Shit rant poems

Lucky lukey

Lucky lukey has me even though i look like i only date lucys

And aimees and Mariahs and caras

I look like this dykey queen when really in edging non binary

Its so weird presenting gay when you're straight

Its like the fucked up analogy or hot take of those gay short films

Flipping the roles of the people who would have carried the bodies of dying men and have been the dying of the aids epidemic

And those who ignored and shamed it

Blame it on whores
Make it godless
Shameful
Unfit for children

Which is a shame but i guess its too late for my little sister

She knows who i love and how much

And im that figure in her life

Corrupting her slowly they'd say

Still its strange

I present gay when this love is straight

Well

Close to

In order to unpack my own identity it requires some level of self perception, of thinking and

Of answering my own self questions

To do things i cant do yet without feeling like ill self destruct

So right now

We are straight

I tell people how in love i am with this girl

And its almost fucking hilarious because the one im fawning over

Is this literal fucking man

This gorgeous perfect handsome man

Its crazy and its weird because i know i have to lie and i know thats how we will present until it is safe

Until it is time

And im fucking crazy itching for us to reach that time that space

That point where everything can begin for him

And he can transition and i tell people how proud i am of my boy

It feels selfish because i know he hurts and he struggled and hes in pain

And i wish him the world

You know when he told me i didn't hesitate to say ill love you always

I wont lie loving him as a man feels so right and his arms are and always have been unquestionably home

But what if im not doing enough

How do i support him better
Be better and do better for him in all his rough patches

In his bad days

How can i help and what i can change

I know who he fucking is and his birth certificate never fucking mattered to me

And i wish i could forget his baby pictures he never wanted me to see

And to irrefutably proof to him i see him as a man and my boy purely truly lovingly and fully

Lucky lukey has me because i love him as himself infinitely

But im never doing enough or seeing enough

But ill try harder and do better

Every step of the way

Tell people about my partner

About 'them' like i do
like i have
Like i will

And on some part of my brain theres a smile creeping up on me

Knowing one day maybe soon

We get that space where i see my boy in his element

And i get to look over and see

Him

My boy

And ill hold him like i always do

Heart beating out my chest

Leaning in for a kiss

Knowing i couldnt be more in love

And this could not be more right