Shit rant poems

Bringing up old shit, i am a vessel that will crash by my own design

I remember the way the pills sat in my stomach
Stuck in my throat
And forced their way back up

I remember sleeping
And knowing when I was sleeping
But couldn't move
I remember hearing
Whilst sleeping

Which I can't normally do

And I would hear them talking at dinner time

But whenever I woke up
It felt like it was just then

Like if I could walk
They would all be there eating

However whenever I woke up

Whenever I got up

Whenever I saw the time

It was never right

And

They were never there

They carried on with their own lives

Didn't see what was going on

Couldn't see what was missing

Or that I had taken it

It took til day 3
For my mum to believe I was sick

Maybe she found the empty packets
Maybe she saw me passed out
Or smelled the vomit

That I tried so hard to clean up

I don't know

But she would've seen that I was never up for long

Abd that I couldn't move fast or coordinatedly

But day 3 she sat by my bedside when I woke up

Something she's never done before

And she gave me some of that electrolyte medicine

Told me to drink

And rest

Before she left me

In the bed of my own making

But I'll never forget that first acknowledgment

Fucking never

I never pulled that shit again

But I still feel the after effects

Again
And
Again
And
Again

I never want to do it again

But sometimes I just feel like

If given the time
Space
Or opportunity

It just might happen again

Maybe if you catch me on an off day

Because

That's all it really started with