"Well that was weird," I heard that Eren guy say right as I leaned up against the wall to catch my breath.
"Traumatic flashback," Levi said right after. I rolled my eyes, well why don't you just tell the whole world. Whatever, I don't even care that much. Tell everyone I don't give a shit.
I took a deep breath. I didn't want to stay here any longer than needed. Not to mention eavesdropping is the last thing I want to do. It's so pathetic. I tried to move away from the wall and found my legs frozen in place. There's no use, I can't move. I can barely keep my breathing in check, but my muscles all tensed up and refused to release.
Just breath Rico you're fine stop being a little bitch I told myself over and over again until I believe it. Or that was the plan at least.
"Oh that makes more sense," I heard Eren say. "Is she okay?"
I'm doing fucking fabulous not that he should care.
"I think so, she just apologized when she realized I could hear her thoughts." I felt my legs relax a little and I managed to move away from their room. Finally, all I have to do is apologize to the other two and I can spend the rest of this miserable day inside the room away from everyone.
I walked down the long hallway hoping I was heading the right way. Pixis had told me where I could find each of the rooms, but the long row of rooms seemed to blend together as I walked down them. Was this one Molbit's or was it the next one? Did I already pass it?
They said third from the end on the left side is Molbit's and on the right side was Ms. Magnolia. Is this the third room? I can't tell my head is pounding my heart is racing and I'm still having trouble catching my breath. I'm so dizzy and the room is spinning. I closed my eyes for a quick second to try and get my head straight. Knock it off Rico you're fine I told myself.
"You okay? You don't look too good hun," I heard a voice behind me right as I tried to turn around I passed out. Guess I was too stubborn to realize I was hyperventilating so much that I wasn't getting enough oxygen.
I shot up and opened my eyes. "Where am I," the words left my mouth before I could look around the room. I was in a room, in a bed. This wasn't my room and wasn't my bed.
"You passed out just outside my door," I heard the same voice that came through right before I lost consciousness.
"Ms. Magnolia?" I asked rubbing at my eyes that were still trying to focus in the dark room. "What time is it?" I asked. I thought it was around noon. Why is it so dark. I looked around and realized the lantern in the room was turned at the lowest setting and there were no windows. That's right there's not a lot of natural light around the rooms.
"It's only been a few minutes since you blacked out," she said, taking a seat on the other bed in the room. "I carried you in here so you wouldn't wake up on the floor.
"Oh, thanks," I mumbled.
"How's your head?" She asked. She started to lean forward and reached a hand out to me before hesitantly pulling it back and putting it back down at her side. "You fell to the floor so fast you scared me half to death."
"I'm okay." Definitely not. My head was pounding before I passed out, but this is so much worse. I stood up and cleared my throat. "Um, I actually came here to apologize to you and Molbit about how I was acting earlier. I was being an ass."
"Apology accepted," she smiled. That was easy. Too easy. Who forgives people that quickly? And why does she have two beds in her room? Ya know what I don't care right now I just want to get this over with so I can head back to my own room.
"Oh okay then," I said before looking to the door, "I'm going to go find Molbit now," I said awkwardly pointing towards the door."
"Okay, he should be in his room, he doesn't leave it all that often."
"He doesn't?" That's odd.
"Yeah, working as a spy has really gotten to him. He has really bad paranoia and is always looking over his shoulder whenever he's in the room with other people."
Sounds sketchy, but I'm trying to have a more open mind, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt I guess.
"Makes sense," I mumbled, "thanks again," I said before heading out of her room.
I looked at the door just across the hall from hers. This should be his then? I knocked on the wall next to Molbit's door. I heard a quiet come in and did just that.
"Oh, um can I help you?" He asked tensing up when he realized it was me who walked in.
"I came to apologize for earlier. I'm sorry for how I was acting."
"Oh," he said a little shocked, "It's okay, honestly, I understand where you were coming from," he nodded.
"What?" That's not at all what I expected him to say.
"I mean, you guys weren't the only ones on edge today. I'm not the most level headed meeting new people either. My thoughts always jump to the worst-case scenario. Especially when I'm in a situation where I can't predict the outcome."
"Well I guess I made your worst-case scenario come true," I mumbled.
"Oh, not even close," he laughed, " What happened today was a walk in the park compared, and honestly I'm okay with that," a smile slipped onto his face.
"What was the worst-case scenario?" I asked out of pure curiosity. If today's trainwreck wasn't even close than how dark did his thoughts go.
"Well in any worst-case scenario my mind comes up with," he let out a sigh before continuing, "people die," he forced the words out. "Not that I thought any of you guys would actually purposely harm any of us, it's just that's how my mind works," he rushed the last part out.
Oh. I mean I should have known, but a part of me forgot that death was even a possibility. Our team has never come close to losing a member, and with our powers combined it seemed impossible so my thoughts never really go that dark.
"So far I've been lucky that all of my worst-case scenarios haven't come true, but one of these days I might not be so lucky. We've come close to losing a few people once or twice, but so far, thankfully, everyone's made it out alive."
I thought our team of seven was invincible together. That we had enough people to fight any threat that came our way but hearing him say that his group has almost lost a few people scares me more than anything. Their group has almost 4 times as many people as ours, and yet here he is telling me that they aren't strong enough to beat any threat. They have people who are literally bulletproof and indestructible. I felt my blood run cold for a moment. All the blood drained out of my face and I sat there with a thousand-yard stare as different scenarios flashed in front of my eyes.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to go that dark with this," he must have noticed how pale I got.
"I-," I couldn't form any words. My thoughts just started spiraling.
"Are you okay? You're not going to pass out again are you?" He asked and I looked up. He knew I passed out? Well I mean it was right in front of both his and Ms. Magnolia's rooms.
"I'm okay," I mumbled out. I could tell he didn't believe me. I wouldn't believe me either. My thoughts were still spiraling and all I could think about was Nanaba lying there dead on the floor in front of me. I can't breathe. He just placed his hand on my back and led me over to his bed. I felt a different wave of panic wash over me, but I couldn't snap myself out of this trance I was in.
He sat me down and just rubbed my back telling me, "it's going to be okay," and, "take a deep breath."
I did just that and closed my eyes trying to clear my thoughts. Today is not my day. I don't know why I'm so panicky today. Scratch that I know exactly why I'm so panicky. I was thrusted into a new environment surrounded and outnumbered by new people who I don't even know if I can trust. On top of that, I keep getting these traumatic flashbacks and now spiraling thoughts about losing the people I care about, and now I'm sitting in some strange man's room on his bed having a mental breakdown.
I took a few deep breaths and just shut down all of my emotions. I went blank. These were going to be a bitch to deal with later, but I could care less. The last thing I want to do is break down in front of a total stranger. I shot up to my feet and opened my eyes.
"Thank you for calming me down, I'm sorry you had to see that," I said with a monotone voice.
"It's okay, if you need to talk, my doors always open," he said with a soft tone. I could see the concern behind his eyes, but he stayed quiet.
"Thank you," I mumbled before turning to leave. I just wanted to go back to my room and deal with all these emotions by myself. I'm surprised at how nice he acted. He genuinely seemed to care, but being in his room alone with him sent chills down my spine. Not because I have anything against him, but being in the room with a strange man alone has never ended well for me.
I avoided everyone in the common area as I headed over to our rooms. I finally made it back to my room and Nanaba was sitting on my bed with her legs crossed waiting for me. Fuck not now.
"You wanna talk about earlier?" She asked.
"Not really," I said plopping down on the bed next to her burying my face in a pillow. "I already apologized so you don't have to lecture me about it."
"You apologized?" she sounded genuinely surprised, "I'm proud of you."
"Don't get used to it," I mumbled.
"Anything else on your mind that you want to talk about?" she asked, putting a hand on my back.
"Not really."
"I know when something's eating at you, and well, Ms. Magnolia told me that you blacked out not long ago."
"Snitch."
"Hey be nice. She was just worried about you, and so am I. You haven't blacked out like that in years."
I let out a loud groan knowing that she wasn't going to let this go until I talked to her. "Fine," I sat up, "yes I passed out. It wasn't anything serious. It's just that everything was weight down on me from today I was really stressed out and then with the traumatic flashba-." shit.
"You had a traumatic flashback?" She asked getting even more worried.
I let out a sigh, "yes, but I'm fine now," my voice cracked as I said that. Well, she can tell I'm lying now. I might not want to talk about any of this, but my brain keeps snapping back to that image of her dead on the floor and I want nothing more than to hug her.
"Honey," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. There it is. Whenever she knows I'm not doing okay she always calls me honey and puts her hand on my shoulder. She hasn't done it since I was a kid. I never thought at 21 one word could break me, but that did it. I didn't even hold back anymore. I just threw my arms around her and let myself break down.
"I know honey," she whispered, pulling me into her lap. Her hand ran through my hair as she held me close. "It will be okay, I'm right here."