Don't Save Me

Chapter 35: The Truth

 Severus and I quickly walked into the Room of Requirement and I laid Severus down on the couch. He quickly looked around, his eyes darting around the room, particularly focusing on the door.

"It's okay, Severus. They don't know about this room. I discovered it earlier but I never told them... It was just nice to have a place to go that no one knew about... one that didn't show up on their stupid map... They can't hurt you here." His body relaxed and I grabbed a damp cloth that was near the couch. Cuts littered Severus's face from when he had fallen. I began wiping away the blood. He winced and brought his hand over mine, stopping my movements. He stared up at me as I held the cloth to his face.

"Why...? Why are you helping me? I called Lily a--... I yelled at you... I-... I'm not a good person," he replied in ragged breaths.

"Don't you dare say that. You made a mistake and given the situation..." I trailed off. "Look, when people are hurting... they will often lash out at those they care about most."

"How are you so good at this?" he asked, gesturing to my hand soothing his wounds.

"I've had a lot of practice," I replied, instantly realizing what I had said.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh... uhm... my uncle used to get really drunk and get into fights. I would have to help him before my aunt saw him," I replied, telling part of the truth.

"I'm so sorry," Severus replied, bringing his hand to my face, gently stroking my cheek. I turned away but he brought his hand under my chin, turning me to face him. "Don't look away... You have nothing to be ashamed of," he whispered.

"But I do..." I whispered, tears forming in my eyes.

"What are you talking about?" I looked down, no longer meeting his eyes.

"Nothing... it's just... complicated."

Severus nodded and pulled me onto his chest. He groaned softly and I quickly sat up.

"Severus?" I saw fear flash in Severus's eyes as they quickly flashed down to his chest and back up to me. "D-did I hurt you?" I asked, placing my hands on his chest, trying to see if I had missed some blood.

"No! Not at all," he replied.

"Severus, did you hurt your chest? Did you cut yourself? I don't see any blood..." I felt around his chest, trying to see if I had missed something.

"No, it's nothing," he quickly responded, his eyes no longer meeting mine.

"Severus..." I whispered, instantly realizing what he wasn't telling me. He wouldn't look at me. I brought my hand to his face, removing the cloth and looking into his eyes.

"May I lift your shirt?" I asked. He shook his head instantly. "Severus... I promise, I'm not going to hurt you. I just... I think I know what you are hiding and I- I can help." Severus stared at me for a moment before nodding. I lifted his shirt and revealed his chest which was littered with scars, some old, but some looked as if they had only been there a few months. His eyes filled with tears as he awaited my reaction. My fingers brushed over the scars, noticing the raised skin of his newer scars, his body shuddering at my touch.

"Who did this to you?" I asked.

"I fell...," he whispered.

"Don't lie, Severus... You and I both know I don't believe that." He looked away from me before he whispered these words: "My father."

"He did this to you?" I asked, anger rising in my voice. "Why would he do this to you?"

"Because I stopped him from hitting my mother... I let him take out his anger on me instead."

"Severus...," I breathed. Once again, I placed my hand under his chin, turning his face toward mine. "Would you like me to heal them?"

"Yes, but... if my father sees they are healed... he will wonder who did it and..."

"It'll only make it worse," I finished and he nodded.

"Can I at least take the pain away?" I asked and he looked at me, curiously.

"How?"

"It's a spell the Malfoys taught me. They taught me one to get rid of bruises completely and one that just takes away the pain." I pulled my wand from my robes, quickly casting the spell the Malfoys had taught me. He winced in pain for a few brief moments before his body relaxed.

"When did they teach you this?"

"When I was spending time at their house on the weekends... they taught me."

"Why would they teach you a spell like that?"

"You know me..." I chuckled. "Always eager to learn." He softly rubbed my cheek.

"We both know that's not true, Y/n," he whispered.

"Please, don't..."

"Y/n... you know about my history... why can't you trust me with yours?" Guilt surged through me as his eyes met mine. "You can tell me anything, Y/n."

"I can't, Severus... it's too dangerous for you to know anything right now."

"What do you mean, Y/n?"

"Severus... please don't..."

"Talk to me, please..." I abruptly stood up, pacing around the room. "Y/n..."

"I can't do this, Sev... it's too dangerous."

"Just talk to me... maybe I can help." I sighed before turning around to face him.

"Severus, let's say... hypothetically... someone was hurting me, what would you do?"

"Kill them," he replied, no hesitation in his voice.

"That's the problem... You can't kill him," I whispered.

"Kill who?" he angrily stood up and made his way toward me. His towering frame stood in front of me, anger flashing in his eyes as he waited for my answer.

"Nothing, Severus... please... just let it go." He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face upward.

"Y/n... talk to me," he whispered. The intensity of his gaze was crippling my resolve and I nearly gave in before I quickly pulled away.

"It's nothing. I just meant... for stuff in the past. He would just get drunk sometimes but he's better now," I lied

"I'll kill him," Severus growled.

"No! This is exactly why I didn't tell you. He threatened to kill people I care about if I told. He threatened you..."

"Y/n... is this still happening? And don't lie this time."

I couldn't hold out any longer. The secret I had been carrying for years was slipping out, leaking around my feet and threatening to drown me. The hard exterior I had tried to maintain was crumbling around me but Severus was there to pick up the pieces. I nodded to him as tears slipped down my cheeks and I felt my knees weaken. Severus quickly wrapped his hands around my waist, catching me before I fell.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered, smoothing my hair with his hand.

"Because he threatened you... the Malfoys... my friends... He threatened to kill all of you if I told anyone. Severus, you have to promise me you won't say anything!"

"What!? You can't possibly think I am going to let you go back there this summer!"

"Severus, I have to! If I don't go back he will find me, drag me back, torture me, and kill everyone I care about! He is my legal guardian and he works for the ministry! He knows people in the ministry who will deploy every resource to find me if I try to leave!"

"But what if we talked to the Minister of Magic?" I laughed as he said this, remembering how I had tried to tell the truth when I was nine years old.

"You think I haven't tried that?"