Mr. Mendes

XLVII - Mental Breakdown

THERE'S NOTHING HOLDIN' ME BACK IS SO GOOD ASJKFD IM SO FUCKING SHOOK😩💙 and it's already #1 on the charts😭

-

February vacation soon came to an end, meaning I was back at school. I'd done my best to avoid Shawn all week, and had managed not to talk to him since we met at Dunkin' Donuts last week. It's been almost two weeks since the last time we spoke.

I sat in Shawn's class on Friday afternoon, listening to his lecture on King Tut while avoiding eye contact with him at all costs.

"Maggie," he called on me, assuming I hadn't been listening because I wasn't looking at him.

"Yes, sir?" I asked dryly looking up at him.

"King Tut was buried with two children. Why is there no record of him and his wife ever having children?" He asked.

"His wife miscarried twice, and both babies were mummified and placed in the tomb with Tutankhamen," I answered.

"Excellent job Miss Pérez," Shawn smiled, returning back to his lesson.

He'd been calling on me a lot during his lessons this past week, knowing it was the only way to get me to speak to him, or even look at him.

As the bell rang I hurried to get out of the class, but Shawn called my name. I sighed in defeat and waited for everyone else to leave the room, then closed the door.

"What?" I asked, sitting back in my seat right in front of his desk.

"I'm leaving tonight to go to Canada for the week. My parents and younger sister moved there when I was in college, so I'm going to spend the week with them. I'm doing this to give you space, Maggie. I don't want to put any pressure on you, but while I'm gone please think about us. I love you and I'm so incredibly sorry for the horrible thing that I've done. I just hope that you can take me back after having a week without me to think things over, on top of the last two weeks we've been apart," he explained.

I stayed quiet for a moment, then nodded my head. "I'll think about it while you're gone. I hope you have a fun time," I said, giving him a soft smile.

"Have a nice week!" He called to me as I walked out of his classroom.

-

It's now Thursday, five days since Shawn left and two days before he comes home. It was 1am, and I was wide awake.

I'd been an absolute mess since I walked in on Shawn and Elena, I just did everything in my power not to show it. In reality it was absolutely killing me, and tonight it finally caught up to me.

I was laying there staring at my ceiling, feeling like the walls of my bedroom were slowly caving in on me.

When something bad happens, I act like I'm fine. I suppress every single emotion I feel, smile, and walk away pretending nothing happened.

But like most things in life, there are consequences.

Every single emotion I've been ignoring or refusing to work through for god only knows how long all come to the surface at once, bombarding me with their overwhelming feelings.

Blinded by the insanity that was going on in my head, I decided to call Shawn.

I read the clock on my phone to see it was now 1:13am. I hope I wasn't waking him up, but I needed to talk to him.

After a few rings he answered.

"Hello?" He said, his voice indicating I'd just woken him up.

"Shawn?" I said, my voice coming out just above a whisper.

"Maggie, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He said frantically, sounding like he just sat up in bed.

"I-I just...I miss you. Everything is too much to handle right now and I just need you," I confessed.

"Shhh, it's okay baby," he soothed as I began to quietly cry, "I wish I could be there for you, I really do, but I'll be home soon. Tell me what's going on."

"There are so many thoughts flying around my head and it's driving me insane. Everything hurts and I'm so overwhelmed with emotion. I'm so mad at you for what you did to me but god I love you so much it hurts. I hate myself for wanting to take you back so easily because what you did was wrong and you hurt me, but I love you and I can't stand being without you," I cried, "God, what is happening to me? I'm so in love with you that I don't even know if I care that you cheated on me anymore. Shawn, I'm going crazy."

"Maggie, it's okay, please try to stay calm," he said, listening intently to every word I said.

"I just need you," I said, my breathing becoming unsteady as I tried to keep myself from crying again.

"Listen to me Mags, just listen to my voice, okay? You need to relax before you have a panic attack, hun. I'm right here with you, please take a deep breath. I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much, Maggie," he said in a calming voice.

I closed my eyes as I listened to him speak, taking a few deep breaths.

"Thank you," I whispered, "I really wish you were here to hold me."

"I wish I was too, darling. I'll be home in a couple of days. Please spend Saturday night at my place."

I thought for a minute before giving in to the indescribable amount of love I felt for him, through thick and thin.

"I promise," I said, a feeling of tiredness washing over my body.

"You should get some rest. Goodnight darling, I love you."

"Goodnight, I love you too."

-

I sense some passionate make up sex in a couple chapters, oops.

Not sure if I like this chapter tbh

BUT ON A HAPPIER NOTE,

There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back came out a little early so it was around 11:40pm where I live and I've been absolutely jamming to it and freaking the fuck out over it to my sister/friends for like an hour and a half😂 (it's 1:00am when I'm writing this A/N and I have to get up for school in like 6 hours ugh)

It's different than his usual stuff but I honestly love it, it's such a jam and that rasp kills me👅 so proud of him💙😍

Update: It's now 8:33am where I live and I'm still shook as fuck