Incorrect Quotes 14

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New York, to Massachusetts and Connecticut: Come on, Mass. You guys gotta create a diversion.

Massachusetts, sarcastic: What do you want me to do? Dress in drag and do the hula?

[five minutes later]

Massachusetts, with a flower in his hair, a lei, and a grass skirt: Luau~

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Colorado: happy birthday BIIITCH!

Nevada: so you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?!

Colorado: happy birthd-

Nevada: [smashes cup on Colorado's face]

Nevada: BITCH!

Nevada: Stay out my mother [tech glitch] house bitch. She got the game [Tech glitch] up

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Florida: Prepare for trouble!

Louisiana: Make it double!

~~~~~~~~~~

DC, checking out at the store: They're gonna need nutrition.

Store clerk: How many kids you have?

DC: 50.

Store clerk: So I'm assuming your kids really like apple juice.

DC: Oh no baby, they love orange juice but they've been bad this week.

Store clerk: What grade are your kids in?

DC: 16th grade.

Store clerk: 16th grade that's not even a grade. So your kids graduated college?

DC: No, no. Where are my kids?

~~~~~~~~~~

Any non Midwest state, on the phone with a Midwest state: Hey man, question, umm... Do you know where I can save big money?

Any Midwest state: At Menards.

Any non Midwest state: At Menards?

Any Midwest state: At Menards.

~~~~~~~~~~

New York: I'm not doing that.

Florida: Would you do it for a Klondike bar?

~~~~~~~~~~

New York: [angry yelling and death threats] 

The Fandom: Aww he's so cute and cuddly!

~~~~~~~~~~

Florida, having consumed enough caffeine to kill three horse, crawling around the room rapidly: WHERE ARE THE FRESH CHILDREN FOR ME TO FEAT UPON????

DC, holding up a cross and baking himself into the corner: whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK

~~~~~~~~~~

California: I want to be a caterpillar.

CDC: Explain?

California: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.

CDC: You know that they have a lifespan of like two weeks, right?

California: That's another highlight.

DC: California nO-

~~~~~~~~~~

New Hampshire: Remember when you dared me to lick that swingset?

Vermont: No, I said "New Hampshire, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and did it.

~~~~~~~~~~

New York: Goddammit

Illinois: HEY!

Illinois: [takes out a corn snake he's been hiding in his sleeve] Never swear in front of Gerald!

New York:

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