Chapter 43

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* Kathleen *

That night , I skimmed through old diary entries I'd written ages ago. 

Dear Diary , ( Age 11 )

Tonight I don't know if I'm going to be okay . Dad hasn't even been home 25 minitues before he picked up the bottle and started to drink . I did what my mother told me to and distanced myself from him . She wasn't home from work yet , but I had no choice but to wait until she got home . Sorry for the sloppy hand writing , but I'm writing in the dark as I sit in the closet because I'm scared. 

I was about to celebrate my birthday coming up. I was going to be 17 . 

Dear Diary , ( Age 13 )

Sorry I haven't written in awhile .I've just been so upset . I feel like I have no place to go . Like nobody cares . Once again , mom is working and I'm stuck here with dad . I'm not even going to lie to you and tell you that he's getting better . It's actually the opposite . He's getting worse . He's getting meaner and getting drunk faster . It's almost as if he cant wait to get home and treat me cruely . He's supposed to be my father. He's supposed to care about me .

That pages blurred as my eyes started to water from reading those , but I kept going .

Dear Diary , ( Age 14 )

What did I do wrong ? What did I do wrong to make him hate me so much ? I'm angry and I'm hurt and I'm alone and nobody cares . Most people just watch me let him in over and over again . I think the worst betral is a betrayl from a parent . A parent that brought you into this world . Sometimes I feel as if the only reason he brought me into this world was so that he'd have another punching bag. Nobody hears me cry at night . I keep telling myself to be strong ,but you have no idea how hard it is to be strong when all the odds are against you . I've lost all of my faith .

Dear Diary ( Age 15 )

I'm scared . I've never been so scared in my life . My life is falling apart right in front of my eyes . All of my love for my father has turned to sadness and all of that sadness has turned to hatred . I don't think I'll ever be able to move on with my life until he's out of it . I don't have any hope anymore . No hope for anything. Danny doesn't even know the struggles I go through .  I don't know why I'm even writing this down . Maybe it's because if something ever happens to me , people will know the truth .

Dear Diary ( Age 16 ) 

Things are better . Slowly . Slowly they're getting better . Not because of my father .I think I might just be okay . I hope I'll be okay .

By the time I finished reading those , I was full out crying now . Nobody had known I'd written those down . I closed my old diary and shook my head . I heard someone come into the room and I knew it was Alek . 

" I heard you crying . " he muttered , sitting on the edge of the bed next to me .

I nodded . 

" I uh ... I just found some old books . " I muttered .

He pulled me into his arms .

" Kathleen , are you alright ? " he asked .

" No . But I just might be . Maybe . " I said , letting him hold me .

He held me for what seemed like hours and then I pulled back and looked at him . Big mistake .Alek looked down at Jacob's necklace that hung around my neck and froze .

" Where did you get that ? " he asked .

" Look , Alek .... I love you . I really do . But I can't help but feel like there's someone else out there for you . " I said cautiously .

 He looked down. 

" Maybe you're right ." he said , unconvinced .

I gave him a small smile . 

" I'm sorry . I just..... I don't think we're supposed to be together . " I whispered .

He looked up at me and kissed me on the cheek .

" Thank you for being honest with me . "  he said .

Alek got up to go and opened the window once again . 

" Are you coming back ? " I asked him .

" Maybe . " he whispered , without looking back at me and jumped out the window easily .

" I'm sorry . " I whispered .

I knew I'd hurt him . You'd have to be blind not to see it , but I knew there was a beautiful girl out there that was just waiting for someone to come and save her . I knew that because just a few months ago , that girl had been me .

------ The ultimate decision . Okay , so ... don't hate me ! This is a Twilight fanfiction so of course , she had to  choose Jacob . BUT since I love Alek just as much as the next girl , I actually started writing a solo Alek story . I know , right ! IF you want me to publish it so you can read about Alek and his new lovely leading lady , comment me ! I'll probably publish it anyways after this one , but the sooner I get a comment about it , the sooner I'll publish it because I already have a few chapters written out . There . Everyone is happy ;) ALSO ! I also am working on a Seth Clearwater idea . Should be out soon .----

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