"You need to stop coming around here." I sighed as we stood behind the building. Justin had his hood covering his face as he looked at me.
"Why? You're my sister." He smiled.
"You've really fucked this up Justin. I'm sorry but you need to go to Hank if you need something now because right now I've got my children and my husband coming back in a few days and I'm trying to sort stuff out. Like work. Another thing is I've got a job Justin." I sighed.
"Fine. Forget it then Erin but if I end up dead for real this time it's on you."
"Blame me all you want. I don't care at this point. Just leave me alone." I shrugged. He just stared at me before looking down and walking off. He just walked off into the distance, I leant back against the wall and just closed my eyes. There was a breeze coming towards me as well as the hot sun pounding down on me. I had a long sleeved black jacket and my hair just scraped back. I had been feeling quite low since Justin come back. I let him stay in Florence's room for 2 days then I decided there was nothing else I felt I could do so I told him to sort himself out and find somewhere else to go. He did listen to me, he disrespected me but at least he listened.
I got myself composed and back into work. I sat in my office and Upton knocked on the door and come in with a smile and a cup of coffee.
"Oh you are the best." I laughed taking the coffee.
"Oh I know sweetheart." She laughed sitting on the sofa opposite me.
"How are you holding up then?"
"Yeah alright I think. You know work is tough." She smiled.
"Yeah I know. It's tough, it's hard and it's tiring." I nodded taking a sip of coffee.
"What about you? How are you holding up?"
"I'm okay. I'm just tired mainly. But no I've got a lot to. Especially considering I'm sitting in for Hank. I like being in this office but I don't like the work that comes with it."
"Yeah understandable. Where's Hank?" She laughed so unaware of everything.
"Family problems. We've got a lot going on at the moment so everyone's just getting stressed." I sighed putting my head in my hands to hide the fact I'm beginning to cry.
"Woah Erin. Talk to me sweetheart?" She smiled jumping up and hugging me.
"I can't pretend anymore. Justin's alive, Hank's lying to me. I'm scared that I'm failing Jay and the kids. I'm tired of being lied to and lying to protect myself. I'm sick of pretending I've got a perfect family and life when really we're barely holding it together. We are hardly being a family anymore. How can a family work when the parents just argue all the time, the kids are confused and trying to have decent lives. I mean Jay is fighting his own demons and he won't talk to me and so am I. I'm trying to do my own stuff. I haven't told him that I might not even be here next year. I think I need a fresh start completely. I wanted a perfect family Hayley and I can't even have that." I sighed through outbursts of tears and heart ache.
"Oh Erin. No-one expects you to be perfect. No one says you need a perfect family. We know no body can be perfect. You don't need to worry. Instead you need to compose yourself and you need to care for yourself and your family. Jay's a big boy he can sort himself out. You need to tell him this is how you feel. You also need to speak with him about pretty much everything you are feeling." She smiled.
"It's harder than that because I don't know how to do anything and I can't risk wasting time. If I don't do it now I don't know when I'm going to be able to do it. I might not be alive for much longer Upton. I don't know how much time I've got. I am sick I know I'm sick. The hospital keep trying to be careful how they word things but I know I've got what Hank had. I know I'm going through the same thing. I love working with you lot. When I got to join 21st District I thought my life was sorted but this job it's painful and it causes a lot of hurt and I don't think I can do that anymore. If I'm as ill as I think I am there is no way I can do this." I sighed.
"You've got cancer?"
"I'm being tested for it I think. The hospital don't tell me much and when they do they word it in ways they don't think I will understand even though I do. So I'm going to take some time to myself I think and I'm going to see what treatment I can get and how it all goes. I'm also going to speak to Jay when they all get back from London because he deserves to know and I want him there with me at the hospital for my appointment when I find out the results. Also I have another problem Hayley." I smiled gently trying not to laugh actually. It wasn't a funny laugh it was more of a if I don't laugh I'll cry."
"Oh no. How serious it is? What is it about? Can I help?"
"I think I might be pregnant again."
"You've got to be kidding me? Bad timing there Erin."
"I can't help it. Also I might not be. I might just be feeling poorly because of the treatment but honestly right now I don't know what's going on so I'm going to just go with it and wait for the hospital results so I don't make my brain frazzled other wise I'll just get more and more confused." I smiled.
"Oh sweetheart. I'm coming to your house tonight. We are going to drink some healthy echo falls, order a Chinese and have a girls night." She smiled kissing my drink.
"Oh I will need it. I'm looking forward to it now." I smiled.
"Good. Right your on patrol now so I'll catch up with you in a bit."
"Yeah okay. Thank you sweetheart." I smiled. I swapped my black jacket out for my leather jacket. I had my leather jacket and my boots on. I took my phone and my radio and I went out to my new car. We had another range rover, we got new ones every year and this one was by far my favourite. Matte black car with white and cream interior.
I was just driving along the roads when my radio began going off.
"DI Lindsay. 2205."
"Hello, it's control, I know you're on patrols but are you free?"
"Yep what's up?"
"Is there a chance you can go to a disturbance call on 9015 south west street? We've had reports of a couple having a heated argument and it's sounding quite serious."
"Yeah I'll go now. Thank you."
"Over."
I rolled my window down and put my sunglasses on as I pressed the sirens and the lights and sped up slightly. I hated these types of calls when on patrols. Especially disturbance calls because it normally meant either drunk or aggressive people arguing, shouting and some physical slapping or punching happening and it was so stupid. Like most of the calls by the time I got there were pretty much sorted already. But from control this one sounded serious.
"Control? It's 2205 can I ask a question?"
"Go on. Control."
"Any weapons on scene? Do I need taser? Or shall I take baton just as a precaution?"
"Honestly up to you. I'm not sure about weapons there. Apparently the female party is in a bad way though."
"Okay thank you. Over." I pulled up with my lights still flashing. Turned sirens off and approached the door. "Hello police." I called knocking on the door. It just opened and the house was quiet.
"Help me. In here." A quiet female voice came from the kitchen.
"Police." I smiled going in there. She had her back to me and was sat against a kitchen counter on the floor.
"Hello.." She smiled. I knelt next to her and saw the kitchen knife sticking out her heavily pregnant abdomen.
"Oh darlin. We're in a situation here aren't we. Is your partner still here?"
"No he isn't. He left straight away. Can you stay with me?" She smiled as her bloodied hand held mine.
"I'm going to stay I promise." I sat down next to her and held a tea towel against the wound. Trying to avoid the actual knife at all costs. I radioed for a ambulance but apparently it would be a while.
"What's your name?" She smiled.
"Erin. Yours?"
"Sarah." She just looked at me and squeezed my hand tighter with the pain.
"Okay Sarah. I want you to stay calm, squeeze my hand when your in pain. Keep talking if you can." I nodded.
"Okay. I will do. I'm 8 months pregnant today. I thought it was all going well but now look at me." She began to cry.
"No come on Sarah. Don't cry. If you keep crying you're going to cause more pain. I want you to just calm down. Don't talk just keep squeezing my hand to show me your awake and okay." I smiled again. She leant against my chest and tried to stop crying. I felt her pulse and it was very weak. She was hardly breathing. "How long will this ambulance be? 2205." I radioed.
"15?"
"I can't wait 15."
"Sorry 2205. That's the earliest."
"Fuck." I exclaimed as I held her in my arms. She kept crying gently against me.
"You know it's a little girl and I'm going to call her Erin now. Hopefully she'll be just as amazing as you." She smiled shutting her eyes.
"Come on Sarah. Stay with me." I choked up and then she became unresponsive. I felt her pulse and she was gone. The sirens of the ambulance were getting closer. "Loss of life before arrival of ambulance." I radioed. I shut my eyes and pressed a kiss on her forehead gently. She was brave. She was strong but there was no escaping it.
**
"Hey Upton where's Erin? I've tried ringing her." I sighed.
"Last I heard she was dealing with a hard call and she's at the hospital."
"Oh right okay is she okay?"
"I mean physically yes. Not emotionally. She lost a victim earlier but she was heavily pregnant so I think she's just waiting to hear about the baby."
"Oh okay.." I smiled before hanging up. The kids were playing in the park and I was watching them but I missed Erin. To know I was so far away from her. Like if she needed me I'm all the way in London was hard for us both. I think she really needed us and she needed the kids.
**
"Detective Lindsay? The baby girl of your victim survived. What shall we do?"
"Can I see her?" I wiped a tear away.
"Of course. Right through there." He held the door open for me and I went in there to see this beautiful little girl laying there crying and screaming. She'd just lost her mum and there's no way she'd see her Dad ever again. Like she was going to be in care. I picked her up and gave her a little cuddle while she cried.
"Oh darlin. Mummy loves you. She wanted to see you darlin but she never got chance." I smiled bouncing her up and down gently on my arm in front of the window. She was so small and I could think about when I looked down at this beautiful girl was the blood on my hands because I didn't do anything quick enough. Sarah was dead because I didn't do anything.
"Detective Lindsay? Hello my name is Zara, I'm from social series." She smiled.
"Oh hello. Call me Erin." I smiled putting baby back down in the incubator now she stopped crying.
"So you were the Detective on the scene?"
"I was. The only police party there. I came straight here as well." I smiled.
"Okay that's wonderful because mum passed away and Dad has been taken into custody waiting for arrest we have to put baby in to care. Did Sarah say anything before she passed?"
"Not really. Just that she was having a baby girl. Does she have to go into care?"
"Well there is no one to look after her."
"Would I be able to take her? I'm married with 2 children. I'll go through the correct checks and everything. I want to help."
"I mean I can ask. I'll speak to my boss? She is quite poorly so she'll be in here for a few days possibly weeks before she can go home but it would mean there's time for us to sort out paperwork if you want her?"
"Yes please? That would be amazing. All I want is to help and I'd love to have her here with me." I smiled.
"I'll be in contact Erin." She smiled as she left the room. I sat down next to the incubator.
"Look's like you'll have a loving family after all. I love you." I smiled holding baby's hand.