Mount Sinai Adolescent Center (Olivia's Perspective)
Right now, I was heading over to Sinai, to meet with Bella's therapist. You may be thinking, why in the hell was I going over there in the middle of the day when I should be working? It'll soon be known why I was going over there. Very soon.
2 Days Earlier
"Get away from me! Get away from me!" My 12-year-old said in tears. This tantrum was brought about simply by me asking how things were going. It was painful to watch because she hasn't done that in years. Bella doesn't throw tantrums like that.
"Bella, what happened?" I asked calmly, sensing that something was very off. Something was seriously paining her for her to act like this. She was traumatized, extremely traumatized.
"Leave me alone!" She knocked over my
Coffee table and it made me livid, but as livid as I was, I had to remember that I had a daughter, two daughters with varying forms of PTSD, and I had to act appropriately. I managed to restrain Bella and prevent her from damaging anything else in my office, or hurting herself.
"Deep breaths."
"I don't want to do those stupid deep breaths."
"Then let's talk about it, tell me what's wrong." She mumbled and I fixed my daughter's hair.
"What? I can't hear munchkin."
"I wanna go to sleep. I don't wanna go to school."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to! I want to go to sleep and never wake up ever again. This is hell."
"Why is your life hell?"
"Liv?" Carisi said while coming in.
"I'm so sorry about this, let me just-"
"It's okay, I'll fix this. Bella, is everything alright?" She shook her head and continued to cry.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No, I don't want to."
"I'm so sorry to bother you on your free time."
"It's alright. How's Bella?"
"She says she feels horrible. Poor girl. The other day she had a very serious bout of PTSD, that I've never witnessed before."
"What happened?"
"I asked her how her day was and then I saw the signs she started to cry and get really upset. She's been very down lately."
"She told me, I asked her why and she said that she doesn't want to think negatively."
"Aww. Poor baby, I wish I knew what it was. She says school is fine, I doubt something happened at school."
"Did something happen on the way to school?"
"That's what I thought, but what could it really be?"
"It could be anything, anything that reminds of her trauma, it could be something as simple as topics she's learning in class." I nodded and took a moment to think.
"I've been thinking about trying a different course of therapy for Bella. She's been telling me that she doesn't necessarily appreciate the arrangements at the moment because she feels stuck. I agree with her, for years Bella has been doing ACT therapy, and now because she's an adolescent and experiencing puberty I think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will be better for her. Dr. Johansson specializes in that area and I think it'll be great for Bell to make that transition. We can't keep her stuck in such child-like therapy."
"If this is what you see to be fit, I'll support the transition. I just want Bella to be happy."
************
My Living Room (Bella's Perspective)
"Hey, love muffin." I took a mental health day from school with Mom and I still felt gross.
"Can I have ice cream?"
"Yes, baby." She gave me a kiss and I covered myself in the blanket. I felt a bit sleepy, but also nauseous. Elliot should be coming home soon from work. It's 1 pm.
"Here." Cookie dough. My favorite.
"Thanks."
"So Bella, is there anything that you'd like to talk about? You can tell me." I shivered and went under the covers.
"Did something happen at school?"
"No, school is fine."
"Bella, I want to know what triggered you so I can help you be better. Please tell me. I want to help you." I don't want to tell Mom. I just thought that this was all past me, I didn't think it would come back to haunt me again.
"Can you tell me please?"
"Not now."
"You've been saying that for days, how long are you going to put off telling me?" I hugged Ryan and stared out the window out into the backyard.
"Bella Danielle, look at me." I turned around and my Mom looked extremely concerned.
"If you don't tell me, I'm going to find out myself. And I think it's better if you tell me. Understand what I'm saying?" I nodded and sighed.
"What happened?"
"You never told me-"
"Told you what?!"
"I don't want to talk about it Mom. I really don't." Mom made eye contact with me and spoke again.
"By the way, I spoke to your therapist yesterday, and we talked about doing a new sort of therapy for you."
"Huh?! What?"
"Bella, you said you felt stuck right?" I nodded and Mom pulled me into a cuddle and I nodded.
"Dr. Johansson really wants to meet with you so we can help you. A new type of therapy that will help you feel less like a child. Tomorrow, we're not going to start sessions, we're going to ease into it. Just a consultation."
"Promise."
"I promise baby." I gave my mom a short hug and told her I was going to take a shower. It'd help me feel better.
***********
The Trinity School (Jake's Perspective)
"I missed you! Where were you?!" I asked. Bella smiled and gave me a hug.
"I was at home. I didn't feel very well."
"That sucks. Do you feel better now?"
"A little bit. I'm still a bit uncomfortable, but I'll be okay." I didn't know what was wrong with Bella, but I hope she was okay, she didn't text me or anyone else for days!
"On the bright side, it's the last month of school. Can you believe it?"
"I honestly can't, 7th grade dragged on and on!" We sat down in homeroom and continued to talk. Our other friends started to trickle in.
"Bella! OMG, you had me soo worried!"
"I'm okay guys, I'm okay. Thanks for visiting."
"I had to, I thought you died," Kylie said.
"Thanks, guys, I feel so much better with your support."
"Any time, you're the most caring person in our group, it's about time you got some special treatment." Bella smiled wide and hugged everyone.
"See look she's feeling better."
"But, I still feel slightly stressed, I have to make up work."
"I'll help you," I said. Her cute smile came in and nodded.
"Sounds nice." This made me think about the conversation we had about the people we liked. I really wonder if she likes me. She seems to like Brayden. I could be wrong. The bell rang and we were off to our classes.
"I have to go to English! Ugh, the work."
"He's going to be on your ass for not being here," Hannah said.
"I have a note. He can't say squat." We all laughed and went off to class. Eventually, it was just Bella and me again.
"Bell, are you feeling well enough for ice cream after school?"
"Definitely. I could never say no to ice cream. Text me at the end of the day."
"I will." She gave me a hug and went inside of her English class.
"Bye Jake."
"Bye."
***********
The Precinct (Olivia's Perspective)
"I see you have ice cream. Can I have a taste?" Bella nodded and gave me a spoon.
"Thanks, honey. Can you sit here for a moment?"
"Okay."
"We need to look over your schedule for the week, I'm wondering where to fit in therapy."
"Monday's, I have band and dance."
"Tuesdays, gym and music."
"Thursdays, band and dance."
"Friday, gym."
"So, what about Wednesday and Sunday sessions?"
"But, Wednesday is my only off day Mom."
"We have to make sacrifices sometimes dear."
"I've been thinking about quitting music."
"Why babe?"
"I've been doing it since I was 5 years old. I am capable of playing three instruments in my 8 years of lessons. I think I can stop now. I just want to do one last recital and then I'm done."
"I hear you, and I want you to be the one to tell your teacher that you're quitting since this is completely your decision. Okay?"
"That's fine. Besides, I have band." I gave my daughter a kiss and a hug before getting back to my work.
"Consultation's tomorrow right?"
"Yes, sweet pea."
"I'm nervous."
"Why honey?"
"Because this is my third therapist Mama. I just want peace."
"Oh sweetheart, you will get peace, you will."
"Will I?"
"Yes, this new type of therapy will really help
You. Give it a chance, please baby."
"Alright. I will."
"Thanks for cooperating sweetheart. It's going to be worth it in the long run."
"But, you can't promise that Mama."
"But trying doesn't hurt. I know you're skeptical baby. But, just give it a chance."
"I promise I will." I gave her a hug and she stayed with her head in my lap, asking me to stroke her hair the way I would when she was a small child.
"I have to get back to work baby."
"No, just make me feel loved." Just make me feel loved.
Pt.2 coming soon