Suicidal
That word cuts deep
It always has
I try to pretend
Not let you see on my face
Because I'm not the one
I think I thought you knew
Plans are made around me
Life moves on around me
But I can't think
About what they mean
Not when my mind
Is currently trying to destroy itself
Everything I hold dear
Sometimes you can see it
I know you can
Unfocused
And withdrawn
And isolating
But sometimes
It's all inside
I don't want you to worry
Not every second of every day
But it strikes so randomly
Can't help but miss
Those days
Bittersweet are they were
Anxious and scared
But not this bad
Not all the time
I think
I know
My mind wants
Sometimes
To do something so wrong
Tell me why it feels right
Don't tell me the facts
That people just feel like this
Something in the brain
Unbalanced
It sounds so
Emotionless
Compared to the existence
Of these thoughts and feelings
Pushing
Hurt
I won't
Yes-
No
I don't want to
But maybe
I have already
Not in the way you might think
But maybe
I'm already scarred
But no matter
Turn the music on
Let me hear some relief from this constant pain
Let me hide and pretend from my own feelings
Which I'm hiding from
Which I'm so scared of
Especially now
Growing worse
Better
Worse
In circles around we go
But there is no real escape
I know that one hurts, doesn't it?
I know my own mind
And I know the things
That trigger me so
They speak of love and relationships
And happiness
While
I know of hurt and pain
Which cuts so deep
I know
If some of the terrible feelings
That plague us
As humans
Sometimes it seems
I'm more used to the lowest points
Living there
Hoping to get better
Until I don't have any hope
This is how I have felt and how I do feel
Sometimes
Lately more often than I can help
I can't change my nature
I can't change my brain
But I can try to choose
How I'll act on it
I can try
To make this choice
To stay
That's what I day to myself
That's what I keep writing down
On myself
Stay
Stay alive
Please
Isn't it for moments like this?
Away from it all
Safe
Or at least supposed to be
But if you look close
You can see my face, can't you?
And how unhappy I am still...
I wish
Anything I did was enough
But I've been looking around
Searching for something I'll never find
Not here
Not now
Alone and afraid
I wish
I could belive you really care
But please don't judge me too harshly
At the core I'm just like you
I'm just
Human
YOU ARE READING
The Original Poems
PoetryA collection of poetry, all written by me. Some of its kind of sad, and kind of dark. But it's all based, however loosely, on real life. A note before you read: I'm glad you're taking the time to read my poetry :). But before you do, I'd like to m...
