Jungkook POV
Today I found out something.
Jin hyung would go to Jimin's house every day..
I asked him if I can come with him.
"He doesn't want to see you, don't you understand that?" He said.
"I know....but I want to say sorry..." I said. Jin hyung shake his head.
"I just wish you didn't treat him so bad...."
"I won't, I promise" I said. He sigh and said "Fine then, but if he ends up kicking you then it's not my problem"
And so we went there.
Jimin open the door, smiling widely but when he look at me, he stopped.
"Y-You brought h-him Jin hyung?" Jimin said. Jin hyung ruffle Jimin's hair and said "I'm here so it's okay"
We both entered inside.
"Jimin can you come with me for a second?" Jin hyung said. Jimin hyung nodded and Jin hyung was whispering.
I saw Jimin's face changed from confused to horrified.
Then Jin hyung came to me and said "I'm leaving you two alone, call me immediately when Jimin needs me"
And then he left.
It was quiet in the living room. I clear my throat and said "So....how's life?"
He didn't answer me. "Do you want a drink?" He said. "Sure.."
He nodded and went to the kitchen.
I look around the house and my eyes landed at the picture frame.
I took it and stare at the picture.
It was a picture of Seokjin and Jimin hugging each other.
I smile a little.
Jimin looks safe with Jin hyung....
"Here..." Jimin gave me the drink. "Thank you" I place the picture frame back and drink.
Nobody spoke a single word.
"Um...you look good..." I said, rubbing the back of my neck. He blink his eyes. "Oh okay"
Silence once again.
This is so awkward....
"Hyung?" He look at me. "Hm?"
I put down my drink and clasp my hand together. "I wanna say sorry...for everything..."
His eyes widen and then he look down at the floor.
".....I....can't forgive you..."
I sigh. "I understand but I've changed! Believe me hyung! I really do!"
He shake his head, smiling fakely. "You've changed yes, that's right but the things you did will never make me forget"
I was getting frustrated. I just want him to forgive me. Is it that hard?
"Why can't you just forgive me? I was an asshole that time and I knew that Jimin hyung"
He didn't say anything and stand up.
"Where are you going?" I asked. He open the drawer and handed me a book.
"I want to give this to you"
I stare at it. The book was a maroon color with a gold lock on the right.
"Here's the key, don't lose it" he said and gave me the small silver key.
"Why would you give this to me?" I asked. I wanted him to forgive me, not a book.
He smile a little and said "That is my diary, I want you to read it and then you can come back if you want...."
"Oh..."
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I went home after that, getting inside my bedroom.
But then, Jin hyung came in, his face looked worried. "Is Jimin doing fine?"
I nodded. "Yeah..."
He sigh in relief and left me alone.
"Wait"
He stop and look at me. "What is it?"
I bit my bottom lips. "Do you hate me hyung?"
I asked nervously.
He thought for awhile and said "I don't hate you, just disappointed. I wanted you to be kind to Jimin but you didn't listen and continued being mean. Because of that, he left us"
I gulp. The words hit me like a truck. It was all true.
"Sorry Jin hyung"
"Hm" he close my bedroom door.
I look down at the diary and took the key, opening it.
The diary was filled with drawings and some quotes at the front.
I continued to flip the pages and then finally, I found his story.
13 January 2013.
Hello diary! This is my first thing to say hahaha. Anyway, I hope I get to write more about my life. Oh yeah! Today we have a new friend! His name is Jeon Jungkook. He's really cute. I think I might melt hehehe..
I think that's all bye bye.
He thinks I'm cute? Well, as if I didn't expect that..
20 January 2013
Hi diary! Okay, this might be weird. But I think I'm developing a crush on Jungkook. But I would usually call him Kookie or Jungkookie! It's a cute nickname right? But I think he doesn't like it...hmmm oh well! I will try to make him like it! And maybe....
Me as well hehehe
Bye bye
I can't help but to chuckle. "He's so cute writing this..."
Reading his stories about me is interesting. He really did like me.
But it got depressed as it goes.
11 October 2015
Hi diary....Today is really sad for me... You know why? Because Kookie kept pushing me away...it really hurt me...
But...
It's just for fun right?
Bye bye...
13 October 2015
Hi diary. Today is my birthday! I got sooo many cool presents from my hyungs and Taehyung too! Kookie didn't give me any presents though.. But it's okay!
It's just a birthday. I'm sure he will give me one next time.
Bye bye
It made me feel bad that I didn't give him one. He was expecting it...
And I didn't care that time.
As I keep reading, I've noticed that his writings were getting messier.
There was even blood on some page.
17 October 2015
Hi diary. I'm really sad. No. I'm depressed. I feel like shit. My mind feels so numb. Everything hurts.
I cut my wrist today...
It stings but it doesn't matter.
Because who would have thought that Kookie...
No. It's Jungkook. Who would have thought Jungkook would beat me up and throw me at the wall like I'm a piece of junk.
God. It hurts. I want him to stop. But I can't.
Because I'm afraid of him
I was shock at that.
He cut himself? I was so mean to him yet he still smile like nothing happened. I'm a monster indeed.
His handwritings were getting messier and the pages had tear stains.
The last one was when he left the house that time
20 November 2015
Dear diary, today is the day I got out from the house.
The hyungs weren't there.
I wish they were.
I was been beaten up and slap by him again.
But this time. I can't....he hurt me so bad! Why can't he just stop?! I even begged him but He raped me! He fucking raped me! He's a monster!!
Why does he hate me so much?!
I was so kind to him yet he treated me like shit! He called me a faggot, a slut! Does he thinks that I don't have a heart at all?!
Why Jungkook? Why would you do this to me?
He wanted me out and now he got what he wants....
Please...I can't do this anymore...
he's not the same person anymore...
I just wanna die...
A tear escape from my eyes.
Shit. I'm a terrible person. It's no wonder why Jin hyung is disappointed.
Jimin hyung is right.
I am a monster.
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The next day, I went to see him. I hide behind the wall to see Jimin. He was watering his plants and he look happy.
Should I go there?
Won't I scare him?
I was so lost in thought that Jimin was already inside his house.
"Maybe for a little while...."
I went there and knock the door. "Who is it?" A soft voice spoke.
"I-it's me..Jungkook" I said. I heard footsteps coming and then he open the door.
I smile a little, waving my hand. "Can I come in?"
He bit his bottom lip but nodded and open the door.
I sigh in relief. "Thank you"
"Okay"
We sat down on the sofa again, drinking juice.
"I um....I read your diary yesterday..." I said. He look at me and said "You...did?"
"Yeah? You gave me to read so I did, why?"
"Oh..well" he look down while playing with his fingers. "Usually, you would throw them away..."
"Ah...right..." I forgot that I did that.
God, I wish to go back in time right now...
So I can change everything...
"You've been through a lot Hyung....now I know why you wanted me to read it... because If i didn't then I wouldn't understand how your life was so miserable..." I said. He nodded, still playing with his fingers.
"I know you Jungkook, it will be impossible for you to understand unless someone shows it to you" he said.
I look at him and it makes me feel guilty of how he knows so much about me and cares about me too much.
Why couldn't I do that?
I can tell he still isn't comfortable with me so I stood up and open the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow... that is...if you let me?" I asked. He turn around and said "No...I want to see Jin hyung..can you bring him tomorrow?"
I bit my lip. Why does it hurt that he would rather see Jin hyung over me? Guess I deserve it.
"Sure... I'll tell him"
"Okay"
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I only visit him when Jin hyung would let me.
It was only just one day.
But it's enough for me to see him.
It's a Sunday morning, I thought I should go see him.
He was still uncomfortable with me. He would sit far away or avoid eye contact and skin contact.
It made my heart hurt that he changed. He was like a fragile glass. If you touch him, he'll break easily.
I did it the first time so I'm not going to do it the second time.
Knock knock
Jimin open the door with a blank face.
I smile and handed him a teddy bear.
"Here, a souvenir for you" I said. He look at it and hesitantly took it with shaky hands.
He stared at it and look at me, smiling.
"It's cute Jungkook thank you" He said. "Yes, like you Jimin hyung and your welcome"
He flinch and open the door wide. "O-Okay..."
He close the door and my eyes landed on the food at the table.
"Wow Jimin hyung you made so many food!" I felt my mouth watering. "O-Oh? Really? I don't have to eat it if you want me too"
I turn around, shock by his own words. "why would you say that?"
"Um..." He played with his shirts. "Y-You..would ask me to stop eating because I would b-become fat..."
I wanted to cry when he said that. I went towards him but he slowly back away.
"Wh-What do you want?" He said. "I just want to hug you" I said. I wanted to comfort him but He shake his head and back away. "No, don't touch me"
I was so confused. I thought he like hugs?
"I won't hurt you hyung, I promise that"
That's when he started to pant heavily and he was down on the floor.
"N-No, go away..please"
My eyes widen and I went to help him up but he protected himself with his hands as a shield.
"Jimin hyung I want to help you..."
He shake his head. "NO! GO AWAY!! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME!!! GO AWAY!!"
I stop my tracks. He was crying and covered his ears, whispering something.
"Jin hyung...jin hyung please come here....I need you..." He whisper. My tears fell and I drop down to my knees.
I slowly wrapped my arms around and he flinch a little.
I cried on his shoulder. "I'm sorry hyung...I'm so sorry"
He didn't say anything and when I look up, his eyes were closed.
He passed out. I carried him to his bedroom and put him down.
I covered him with the blanket and wipe his tears.
Fuck...
What have I done?
I did it again...
I broke him...
I sat on his bed and stared at him. He look so vurnerable right now....
I started crying again.
"Gosh hyung, I'm a terrible person, I hurt you and look what I did to you..."
I hold his hand, caressing it slowly.
"I broke you once again...." I felt my eyes getting droopy and I rest my head on his chest.
"I love you hyung... I'm sorry I didn't..." I close my eyes
"Realize it sooner..."
And went to sleep.
Note:
So much angst huhuhu.
Part 3 is coming.
And idek if it's gonna be fluff..
Bye bye