When you're still alive
Bur barely clinging to life
Desperately fighting for survival
In a world that goes on like nothing is wrong
Going through the motions
Always stopping just short of something real
More closed off
More afraid
How can you dare to think about the future
When you're terrified of the present
Never feeling enough to truly interact
Crashing back into numbness no matter the day
Hour
Year
Dreams are gone I think
But the ones that remain don't make any sense
Always flinching at loud noises
Sensitive sensitive
Too late too late
Can't crawl out of bed even though it's too late to be sleeping
Too twisted up sometimes
To want to eat anything
Don't take this the wrong way
Part of me is screaming out
-at random times, out of the way-
Just k_ll y_or_elf
Turning away
Crying just so
Crying even though they don't seem to see
Hiding away
But feeling
So terrible inside
Reading the word
S_i_cide
Hearing it
Anything
It hurts you know
But seems like I can't explain it to anyone I know
So you see?
You're there but thousands of miles away
What's lurking below
And what's trying to win
I hope so bad doesn't
But at the same time-
Life is not all it seems
And that's when I get lower again
Trying trying trying
Draw draw
Read write
Distractions
Oh why can't I just be normal
Well
I don't know
Or lately
Why don't I feel at home inside myself?
No one even understands that it seems
F_ne
I say when you ask how I am
Just f_ne
But I'm not
And I can't explain it
Because then-
No
Just no
You see me
But not me
Lately this version of myself seems so wrong
Do you remember, I asked myself, talking to myself,
When things were easy, happy?
No I don't
Because they never were
So the silence descends
And the thoughts race around
And I don't dare ask for help
Because I don't want to be
Even more of what I feel is true-
A burden
Don't take this the wrong way
If I didn't feel this way why would I be writing it down?
But I do
And that's what I'm saying
Just yesterday-
Well,
I don't want to think about that
You know
Out of nowhere those thoughts come
Can't watch the movie now
Can't do anything you want to do
Because I'm a thousand miles away
This is how I've felt
How I try so hard not to feel
But don't be alarmed
I promise I'm not the only one
And besides-
Yes,
It's not my fault
I feel this way
~~~~~~~~
Don't take this the wrong way I kept repeating, because I'm scared it will be taken the wrong way. Depression is sometimes way more then simply feeling sad....
I know that. And people telling you to be happy, they care, it doesn't change how you feel all the time.
-🌌
YOU ARE READING
The Original Poems
PoetryA collection of poetry, all written by me. Some of its kind of sad, and kind of dark. But it's all based, however loosely, on real life. A note before you read: I'm glad you're taking the time to read my poetry :). But before you do, I'd like to m...
