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Giving Up 2/5 part 2

His P.O.V.

Louis- I could feel my body shaking. I could feel every part of me trembling as I held her still body in my hands. I waited and waited for the ambulance to arrive but something told me that I was already too late. I came home to find her, my princess, my whole world, lying on the floor with an empty bottle of pills in her hand. Sleeping pills. She wanted to sleep, and she did not plan on waking up. My heart ached at the fact that I wasn't here to stop her. I heard quick knocks and then a force entrance but I never once directed my attention away from Y/N. The paramedics took her out of my arms, laid her on the stretcher and wheeled her away. I didn't move. She had been taken from me by her own choice and that' s what hurt the most. She didn't tell me. She never told me anything was wrong and now I might not ever see her again. I rose from my sitting position on the floor and saw a folded paper resting on the kitchen counter next to the spilled medicine bottles. I looked at the small envelope and felt a tear slip down my cheek when I saw her cute handwriting etched on it. I try to calm my heart down, try to grab a hold of myself the best that I could. I glide my fingers under the flap and gently open the envelope.  

"Dearest Louis,"

Hollow. I was completely empty and I had only read two words. I folded the letter and placed it in my pocket before running to my car to drive to the hospital. I never drove so fast in my life.

*************At the Hospital*************

I twiddled my thumbs as I held the letter in my hand. Y/N was having her stomach pumped and they were doing everything they could to save her. There wasn't a hopeful feeling though. I know she is gone, I can feel it. It's like a part of me has been ripped away. Half of me is gone. I'm just so empty without her. I need something, I need to see her, hear from her, hold her one more time... I unfold the letter and begin again, steadying my breath as I do so. 

"Dearest Louis,

I don't really know what I'm doing, but it feels right." I felt my heart aching. I felt it breaking. I felt the depression settling in that she chose to leave. "I'm sorry that I can't be there for you anymore, but you must not feel guilty about this, I know you'll be better off without me." I shook my head back and forth as the tears refused to be held back anymore. I tried to silence my cries but there was no use. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say except that I love you, more than you could ever know. You're the most perfect person I have ever met. I still remember the first thing you said to me, you spilled coffee on me, you looked so nervous, but I smiled, I knew I loved you. Please don't blame yourself this isn't your fault in anyway. It's my fault, I'm not strong enou-" I stopped reading when I heard the doctor say my name. "Mr. Tomlinson, I'm sorry. We did everything we could." I nodded but inside I realized that there was hope. There was. It was ripped from me in an instant. I folded the letter and tucked into my pocket as I walked into the room where she was laying. I couldn't help the cascading tears when I saw her body laying there. I walked over to her and wrapped her small cold hand in mine. "Oh Y/N what did you do?" I asked before collapsing to my knees. "I would have done anything. I would have flown across the world just to stop you." I looked up to see her closed eyes that wouldn't open again. I tightened the grip on her hand. "I got your letter. I'm not going to blame myself, I'm not going to blame you. I know how strong you were. You were Strong enough to keep going, I would have sacrificed the world for you. I just...." Why was it suddenly so hard to breath? I realized that my lifeline was gone and it killed me. My heart begged to see her open her eyes. My mind thought foolishly of my heart for such a dumb request.

"I just want to see you smile one more time."

Harry- "Y/N babe, have you done anything for dinner yet? I'm starved!" I walked into our shared home and tossed my coat on the near bye sofa before walking into  the kitchen to scavenge for food. "Y/N..? Babe?" She always responded. I ran up the stairs but stopped when I heard the shower running. "Y/N, what do you want for dinner, love?" There was still no response. I knocked on the door as a bit of anxiety settled in my heart. "Y/N?! Open the door.!"  No response. I looked at my feet and saw water drenching the carpet I stood on. The water was tinted with red. My heart plummeted. I forced the door open and the scene I walked in on was heart-breaking. I saw the shower over filling, but I saw my princess laying on the ground, so pale, so empty, her wrists still bleeding. I splashed through the inches of water and held her in my arms. I wrapped a towel around her wrist and tried to stop the bleeding as I dialed for an ambulance. When I ended the call I just rocked her back in forth in my arms crying as I did. "Oh Y/N, oh God Y/N" I felt her heart beating, barely. I felt mine struggling, to keep going. I heard the paramedics burst through the door and I screamed to them to give them our location. They quickly grabbed her from her cradled position in my arms. "Her wrist! Watch her wrist! Please.." I said reaching out as they took her to the ambulance. I stood up and began to follow them until I hit a small piece of paper resting on the counter. I looked down at it and saw drops of blood and a water drop resting on where she had written my name. I cried as I took it into my hands and read it.

"Harry,

I have a confession, an awful confession. As happy as I seem, as many smiles as I have, I'm broken inside. It feels like I'm hollow, like my heart has shattered and nothing is there. I can't describe how awful I feel. You were always there for me, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn't be happy. I wanted to be happy with you, wanted to have a smile that was real, I wanted to feel like I used to, but I don't. You are perfect. Harry, you are absolutely perfect to me, and I love you so much. I love you, and I'm sorry for what I've done to myself. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry you had to see my scars, I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I'm sorry for so many things that the list could drag on and on, but most of all, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. You mean the world to me, and I'm just so sick of disappointing you. I love you Harry Styles, please don't take this out on yourself. Keep singing, keep smiling, keep being you. 

I'm sorry, I love you forever

Y/N"

I hadn't realized that I fell to my knees, I didn't realize that I was crying my heart out, I din't realize that the girl I wanted to marry was taken from me. I ran after the paramedics as I thought he letter back onto the counter. I followed them into the small ambulance and sat there holding her hand. It was already beginning to lose it's warmth that I knew so well. I looked at her eyes and saw the makeup she wore on her eyelids, the heavy make up she never needed but always fought with me about. I would do anything to go back to that. To go back to see her smiling, or at least faked the smile. We stopped suddenly and they rushed her into the E.R and I followed quickly behind. "Mr. Styles you'll have to wait here." A doctor said to me as he outstretched his arm blocking the path from me. I watched with fear as I saw them wheel my girl into a hospital room. I heard the faint words echo thought out of her room "Clear." I nodded and sat down. She's gone. She's gone and I can't do anything now. 
****************************************
Hours passed and suddenly the doctor that had stopped me before was walking towards me with a pained expression. My heart sunk lower than I ever thought possible. I jumped up and walked to meet him half way. "Is she okay? Did she make it? Tell me she made it.!" I said practically screaming. "Mr. Styles please calm down. Y/N is okay, well she's doing better. She'll make it through this. You can see her now, she's in a coma from the traumatic loss of blood and brain injury from when she collapsed." She's okay. She didn't leave. I ran past him and went into her room to see an oxygen mask clasped onto her mouth and covering her nose. I saw the wires, I saw the tubes, and all the machines that kept her alive. I walked over to her and a tear gently streamed down my face. I leaned over and kissed her forehead before taking the seat next to her. I scooted closer and lightly stroked her hair. "Hi Y/N." I laughed a little at the stupid thing I said. "Seeing you like this is tearing me apart. Coming home to find you the way you were. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I thought I lost you Y/N. I can;t express how much that hurt me, but I know you're hurting more. I love you beautiful. Words can;t describe how much I love to you. I don;t know what I would do if you weren't going to be okay." I turned my attention over to her wrist where she tore up her perfect skin with that god-forsaken blade. It was wrapped in white and I looked back at her emotionless expression.

"Don't ever leave me."

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