1D Preferences

Where Do Broken Hearts Go? Part 4

"You shouldn't like me"

"Don't fall for me"

"I'm no good for you"

"I don't want to hurt you"

"You deserve better"

"You don't need me"

Lies. A big fucking pile of lies that I have heard way too many times. They all act as warnings, warnings that came just a little too late. Warnings that in the end meant nothing to me because I had already fascinated myself with the thought of having you. I wrote you a letter, parts of me are dying for you to read it, and others would kill me if you caught even the slightest glance. I'm numb. Everyday that I wake up, I don't smell the crisp fall air, I don't feel the warmth of the sun pressing down against my skin, I don't taste the sweet pleasures of life anymore because you stole them from me. I want to live and be happy, but I also want you, and come to look at the situation, it seems that I can't have both. I'm happiest when I'm with you, your company is absolutely exhilarating, but I've never been so sad in my entire life. My heart aches at the thought of you not being here, my bed longs for someone to share the comfort of the blankets with, and yet I'm sleeping alone, drowning on the thought of you being here. Drowning on the thought of us. It kills me. Everyday, every minute, every second, knowing that when I'm not with you, you're with someone else, whispering the same sweet things in her ear as you do in mine, making her feel just as loved as you do with me. I'm waiting for something to change, hoping that you'll wake up and realize I'm all you ever wanted and you'll finally pick me. But fairy tales are bullshit and happy endings are white horse, princess lies they tell you when you're younger to keep you wishing on a star at night hoping that prince charming will come and save the day, but its all fucking lies. They say that broken hearts will heal with time. That the paid  you're feeling will eventually cease. Looking over my life I think I've come to see the truth behind that. Love isn't forgotten, nor can it be ignored, it cannot be repaired when it is lost because there is nothing left to fix, it can only be buried by the hope of someone willing to fix it. And as life goes on we bury hope upon shattered dreams, and hope upon more shattered dreams, it's a never ending cycle of wishing and disappointment, but what better definition of life can you find? Life is too short? No life is a long living hell because people will make you feel like you're on top of the world and when you reach down to grab them, and pull them up with you, they'll tear you down, and you'll be forced to sit on the broken pieces of your heart. That is love, that is love when it finally takes every last piece of you and ends up killing you from within. I'm tired of this but I don't know what to turn to. I'm tired of falling for you, but I've already dug myself a hole too deep to recover from. 

I turned my attention to the sound of the constant vibrating of my phone. Message after message appearing on the screen. "H/N" "H/N" Over and over again,  the messages seemed to never cease.I didn't touch my phone just ignored the vibrations and it seemed as though they just disappeared. I sat in my room, on the col wooden floor staring at the dull walls ahead of me. The room felt like it was spinning and my head began pounding with aches. I held my head in my hands trying to rub away the pain. Then I came to realization that it's merely a side affect. Head aches, pain overtaking your body, merely side affects of a broken heart. How can you expect your body to push on when the thing that literally pushes and pumps to keep you alive everyday is broken? How could anyone ever expect someone to be okay after that? It's truly unreasonable. I guess the logic of a heart break don't mean shit when you're going through it. My phone began ranging in my ear and I tried to ignore it but the noise was hard to keep my mind away from. I turn my phone over and slide my phone open unveiling a list of unread messages surging my phone as well as a minimal of three missed calls, all from him. I scanned through them. "Y/N, please can we talk" "Y/N..." "I know you're getting these" "Please just talk to me" "I have to tell you" I held my phone up so I could respond. My thumbs fiddled above the keyboarding debating on what to type. As I was debating on not responding altogether or simply typing "Okay" A knock on my front door erupted through the silent house. I didn't move. The door opened and I heard his shoes clacking against the ground. "Y/N!?" I said nothing, just sat on the ground, unable to speak, words unable to form, heart unable to contain anymore pain. The door to my room opened slowly and I felt a tear streak down my face. "Y/N...." he said in almost a whisper. I again, said nothing. The tear just continued to roll down my cheek, slowly, not rushing in anyway. "I- Can I sit by you?" He said asking solemnly, knowing that his words were piercing enough. A blank expression covered with mascara-stained cheeks must have some how signaled a "YES" in his mind, or maybe he wasn't really asking my permission. He sat down and I felt his warmth circulate off of him. He put his arm around me but I shrugged it off. He sighed at his comforting proposition being ignored and rejected. "Y/N... you look awful" You almost laughed at his comment. "Wow." You say as you bite your lip and smile to yourself. out of everything that's what he says. "No wait- Y/N I'm sorry. I just- I'm not good at this.." "What? breaking people's hearts? Because from the looks of it, you're basically a fucking pro." "Y/N I'm trying to talk to you" "You chose them" "I-" "I know you did. you have everything, ya know? You have the whole man's dream right in the palm of your hand. You have girls that are willing to bring you food, you can take a different girl home every night and they'll tell you they love you and you'll say it back, but the feeling is no where close to being reciprocated. I like to think that you loved me, maybe even for just a day. I like to think that, I know it's humorous to think of such a stupid thought as that one though. Shit... You have your cake, might as well fucking eat it too." I said but stayed still, only moving to wipe away the falling tears. He took a breath in and prepared to wash out a bunch of lies and you quickly pushed them away."Is it fun? How much fun is it to have girls swooning over you and you make them all feel so special but you just wash them up and leave them to drown in their own misery. They won't hate you either, nope, that's way too fucking easy. They'll always love you because some how they will turn the whole situation around upon themselves and make it seem like it was their fault that you left them, they will feel like they deserve it. Yup, (His Full Name) I've got your whole game figured out. I had it figured out from day one, but I let you play your piece anyway. I let you fuck me over and I can't tell you how stupid I feel, how fucking stupid I feel. I want you so much, but I will not share you anymore. I can't do it to myself. I have to realize when it's time to walk away, before I hurt myself any farther..." You breathed heavily as the speech you had just poured out had taken the majority of your energy as well as your breath away. It killed you when you looked over at him to see him looking at the wall and tying vigorously to wipe away his tears.As much as you wanted him to feel awful for hurting you, you wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. "I just wish I could have convinced you to pick me, because let me tell you, I am not a one-in-a-million girl, I'm a once-in-a-lifetime girl, and you missed your chance." "Y/N-" "isn't life funny??? It’s a mess of broken hearts, with no place to go."

I can conjure up a part 5 if you guys want..? i mean are you guys enjoying the open preference or no?