Shit rant poems

One day cant help

I got told today that it's been a month since my life went on pause

A month

It feels so much longer

It feels like I was away for a month

Tried to kill myself

Went another

And never stopped thinking about it

And I know

I fucking know

One day can't save a person

One day with any amount of people, things or places

Cannot save a person

It cannot save me

And I tried

I fucking tried

I held on for a Tuesday

Then longer

Then I got my day

My weekend

And things felt better

I had this really normal

Amazing experience

I had love
And lust
Anxiety

And there was anger
And apologies

And I said I love you less times than I wanted to

But it was still every second thing I said

I fucking love him

And I won't ever stop

I love him

My baby boy

So much

So so so so so much

And I wish

Having him with me always

Forever

Right by side
Or
Whatever social distance

To have him living together with me

Was a possibility

Right now

Right fucking now

I love and I love

But they always have to go after however long

And he doesn't stop loving me and I, them

But
It's hard

I wish

The days out everyone is planning after this

With food and fun and exploring

Could make me

Want to live more

Because he gives me so much

So much that keeps me going always

Always

Always and forever

But right now

Really in the moment

I just need something more

Because it's so dark outside

No one could stop me right now if they tried because what the fuck do my family know

And everyone who does is stuck in my phone

So I could just have something

That wouldn't make me not kill myself

But

Make me want to live

Maybe that would help

Maybe having something more would