Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

breakdown

We hang up and I go to a sobbing and shaking Taylor that's clearly lost in her own mind right now. "My love. I'm right here, you're safe" I say and lift up her head so i can lay it in my lap as she lays on the couch. 

"Please don't hurt me" she whimpers and my heart breaks for her. "My love I would never hurt you. You're safe. I'm joe, your husband. And its 2035 now. It happens years ago. He is in prison and you're safe. I'm right here Taylor" I tell her over and over again while I hold her hand in mine with one hand and caressing her head and playing with her hair with the other. 

She hasn't had an episode like this in a while, but it breaks my heart every time. Ellie gets the same way, and I don't know what to do to help them both. 

The worst one with Taylor happened at Ellies second day back at school after everything that happened.

** flashback **

Taylor comes home from dropping Ellie off at school, but she isn't her usual self. Something is up with her which isn't a surprise after everything that has happened, but it still worries me.

"Taylor?" I ask her as she comes into the kitchen with a blank expression on her face and she is really pale and not responding. 

I take a deep breath and put the dishes down before I walk over to her "Taylor? Are you okay?" I ask her but when I get close, she screams. 

"no please on. Don't hurt me" she screams and back herself against the wall with a look so scared that I haven't seen it before. 

"Taylor, its joe, your husband. You're safe. You're at home" I say to her but keep my distance to let her have the space she needs. 

She slides down on the floor, tuck her legs against her chest and rock back and forth hysterically sobbing. "Please Adam no" she sobs out and I'm on the verge of tears myself. 

Gently I sit down in front of her "Taylor, its joe. Adam isn't here-" but I'm cut off by her kicking me in the balls and I hunch over in pain. "Shit. Auch" I say and try to gather myself. 

I back off a bit because she is still trying to kick me, and she is strong, so it hurts. I don't know how much to push her; this is the worst it has been with her. She is lost in her head, and I don't know how to get her back. 

"Love look at me. Its joe. It's your husband" I tell her over and over again as she is shaking and crying so hard, I'm worried she isn't getting enough air. 

I walk over to the cabinet and take out a valium for her and a glass of water before going back to her "Taylor, can you please take this" I say and hold it out for her, but she isn't responding. She got the valium from the doctor because she gets bad flashbacks and it helps to calm her, but it's not helpful if she won't take it. 

I put the glass and tablet on the counter before I need to try something else. "Taylor I'm going to touch you now. Heads up" I tell her and brace for impact because I know that this is going to make her panic, but we have talked about it in therapy and she said that it helps her to be held tightly, but I'm the only one she trusts to do it. 

With her kicking and hitting me as she screams and hyperventilates, I slide in beside her, lift her into my lap and hold her as tightly as I can. "Taylor love it's me. Its joe" I tell her over and over again. 

"Help me" she sobs, and I continue to hold her tightly and try to hold her hands down so she doesn't hit me in the face, that happened once and it wasn't pleasant, but I would take it a hundred times if it would help her. 

I start to sing to her as I gently rock her from side to side, she is still screaming and sobbing but I'm trying anything I can think off right now