The Original Poems

~Wishing and wanting and falling and breaking~

When the world's falling and my thoughts are, too, falling around me in broken shards, 

Trying to stay focused, 

But on what? 

I'm already broken,

Nothing can heal it...

Unless-

But now...

I've got to stop, 

Got to stop panicking at every small incident, 

Got to stop waiting for people to leave me alone and then feeling scared when they do, 

Got to stop doing things that only result in more pain 

Got to stop-

Stop what? 

Being myself in the only way I know how?

Or, heaven forbid,

Stop trying? 

Even worse, 

Stop living?

As terrible as it sounds,

I can't keep myself from wondering if that-

But no

We aren't wandering down that path tonight, 

It's too dark 

And, I think, 

The light needs me tonight 

But that doesn't matter, 

I already fell to my knees, 

Already asked for help,

Already...

Already what? 

My own feelings even betray me, 

Here I am wondering if I'm happy, 

I still feel like it, partially,

But also sad,

I think. 

Unless it's not so black and white?

I don't know but 

I've got to stop 

Wishing things were different

They aren't 

I'm here,

I can't deal with it,

But I'm here,

For all the good that does