My not speaking to Ender continued for awhile.
By Wednesday of the next week, things had reached a point where I didn't want to be in the same room as him.
After Ashton had picked them up from school I was siting on the bed with Brooklyn when Ashton came in, his face serious.
"Okay, we need to talk." He said as he sat in front of me on the bed.
"What is it?" I picked Brooklyn up and cradled him.
"You and Ender need to sort this out. I don't care if you fight, yell, or scream at each other, but I can't stand seeing you two like this." He said.
"But I-"
"No. I know what he said hurt you, to be honest it hurt me too, but he's your brother. Is this really how you want your relationship with him to be? You're siblings. You love each other. Fix it."
He left me no room to argue with him.
I knew he was right, but I just didn't want to return to the conflict because I knew it was going to hurt.
"Now give me Brooklyn, and go talk to him." Ashton held out his hands and I passed him our son, sighing as I got out of the bed to go find Ender.
It wasn't that hard, the house only had so many rooms, and he was in his, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.
"Oh, did you come to take away my bed too?" He said sarcastically when I opened the door and I had half the mind to walk out and slam it shut behind me but I didn't.
"We need to talk about what happened." I sat on his bed.
He sat up so he could look at me and I took a deep breath before speaking.
"Ender, I don't understand how you could've said what you said to me."
"I don't know..."
"Do you really think that?"
He shrugged.
"Ender...the thought of you not being in my life is one of the worst things I could possibly think about. Do you know what I thought the first night mom and dad died? I thought thank god you weren't in that car, because I would've lost you too...and I don't think I could've made it without you."
He didn't say anything.
"I can't keep fighting with you Ender. I'm so sick of us screaming at each other and then making up only to scream at each other a few months later."
"We're siblings, that's what we're supposed to."
"Not like this." I shook my head.
"I'm just tired of you and Ashton trying to replace mom and dad." Ender finally said. "I know I call you mom and dad but you're still my sister."
"I'm not mom. I know that, and I'm not trying to be her because I know I can't ever be her...but like it or not you're still a child and you need someone to take care of you. Ashton and I are responsible for you and we are just trying to do the best we can."
"And the best you can means grounding me?" He mumbled.
"When you lie to us then yes. There's only so much we can do, you have to meet us halfway. You don't want to be grounded, then don't lie to us. You don't want us to yell at you, then don't give us a reason. I may not be mom, but she's gone Ender...and I can't fix that, but I can do my best to be a mother figure for you."
He didn't respond.
"With Gracie...Ashton and I are all she has left. That's why she calls us mom and dad. With you...I'm your sister and it's different but it's also the same...like it or not, it's just us. We're orphans Ender, and we can't change that."
He sighed and turned his head to the side and I could see his eyes glistening with tears just like mine were.
"I'm a mom now Ender...and having Brooklyn changed my entire world. I want to be the best mom for him, the best mom for Gracie, and the best sister and mom for you."
"I know that, and what I said was wrong. I didn't want to die with mom and dad...I'm glad you were the one to take care of me if mom and dad couldn't."
"Thank you." I sniffled and somehow he ended up in arms.
"Do you still love me?" He asked.
"Ender you're my brother...I'm always going to love you." I hugged him to me.
His body shook as he cried in my arms and I held him to me.
"I love you so much End." I spoke into his hair. "Do you understand that i've raised you longer than mom and dad ever did? I've been here longer for you than your real parents ever got to be, and that breaks my heart...we may fight and scream and say we hate each other all we want...but we are family, and I'm always going to love you."
He turned around and wrapped his arms around my frame so he could hug me properly.
"I know I'm not easy and I'm sorry for making you cry and be mad at me...but you're the best big sister and mom anyone could ever have. Gracie is lucky to have you taking care of her, and Brooklyn has the best parents in the world with you and Ashton."
We stayed there for a long time, both of us drying our tears.
I heard the door creak open behind us and turned to see Ashton looking in.
"You've been in here for a long time. I just wanted to check on you both." He said.
"Sorry." I sniffled. "We just finished talking."
"Can I come in?" He asked and we both nodded our heads.
Ashton walked over to the bed and sat down next to us.
"So are you two okay now?" Ashton asked us.
"Yeah. We're okay." Ender smiled softly at him.
"Good." Ashton placed a hand on his shoulder. "We love you Ender, we really do. Ya know, when I first told your sister I loved her, one of the things I told her was that I wanted to be the best father figure for you and Gracie...and I know I can't replace your dad, but you're like a son to me Ender, just like Brooklyn. I love you End."
I leaned my head onto Ashton's shoulder, tears still in my eyes.
"I love you too, Dad." Ender said and I reached up to dab a few tears away.
"And I love you both." I said and I felt Ashton press a light kiss to my hair.
"Okay, so can we go downstairs and watch a movie and be a family again?" Ashton asked and Ender and I both let out a laugh.
"That sounds perfect." I answered.
Ashton ordered in pizza over the phone and we picked out a few movies to watch, the lot of us curling up in mine and Ashton's bed to watch the movies on our bedroom television.
Brooklyn fell asleep in my arms and Ashton took a picture of it, me cuddling my little boy.
That night after we had gotten all of the kids in bed, Ashton and I curled up beneath our sheets.
"I'm glad you and Ender made up, it kills me to see you two like that."
"I know. I'm sorry you had to see us fight like that."
"As long as you two are okay again, that's all I care about." He squeezed my waist. "Goodnight, love."
"Night." I snuggled into his chest.
I was just right on the verdge of unconsciousness when I heard his voice.
"Car?"
"Yeah?" I mumbled.
"I want to have another baby."
"I know. We agreed on three kids."
"No, I mean like now."
Suddenly I was wide awake. My eyes shot open and I lifted my head off his chest so I could look at him.
"What?"
"I want to have another baby with you." He said like it was so simple.
"Ashton...we only had Brooklyn four weeks ago...and you want another baby?" I asked him. "Are you being serious?"
"I'm being dead serious Carter. I want to have another baby with you, as soon as we can."
I sat up in the bed, running a hand through my hair to push it back.
"Um, I don't know what to say to that." I managed to say.
"Do you not want to?" He asked. His voice sounded so small.
"It's not that it's just...I don't know Ash...we just had Brooklyn...JUST had him."
"I know that, and Brooklyn is my world. I wake up every morning smiling because I'm a father to such an amazing son. And I want to do that again."
"Ash..."
"If it's possible, I fell in love with you even more when we had Brooklyn, and if it's still possible, I want to have another baby and fall in love with you even more than I already am. I want to spend my entire life falling more and more in love with you."
I didn't know how to respond.
"I sound like a love sick puppy right now Carter but it's true. Being in love with you...it's my oxygen. It's what keeps me breathing. You and this family, our family, have become my entire universe, my world, my everything."
"I don't understand how you can possibly love me so much." I shook my head.
"Because, I do. You really are my everything Carter."
"Okay." I said softly.
"Okay?" He asked.
"Okay, let's have another baby."
"Really?" He asked.
"Really." I smiled.
"Car..." He smiled up at me so radiantly, and brought his hands to my face, craning his neck up so he could kiss me.
"I love you so much." I said between his feverish kisses.
"I love you more than you can even imagine Carter...so much more." He whispered back.
He moved us so that his body was hovered above mine as my back sank into the mattress.
He brought a hand up to my face, his thumb swiping across my cheek as he deepened our kiss, my breath becoming short.
My fingers went to his hair, as his hand began to travel down my body, bunching up the fabric of my tee shirt as he slid his hand beneath it, grazing the skin of my abdomen.
When we broke for air he slid off his shirt before dropping down to press open mouthed kisses on my stomach and all the way up to my bra.
I sat up as he took off my shirt, my bra following soon after, and he began his assault on my body using his lips.
A soft moan escaped me and soon my shorts and underwear were being slid down my legs, Ashton's clothing disappearing as well.
He trailed his lips all the down to my naval and then used his hands to part my legs, dipping his head between my thighs to work magic on my body.
I began to shake as I felt a wave of pure pleasure hit me, one of my hands tangled in his hair while the other gripped the sheets.
As he brought his head back up, I pushed his shoulders so that I could be over him. I kissed his lips once before I went to return the favour.
"Oh my God, you're incredible." I heard him moan as I pleased him.
When he was worked up and shaking I sat up, him immediately flipping us back over so he could top.
I let out a gasp as he entered me, not knowing what to expect feeling wise after having a baby, but it was fine, more than fine.
Ashton studied my face as he continued to go deeper and deeper until I was clinging onto him.
"Ash." I cried out softly as he picked up the pace of his hips, the only sound in the room being that of our bodies moving together.
"You're so beautiful." He whispered in my ear and I dropped my head back, feeling his lips suddenly on my neck.
At this I lost control of whatever boundary I had and let myself give into all of him.
Another whimper escaped my lips as I felt the fire begin to burn inside me, preparing to erupt into flames.
Ashton's name tumbled from my mouth over and over as the fire became hotter and stronger, suddenly overtaking me and sending me into an universe like only Ashton could.
I gasped as I felt him hit his high as well, slamming my lips to his to capture the loud moan of pleasure that escaped them.
"Beautiful girl." I heard him say to me but I was too much in bliss, my mouth hunting for his again.
I finally found it, kissing the man I loved until my body couldn't be awake for one more second and we fell asleep basking in the glow of our love and in each other's arms.
--
Carter and Ender made up!
What do you think about Ashton's suggestion of having more kids right away? And do you think Carter saying yes was honest or was she just caught in the moment?
More to come!
Much love xx-m