Sweet Venom

38. Apologies

I wake up feeling refreshed surprisingly enough. It's Friday though which means I gotta face Gerard after whatever shit show went down that's still evading my memory. I roll out of bed and turn off my fairy lights before getting my shit together for school, making sure the letter is still in my english binder. The folded paper stares at me like it's a white dove peace offering that's probably not going to work. I sigh and shove my shit in my backpack before searching for something to wear for the day. I grab a striped long sleeve with a band tee on top since it's getting chilly and just some skinny jeans.

After getting ready I head down stairs with my bag and get some breakfast and pack a lunch. I sit at the table trying not to wallow in self pity and freak myself out about facing Gerard by scrolling through tumblr for a while till Dominic finally rolls around.

"Hey!" He smiles at me as I get in the car.

"Hi," I say, my voice riddled with nervousness.

"Are you still going to give him the letter?" He asks as we pull away from my house.

"Yeah," I let out a sigh. "I'm nervous as hell though. He probably hates me."

"If he hates you, it's his loss." He said looking at me briefly. "Besides I doubt he'll reject it or anything. He probably wants to make up too."

"Yeah, hopefully." I look out the window as we make our way to the school. His speakers played something I didn't recognize. We came upon the school slowly and I could feel the dread starting to sink in. I've been ignoring my friends for nearly two weeks. God this is going to be the worst.

"Text me if you need me to rescue you, okay?" Dominic spoke as he parked in the drop off area.

"Okay," I took a deep breath in, steeling myself for the day to come. "Thanks for the ride Dominic."

"Of course." He smiled at me as I got out of the car.

I faced the school for a second, not even trying to find my friends. That'll be later. I take another deep breath before heading into the school and to my locker to get my shit together. Both physically and emotionally. Thankfully none of the boys were there which gave me time to breath and calm my nerves before heading to English.

As I walked in I noticed Gerard hadn't gotten there yet. Which helps but also doesn't. I decide to go the cowardly route and drop my note off on his desk before heading to a seat in the back. Is that a totally cheap move? Yes. Am I too scared to do anything else? Also yes.

I sit down in the back and wait for Gerard to come in the class, I can't help but stare down every single person who walks in that isn't Gerard. Well, until Gerard actually walks in and I look down at my desk faster than fucking lightning. I can feel my heart beating fast against my ribs as I wait for him to sit down. I steal a glance up and Gerard is sitting there note in hand reading it. Aughhhhh! I hope it's gonna be okay!!! Gerard looks up and I immediately look down at my phone cause the suspense is too much and I might explode.

Once class starts I can't help but to keep stealing glances at Gee throughout the whole class. I think he might be doing the same but we haven't made eye contact yet which is just as scary. The rest of class goes by like that until the bell finally rings. I get up and get the fuck out of class so fast! Do I want an answer? Yes! Am I afraid because I fucked up? YES!

I head to my next class and try to be casual with Ray and Pete but I can tell that they know I've been out of it. But they're being nice and trying not to make things awkward. And I can tell by the way they look at me that they both expect an explanation eventually. Hopefully I will have a good enough one for them. After that I head to choir and find a note in my music folder.