Marvel Oneshots

Christmas's of the Past

The noises in his head kept swirling around in the blender that was his brain. 

Spoiled brat!             Little orphan boy

                     Hail Hydra        Soldat

Put him on ice                Bucky!

          New generation of super soldier

Mission report

                            Oswald successfully framed

Bucky sat up in his bed and looked at the clock 2 a.m. At least he got two hours of sleep, better than last night. He looked out his window and saw the rain falling, at least everyone wouldn't be happy that it was a white Christmas. Bucky hated Christmas, not in a grinch type of way, but in a bad memory type of way. Bad things always happened on Christmas

He thought back to when he was a kid, staying at the military installation where other kids waited for their parents to get back. Bucky and his dad were close, especially since the car crash that took his mom and baby sister on Christmas Eve the previous year. Soon he got caught up in the memory.

It was getting dark as the sun slowly fell from the sky. He looked at the older kids helping the younger kids find their parents for the Christmas party. So many families had been scrambled during the war. He waited but his dad still hadn't found him. Bucky knew that his dad liked to help around the camp so he got up and search to see if he could help with whatever his dad was doing. He spotted his dad's commanding walking towards him.

"Hey there son. Today's mission didn't go as planned but your dad helped put it back on track," Bucky swelled with pride, he knew his dad was great and now everyone had seen that, "but, in doing so, it cost him his life. I'm sorry James, I wish there was more I could do."

Since then Bucky didn't like Christmas or being called James. Only Steve knew the whole story. Only Steve understood what it was like waking up from being frozen. Only Steve knew the pitiful looks of people looking at a starving orphan but not giving the time of day to feed them. Only Steve was the other person to hate Christmas in the same way he did. 

But he couldn't understand having your memories put in a blender, he couldn't understand the thought of hope right before a tragedy, there was just no way he could fully understand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve also didn't sleep much, the terrors of his childhood plagued him, especially this time of year, during Christmas. He could still hear his mothers screams and his father's laughter. As he watch his pencil run along the page, drawing the glowing lights shining on the snow, he was brought back to that day.

Steve loved Christmas, the food was great and plentiful, everyone was happy as far as he knew, and he got to play with the other kids from his father work. 

"Steve, come along, we have to leave early." His mother said.

"Alright." He responded, a little sad but very happy to go to bed and wake up to his moms pancakes in the morning, a Christmas tradition in the Rogers's. He followed his mom and dad out the doors. As soon as they were out of sight from the building his dad punched his mom in the face. It was a surprise for Steve but not for Sarah.

"That'll teach you for embarrassing me in front of MY employees!"

"Steven, go!" His mom yelled.

"No, Steven you better stay and watch and learn." His dad shouted. Steve listened to his mom and hid being a wagon. He heard his mothers screams and the smashing of glass, his father laughing over it all. After what seemed like hours, it finally stopped and Steve feared the worst.

"Stevie, it's okay to come out now." The soft voice of his mother called. Steve ran to his mom.

"Mommy! Are you okay?" Little Steve asked as he buried his face in his mothers skirt.

"Shhhhhh. Shhhhhh. It's okay little one, I'm okay." Steve's mom knelt down to his height and held him close. 

He didn't remember much after that, just dragging his drunk father home and learning that he drank himself to death the next day.

Since then Steve didn't like Christmas or being called Steven. Only Bucky knew the whole story. Only Bucky understood what it was like waking up from being frozen. Only Bucky knew the pitiful looks of people looking at a starving orphan but not giving the time of day to feed them. Only Bucky was the other person to hate Christmas in the same way he did.

But he couldn't understand seeing your father hurting your own mother, he couldn't understand the look of fear in his mothers eyes and how that fear followed him through life, there was just no way he could fully understand.

Hi, so I just want to give a sort of run down of the story and why it's important to me. Both Steve and Bucky faced trauma that haunted them years later. Yes, some of the story is truth and other parts were slightly changed from the comics, but the base for both of them stayed the same. I didn't want them to heal because I haven't. Last family Christmas party (I'm Jewish but my dad's side celebrates Christmas so we celebrate with them but it's never actually on Christmas) something big happened that I won't go into because it caused anxiety, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and for my depression to get worse. I haven't healed yet and I know this event will affect me for the rest of my life. In all honesty, part of reason I haven't been writing much lately in because that and the wait for the one year anniversary to arrive. Anyways, to tie the knot between these two things, originally I wanted Steve and Bucky to heal but it's not realistic and I see a part of myself in these characters. I reflected what I've been doing myself in them, not talking about it and not reaching out others, the feeling that no one would ever really understand because how could they, what happened was something a sequence of events that are rare for people. Thank you for reading this, it means a lot to me. Hopefully since the anniversary has passed I'll be able to write more. 

And on a completely unrelated note I might get a leopard gecko and if it's a girl she might be named Polaris or Maxi and if it's a boy he might be named Winter or Jormungandr. Guess what each of those names are named after? I'll reveal next chapter.