Tokyo ghoul

Chapter 124

As I pulled the car up to the house, Raiden was sat there with Hinami and Ayato. Touka was stood at the door with Aoi and Takasu. When I pulled up Hinami jumped up and ran over to the car waiting for me to get out before jumping into me, hugging me. I was still in Hides jacket so I think everyone got the idea of where I was. I moved away from Hinami and grabbed the bag I took from Hides house and the keepsake box I got from Anteiku and i carried it inside.
"You actually went to find him" Raiden said in shock. I put the box down and turned around.
"Yeah, I did and he turned around and dumped me. I had a revelation of sorts and I'm strong now. I'm not letting things like that get in the way anymore. I'm stronger now. I have to be." I said walking away. Raiden followed me and grabbed my arm.
"Taiga i'm really sorry. I didn't mean to snap I really didn't."
"This is exactly why I need to be strong. Everyone is like you. Sad and ready to snap."
"You don't need to look after us all"
"Yes. I do."
He gently grabbed my arm. "No you don't"
I pulled my arm away. "Everyone in the house is either angry or said or something yeah, so what are we supposed to do? Sit around in this atmosphere only getting worse by the second. It's ridiculous! We need someone who is willing to be strong and not let their feelings or personal issues get in the way. We need someone to tell us when enough is enough and to stop being such pricks!"
"Oh sorry" Takasu said awkwardly.
"No. It's fine!" I shouted still looking at Raiden.
"Come in." I turned around.
"I'll go." Raiden said walking off.
Takasu sat on the bed and sighed. "I heard what Kaneki did to you. He's missing out big time. His loss"
"And somebody's else's gain" I said looking at the wall.
"Exactly." He sighs. "You told everyone you wanted the torture to be stronger but I didn't realise how much hides death pushed you towards the edge."
"What do you mean?"
"Well look? You're different. You haven't smiled? Laughed? Or shown any vague emotion. It's worrying? Does it mean kaneki ending things was the little push over the edge."
"No. Kaneki ended something that finished when he left me like a meal in front of investigators." I looked up and smiled falsely.
"That's a fake smile taiga"
"It's better then no smile at all"
"That's right" he said leaning in. I leant in and before I knew it I was kissing Takasu. I moved away and shook my head. "I can't have another boyfriend"
"Who says I'm your boyfriend." He said.
"They will" I said standing up and walking towards the window. I opened It and climbed outside. I stood on the roof and put my hands into hides jacket when I felt something. I pulled it out and it was a packet. I opened it and it was a bunch of pictures.
Pictures of us all when we were happy. Pictures of me oblivious to the camera. Pictures of Kaneki with his black hair. Pictures of us all in Anteiku and then a picture of me sleeping. Then pictures of me and hide together. I put all the pictures back in the packet then in the pocket all except one. A picture of me and hide. I ripped it in half so it was just hide then I put the half of me in the pocket.
"Love of my life, my soul mate. You're my best friend." I said trying not to cry.
"You're a part of me, like breathing. I don't know anything at all. Who am I to say you love me? Don't know why I'm still waiting. I know you're gone. Now you're just a song I love to sing. Never thought I'd feel so alone here. But now i know it's meant to be, and that's okay with me." I said crying my eyes out.
"Who.....am......I......to.......say......you......love......me" I kissed the picture and ripped it up into little pieces, letting it blow away In the wind.
The silence was painful for what felt like for hours. "I love you Hide." I said looking up at the sky. "I'll be with you soon." I said walking to the edge of the building. I closed my eyes and held my arms out, and just as I was about to fall forward, a gust of wind blew me back and in the wind was a a small pice of the picture I ripped up. My eyes are painted red my souls broken again but I have people that need me. We've got one life to live and we have stairs to keep from falling. I need to get over this. Hide is gone and he isn't coming back. This is my life now. My life is here, with these people and I'm sure as hell gonna make the best out of a bad situation.