bryce: hey
you: hey. so i asked josh for another baby
bryce: wow. going on 3. i never took you as the type of person who would marry young and have 3 kids. i always thought like married at 28 and then like one kid
you: honestly. i did too. but josh.
i smile
you: josh made me change my mind about all that. i'm married to the love of my life. and i know i already have 2 kids and i'm not 25 yet but with him i just- i just want more. he makes me want more
bryce: i know exactly how you feel. addison loves allison and wants another baby. i never thought i'd want kids but i do. i really do. but i won't get her pregnant until i'm there to help with the baby. and you ma'am can't get knocked up for filming
you: i know. josh already said that.
bryce: i don't think he really cares ab you being pregnant for the movie. i mean he does but i think the main reason is just like why i won't get addison pregnant yet. he wants to be with you the whole time to help you.
i smile a little knowing that's something josh would do. then i go to my room to get ready. i kiss josh's head but he doesn't wake up so i leave with everyone else while him addison and all the kids sleep.
2 days later
i've seen allison a lot and it's making me really want a baby. like a lot. i've been pushing josh to get me pregnant but he just keeps telling me no. right now the kids are out in the living room with everyone and josh is sitting in bed on his laptop. i come out of the bathroom and go sit on josh's lap.
you: baby?
josh: ness i've already told you. no. i want a baby too but not yet
you: i can start wearing baggier clothing when i film
josh: it's not just about that!
he tugs on his hair.
you: then what is it?
josh: nessa we aren't having another baby until your done with your movie
you: ok but what else is this about?!
josh: you wouldn't understand
you: just tell me!
josh: just leave me alone!
he gets out from under me and goes to the bathroom. what the fuck is his problem?! he comes out of the bathroom and goes straight out of the bedroom. ugh. i lay down and close my eyes. soon enough i feel the bed dip beside me. i open my eyes and it's josh laying on the opposite side of the bed
you: jo-
josh: leave me alone
i sigh and turn away from him so our backs are facing eachother. the kids lying between. i just fall asleep and when i get up the next morning i get ready and don't even kiss josh bye. i just go get in the car with everyone. we go and film. i had 2 kisses with bryce today which made me mad. my own damn husband won't even kiss me but my ex/ bestfriends husband will. ugh. we go home and i go to my room. josh is on his laptop with carson sleeping on him. jordan is probably somewhere with addison. i sit next to him.
you: can we talk now?
josh: i don't wanna talk ab it ness. we can have a baby after your movie.
you: but you said there was another reason why we can't have one now
josh sighs.
josh: last time. i couldn't remember anything and then there was a complication. you went through that alone because i was not mentally there. and if we try now i'm not going to physically be here for you. and i can't do that. do you know how much i beat myself up for making you go through that alone?! everyday nessa! every single day!
he looks as if he is gone cry. i climb into bed next to him and cup his cheeks in my hands.
you: you don't have to feel bad for that. you couldn't help it. it wasn't your fault. and i wouldn't be alone if anything were to happen. i have millie noah zac selena and most of all bryce.
he sighs
josh: but it's not me. i'm not here for you
you: josh nothing bad is gonna happen
josh: you aren't sure of that
you: but i am sure that i have enough people to help me get through something like that until you are able to get here.
i give him a gentle kiss on his lips.
you: and if we have the baby nowww it will be due by the time we finish filming.
he nods.
you: and then we can take it hime and we'll have a few months there before traveling for hockey again
i smile at him.
josh: ok. maybe we should stop at 3 though *laughs
you: or 4
i smile and he laughs. i called in sick for tomorrow because i only had to film a few small scenes that i can make up. so tomorrow josh and i are gonna try.
3 days later
josh is leaving tomorrow morning with the kids. i just took the tests and we're waiting.
josh: hey it's ok. if it didn't work we can always try again tonight and you can facetime me when you take the tests
i nod. it's been about 5 minutes so we both pick up a test and look. josh immediately pulls me into a hug wrapping his arms around the back of my neck. he gently scratches me head before kissing it.
josh: it's ok. we can try again tonight
i nod. we go hangout with everyone for a bit. i pull addison to the side
you: can you watch carson and jordan for a bit?
addison: sure
josh and i go to my room and lock the door. thankfully it's on the back of the house away from the living room. after an hour we finish. josh went harder than ever. he finished in me 3 times in me. we clean up and get dressed. josh brings the kids in and we go to sleep. the next morning they are leaving. everyone said bye to them. i say bye to jordan and carson. josh wraps his arms around me.
josh: you have to call me in 2 days. no matter what time. i'll get to the phone.
i nod
josh: and if this doesn't work we can try next month when i see you.
you: i hope it works. if we try next month that's shortening our time to be at home with the baby without traveling.
josh: it'll work
i nod trying to reassure myself. i kiss him.
you: i love you
josh: i love you too. i'll see you next month
they leave.
..................
