Shit rant poems

Again

I dont want to feel this again

You
In my head

I dont want this

Because the last one hurt me

And so did the one before that

They always hurt me

But they dont always know it

Because fake faces and fake smiles and

Bullshit pleasentries

Help pretend we're all happy fucking voidful beings

And i hate this again

I hate how you interrupt my thoughts

When i dismissed you

I hate how you flashback me

To dumb shit like ive forgotten it

I hate how you are now a part of the void that lays next to me

Like youre preparing to kill from within

Youve already started

When i close my eyes

And relax

With my earbuds in

My lips purse a bit

Like youre next to me

And that you will kiss them

You also pop up

At the worst interventions

Because

I already told myself

That youre bad for me

Like a fifteen piece kfc bucket

And i dont want you
Mostly

And
I dont want to unconvince myself of not needing you

A little bit

And

None of this stops anything

None of this stops the real world advances

The ruffling of hair

And

Invasive questions

And even though

We hate each others friends

And are 2 different very incompatible people

And you would never want to just

Cuddle

Or watch totoro

And

Babysit

And do homework together

And get bubble tea and sushi with me

And kiss my forehead

And

Be nice to my mother

You are something that currently plagues me

And we would be so fucked up together

But maybe its just the

Opportunity

And

Availability that gets me

Because usually

The former is never there

But irregardless

That kinda shit

Just

Fucking gets me every time