The Odd Sister Out

How to Forgive

I don't know how long I was in that closet for, minutes? Hours? But after some amount of time, I finally began to calm down a little. My breath came out shakily, and I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes. I felt a knock at the closet door, and a Southern sounding accent called,

"Anyone in there?" I didn't answer. I hoped Tweak would just go away and leave me alone. but she had other things in mind.
"Alright then, I'm comin' in!" And the door swung open, revealing a tall figure standing in the doorway, "Jane, what-" I hid my face in my knees as quick as I could, but she saw.

"Oh, c'mere." She murmured softly, coming close to me. She sat down right beside me, and enveloped me in her warm, strong arms. I buried my head into the warm fur of her chest, and the flood of tears suddenly came rushing back.

"Oh, oh, lil hellhound, what's wrong? What happened?" She grabbed me tight in her arms, and held me until I stopped crying long enough to answer her.

"Tweak, why am I so stupid?" I asked her at last, holding her tighter, but she grabbed my shoulders, and looked me dead in the eye.

"Where did you get such an idea like that?" She didn't give me a chance to answer, before pulling me tightly to her chest again, "Don't think for a second that you are, lil hellhound." I just shook my head and let her shift me so I was sitting across her lap like a toddler would. 

"You wanna tell me what happened now?" She asked me sympathetically after a while, stroking my ears, and kissing my head. I didn't want to tell her at first, but the urge began as a little spark inside my chest, but grew more and more until I could not hold it back any longer, and it all came tumbling out of me word by word.

"Oh goodness," Tweak murmured, gently shifting me a little bit, "Do you want me to bring it up with her? And we'll figure out what's going on?" I shook my head quickly. I didn't want to bring it up with Koshi at all. I don't know why, but one part of being the youngest that I hated was always having parents and older siblings stick up for you because 1. I can handle it on my own, and 2. It's usually my fault we got stuck in whatever situation we were stuck in; it doesn't seem fair to blame the other person when it's really my fault we got into whatever predicament we did.

"Well how 'bout I let YOU talk to her first?" Tweak hugged me close, brushing her lips against my head, "How does that sound?" I nodded.

"Sound good." I mumbled, clutching her tighter. That was a total and complete lie. But I had to say it so she wouldn't worry too much. I could handle it. Her fur was so thick and warm, I didn't want to leave her arms and face my sister now. She chuckled slightly, and pulled herself out of my grasp. 

"C'mon now, out you go. If you let go now, I promise you I'll ask Dashi if we can have a sleepover tonight." She smirked; Tweak knew my weaknesses. I let go of her unwillingly, and left to talk to my sister.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember when I said I was going to talk to Koshi? Uh oh. I have spent the last 30 minutes or so of my life pacing outside our room trying to gather up the courage to go inside. After debating with myself for a while, I stepped inside of the room, ready to face whatever stood in my way... only to find the room was empty. It must've been dinnertime. My stomach protested in hunger, but I didn't have the willpower left to go down into the kitchen and eat. So what did I do? I went and lay down on my bed cos I was too lazy to do anything else. I lay there for a while staring at the ceiling until the doors of the room hissed open. I propped myself onto one elbow to get a better look at who it was. It was Koshi. 

I didn't really want to talk to her at the moment so I lay back down, rolled over, and pretended to be asleep. But I've played that trick on her a time too many, because she saw right through me. I heard her climb into my bed and right beside me. Koshi rubbed my back for a little while.

"I brought you food." She whispered, "I-I thought you'd be hungry and-" I heard her take a quivering breath, "I'm so, so, so sorry Jane." I sat up and took the food from her, muttering a quick thank you and staring at my knee instead of at her. I couldn't look her in the eye; not cos I was mad, but cos I didn't know whether to be mad or forgive her. Every time I tried to be mad, I could only think about what she did for me in the past, before the accident. Whenever I had a nightmare or there was a storm, or shootings, she'd let me in her bed. She walked me to and from school, she came with me on all playdates with friends to make sure I got home safely. She was my big sister, however mad we made each other.

"Jane, look at me." She sounded well and truly sorry; I brought my eyes up, and I saw that she too had been crying, "I want you to know that I'm sorry for what I said and did, and I guess that I need to learn to understand you better and be more patient with you."

I stayed silent. Two completely different urges were fighting each other, overlapping and struggling to be heard. The side of me screaming that this was my sister, and that she loved me prevailed at last.

"It's alright." I looked her deep into her soft brown eyes sparkling with tears, and cracked a smile for her, "It's a 1 in a trillion chance that you'll find someone as patient as Dashi. It's impossible Mom and Dad were that lucky to have 2 freakishly patient kids in a row." She smiled through her tears.

"I know I never say this to you," She giggled, "But you're not that bad."

"Well you got that stick up your butt out, so I guess you're alright too." It felt nice to tease my sister. She mock-gasped in shock, grabbed my pillow and whacked me across the head with it. I fought to get it back. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face no matter what. This was the way thing have to be, like it or not. I'd never outgrow ADHD, but I'd learn to control it. I'd never stop fighting with Koshi, but we'd figure out how to work out differences. We were a family after all.