As the minutes ticked on, still waiting for Marley to return with our friend, I elected to take out my phone and put both ear buds in, blocking out all the world except my Christina Perri Head or Heart play-list. I stared out the window, lost in the music and in thought. I was so engrossed that I almost didn't notice that Hazel was studying me. I felt like a test subject. I felt like I was a little rat under her experiments and trials, here to be warped and persuaded into a maze of her devices, only to hope for a little reward at the end of it all.
I took out one of my ear buds.
"Do you want to talk about anything?" I tossed her a smile, but it was in vain. Hazel was still as emotionless as ever. I just wanted anything. A smile, a glare, a sign I was accepted or at least acknowledged.
"No" Hazel replied simply.
"You sure? You have no questions about academic courses, after school programs, little secluded nooks to have lunch where no one will bother you?"
"No"
"Do you have any friends?"
"Socialization is a distraction and a nuisance"
"Oh..." Once more lets just pretend that didn't send a hammer and chisel to have its way at my chest. I have never felt anything like this. Never so vulnerable to anything. "You could have just told me to shut up" and spared me the hope of anything....
"Hello, loves" Marley's voice echoed up the flight of stairs just as I was about to put my ear buds back in. She came into view with Robyn and her boyfriend Cael.
"Hey, Mar, Robbie, vegetable" I smiled at them. "Robbie, vegetable, this is Hazel. Hazel this is Robyn and Cael"
"Hello" Cael said, looking Hazel over. I couldn't help a flood of jealousy through my veins. Odd. I've had a good number of interests before, and never felt jealous when my friends jokingly checked them out.
"Hi, I'm Robyn, this stupid perv is my boyfriend Cael" Robyn elbowed Cael in the chest.
"I'm sorry" Hazel scowled, looking back between them critically.
"Oh, that was a joke" Robyn smiled awkwardly.
"I know"
"Aren't you just full of all things good" Cael put his arm around Robyn's waist. He was extremely protective of her, probably because they were perfect together, and both of them couldn't really comprehend the fact that one day they were going to get married and have little tantrums that Marley or I would end up watching while they did something they 'deserved' for watching after two plus children for a number of years. See I had my whole life worked out.
"I am honest and logical" Hazel expressed her confusion at the gesture, but there was no way to tell what was the cause of her disappointment.
"Then I'd really love for you to not be so honest..." Robyn muttered to her.
"Please don't take my denial of your request as insensitivity. I am not allowed lies, whether they be silent or spoken" she replied, never once breaking eye contact with Robyn. Cael whispered something to Robyn, she nodded, then he kissed her cheek and walked over to me, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me with him as he walked away from the group. I knew he was going to tell me that Robyn didn't want her around.
"Sorry about her" I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "You can tell her whatever lie you want to stick her with me" I knew he didn't want her around Robyn, the girl was far too sensitive and a little insecure about her relationship with Cael.
"Thanks, Gray. We owe you one" Cael pat my head.
"Yeah, yeah, you still owe me twenty dollars for buying you lunch every single time you forgot your money"
"Well the girl is hot so I don't owe you too much more for, quote, 'sticking her' with you" Cael smirked cockily.
"Shh, you're only supposed to think Robyn is hot" I smiled.
"Nah, I'm only supposed to have feelings for Robyn, I'm allowed to think other girls are hot as long as I don't hit on 'em or check them out. That's rule five" we laughed at that. Cael and I had been friends since, what? Elementary school? Back in middle school we made up these rules for dating as a joke, and we were always referencing them. Anyway, just a little snip-it of my life: I met Marley when Cael started dating Robyn, who had been her best friend, Marley and I clicked so we became this super-close bundle of sarcastic misfits. Cael and Robyn are still really really close with us, and they aren't big on PDA so its always fine to hang out with both of them at the same time. Now you know.
"And rule eight is that Robyn has full control of your dirty mind" I sneered.
"Hell yeah she does. All the time" he wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. I was ninety percent sure he was just kidding... Its hard to tell with teen guys...
"Well, we have to get back to watching my robot of a new student, and hope your girlfriend isn't in tears from her 'honesty and logic'" I turned to walk away.
"You have a huge crush on her, don't you?" I turned back to find Cael with that little smirk that had first been my red flag to him being best friend material.
"Sure I do" I rolled my eyes.
"You've ditched all your other new students within the first five minutes. I know cause Robyn is a magnet for people who are out of place, and we generally get stuck with all of them" he mused. "But really, do you like her? Cause all the guys are going to be all over her and I can give them a gentle nudge in the wrong direction if you want to handle this yourself" he added. Ah, gotta love this guy.
"Thanks, veggie, but I think it would be best to just try and get over it. She may look good but I don't think a relationship with her is even remotely possible" I sighed. It was bad enough to admit it to myself, but to say it aloud was like saying I was going to jump off a cliff tomorrow, it became a promise as soon as it past my lips.
"So you do have a crush on her?" He redirected us with that grin again.
"Yes. Yes I do. And I am not ashamed to admit it because you cant blame me for it!" I put my hands on my hips, asking for him to oppose me.
"Whoa there, kiddo, I never said I did blame you!" He laughed, putting his arm back over my shoulders in a friendly way. "Lets go return to your girlfriend fantasy"
"Who says anything about her being my girlfriend? I'm not shallow enough to get with someone just cause they have a pretty face"
"That's how you became my friend"
"Yes it is. You came up to me and said 'you're sexy, date me'" we were laughing when we came into earshot. I'm so glad Robyn is anything but the jealous type, otherwise she'd be freaking.
"Who missed me?" we reentered the talking circle that had formed. No one said anything. "Who missed the vegetable?" I sighed when both Marley and Robyn raised their hands.
"Grace" Hazel stood, looking irritated and tired of us. "Why don't you show me where my classrooms are so I can find them on my own" she said flatly. "I don't mean to offend any of you, but am not looking for any friendships, and I would not pursue any with any of you. You seem rather immature and childish" everyone's jaws dropped. All except mine. I kept a vacuum in my mouth so it would fall to the ground. That hurt a lot.
"Yeah... I'll show you around..." Cael looked at me with pitiful eyes. He was a huge drama queen. Its not like this was killing me from the inside... Wait... Is it? I don't know... It is extremely agonizing to hear her talk about me like this, humiliating me. She talks like she is better than us because she has lost all the joy in her life. I want to help her but I don't know how. I want her to trust me but I will never be what she is, and she will never accept that I am as childish and imperfect as I am...
"Follow me" I said under my breath, picking up my backpack and slinging it over one shoulder. Hazel followed me to the room where her first class would be after the free period we shared. You're thinking its a weird coincidence? Well they assign students to help based on their schedule, so we have many similar classes. Hooray.
"You're offended" Hazel pointed out flatly while we were alone in the hallways. "I said before that I did not mean any offence"
"Just because you say it doesn't mean it people can just not be bothered by it"
"It is not criticism, it is a simple fact. You have it in your abilities to change the existing truth that you are a child" she just didn't get it. "Harming you was not my intent, but I will not apologize for the truth"
"Just please stop talking to me. I'll show you where you have to be. Unless you can find it in yourself to have some hint of respect for me, please just keep your mouth closed" and at that Hazel shut up. I showed her all her classes and what subject she had in them. When the bell for class rang we walked to our classes, which happened to be the same English class.
"Grace" Hazel stopped me outside the door.
"Yes?"
"I appreciate you showing me around, but understand that we are not friends, we are not acquaintances. I don't like you, and I will not be around an irritating child like yourself. Thank you, but now please leave me alone" and with that she walked in to the class and left me dumbstruck.