Mr. Mendes

XLVI - The Explaination

"You had just texted me asking if I wanted to come over, and I said yes," he began explaining his story, "Just as I opened the door to leave, Elena was standing there about to knock. I tried telling her I had somewhere to be, but she forced her way in anyways. When you called me my phone was in the kitchen, where I'd apparently left it when I was getting ready to go to your house."

I took another sip of my coffee as he talked, listening to every word he said.

"She started going on and on about how I made a mistake when I left her, and how she wants me back. I wanted to text you and tell you that I got tied up, I really did Maggie, but when I tried to go get my phone she followed me. So I acted like I was going to get a bottle of wine instead."

So far he sounded like he was telling the truth.

"We drank the whole bottle pretty quickly. We started talking about old memories we have together, and she mentioned the John Mayer concert we went to together. Then she wanted to listen to his music, so I said I had his records set up in the vinyl in my bedroom. So we made our way upstairs, started playing the music, and sat down on my bed."

This is when I started to get nervous, not necessarily wanting to hear what was going to come next. Noticing the emotionless expression on my face, he hesitated before continuing to speak.

"We were just talking, sitting a fair distance apart from each other. Then a specific song came on. It was the song that was first, um, had sex together to," he said, his voice trailing off as he became noticeably uncomfortable.

"So of course she brought that up, then started leaning in. I leaned away from her, and told her that it wasn't a good idea. I told her I was involved with someone else, and didn't have interest in getting back together with her. But, Elena doesn't take no for an answer." He stayed quiet for a moment, starting to become more careful about how he was retelling the story.

I reached my hand across the table and placed it on his to reassure him it was okay to go on with the story, taking both him and myself by surprise. I awkwardly coughed as I pulled my hand away, folding my hands together and placing them on my lap.

"I'm sorry, you can keep going," I said, looking up at him quickly then back down at my hands.

"Okay, well like I just said she doesn't take no for an answer, so she kissed me anyways. I didn't kiss back, and I pulled away. She still kept coming onto me, and moving closer. She just wanted one last night together, either for me to realize that I still have feelings for her, which I don't, or for her to realize there's nothing left between us and move on. She kissed me again, and between getting caught up in her logic and the wine that we'd drank earlier, I kissed back. Then things just kept progressing until..."

"Until I walked in on you," I said flatly, finishing the sentence that he couldn't seem to get out of his mouth.

"I'm so sorry Maggie. Really, truly, indescribably, indefinitely sorry for what I've done. I can't even imagine how much I hurt you and I hate myself for it. I can't even stand to think about how much pain I must've put you through last night. I love you so much and you don't deserve that in the least bit," he sighed.

"It's just...I-I just got caught up in the memories, you know? Elena was an extremely substantial part of my life for years, and at times all I had. She was my first love. No matter how much you get over them, you can't just completely forget about them. But the love I have for you, Maggie, is so much stronger than I ever could've imagined. God, I'd do anything even just to see you smile right now," he continued, a saddened expression washing over his face.

"You're such a happy person, Maggie, even when things are hard. No matter what you're going through or how you feel there's always a gorgeous smile on your beautiful face. I can't believe I took that away from you."

"No matter how much it doesn't seem like it at times, you are in control of your own emotions. You can ultimately decide what affects you, and to what extent it affects you. Yes, I was extremely upset and angry with you, and yes I'm still hurt about it, but I'm going to chose to not be bothered by it. Sitting around feeling sad isn't going to do anything, so I am choosing to let it go for my own personal benefit. I love you, and I don't want to waste my time being mad at you or feeling upset. I'm still extremely hurt by what you did, but I'm choosing to move on from those negative emotions. I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for me," I told him.

"So does that mean you forgive me?" He asked, looking hopeful.

I thought for a moment, sighing as I ran a hand through my long curls. "I don't know. I accept your apology, and I appreciate it, but things can't just go back to normal between us. Trust is earned, not given. I still need time."

"But you still love me?" He asked, reaching across the table and taking my hand.

"Of course I do," I replied, giving him a faint smile. "But I just need time away from...us."

"You mean me. You need time away from me," he corrected me softly.

I nodded my head, both of us sitting in silence for a moment.

"I should get going," I said, standing up from my chair. "Thanks again for the coffee."

He stood up as well, pushing in his chair. "Thanks for coming," he said, pulling me into a tight hug.

I hesitated at first, then hugged him back. We stood there for a moment in silence, just holding each other.

"I'm so sorry Maggie," he whispered, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, "I love you."

"I know," I whispered back, letting go of him and walking out the door.

-

THERE'S NOTHING HOLDIN ME BACK COMES OUT IN A COUPLE OF DAYS!!! I can literally never take naps but the one time I take one (today) I wake up and all of a sudden Shawn's releasing new music😂

I never know what time of day to update. Do you have any suggestions? I'm on EST (Eastern Standard Time)

So there was a song on Shawn's Instagram story last week that I liked, so I looked it up. It was 'Location' by Khalid and it's AMAZING so if you're looking for some new music check that song out. It's really chill and vibey and has a good bass😂

I hope everyone had/has a fantastic day! I'll update again in a few days.

xoxo,
mom❤️