Gavin and I spent the rest of our holiday break relaxing at home. He had been invited over to Meg's house today. I stayed home, knowing she would try and pull some shit on me again. When in fact, staying home alone, thinking she could be pressing herself against my husband right now, was the thing doing me in. So I ended up in the bathroom again with that small blade pressed to my wrist. I didn't even keep count of how many times I did it. I just kept bringing up more and more reasons why I should be doing it. I ended up with my arms full of red lines oozing out red liquid. Shit. How am I gonna cover this up? I sighed and patted down my arms with toilet paper. There was so much blood. So much blood. I waited for the bleeding to calm down some before pulling my sleeves down and tossing the bloody sheets into the trash. I heard the front door creak open and I froze. I looked down at my arms and was grateful I wore a black long-sleeved shirt today. I heard him call my name so I stepped out of the bathroom and plastered on a smile. He looked exactly the same as he did when he left. I hugged him. He didn't even smell like her.
"Burnie and Ashley were there too. Meg made us all dinner. Did you eat while I was gone?" Gavin smiled when he pulled away. "Yeah. I ate some leftovers," I lied. "Good. Want to rent a movie?" Gavin kicked off his shoes and put his jacket on the rack. I nodded and sat down on the couch, "You can pick it out." "I'm just gonna grab a shower first, alright?" He planted a kiss on the top of my head. I let out an 'mhm' and cozied into the couch. Gavin walked into the bedroom. I heard the water turn on and I stiffened up. I waited for Gavin to get out of the shower. Once I heard the water turn off, I sat up more and crossed my legs on the seat. "Oi! Michael, is this blood on the floor?" Gavin called out. I froze, "Uh... I don't know?" Gavin stepped into view. He was wearing just a towel around his waist, his hair soaking wet, "Michael..." "What? Do you need help drying off of something?" I looked at him. Gavin just sighed and moved out of sight again. I fidgeted my thumbs and waited for him to return. I felt like a child about to get scolded for getting a bad grade at school.
Gavin came back out fully clothed with his hair almost dry. I sank into the couch again and scooted to the edge and he walked into the living room. Gavin sat down directly next to me. He took my hands in his, "If I pull up your sleeves, am I going to see anything I don't want to?" I shrugged, "Depends on if you like my tattoos or not." Gavin looked at me and sighed. I looked down at our hands. "If I pull up your sleeves, am I going to see anything I don't want to?" He repeated. I didn't answer him. He knew the answer then and let go of my hands. I let him grab ahold of my sleeves and drag them up my arms. I listened to him gasp and watched his own hands cover his mouth. I immediately pulled down my sleeves and pushed myself further into the armrest. I pulled my legs close to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I rested my head on my knees and started to cry. Gavin seemed to freak out a bit like he usually did when I started crying out of nowhere.
"Am I not good enough?" I choked out, not even looking at Gavin. "You're even better than I've ever imagined," he blurted out. I looked up at him now, "Then why are you going back to her?" Gavin looked taken back by my question, "Micoo.. I just- She just invited me for dinner okay. Burnie was there and so was Ashley. Nothing happened okay? I wouldn't do that to you." I rubbed my eyes, "You... you don't know what she said to me when we were at her house together. You don't know the fucking things she put me through before, Gavin." He gulped, "I know I don't and I know I never will, but... but just trust me. I'll block her number right now. You can watch." Gavin took out his phone and held it out so I could watch him, but he pulled up text messages before contacts. I watched him type out a message before sending it. The text read: 'How dare you use me to hurt my Michael. He means the world to me and if you think that demeaning him in any way is right, then you can piss off. You're down right disrespectful and I almost lost him because of you before and I'm not about to let that happen again. I thought you changed, Meg Turney. I guess you're still a stuck up prick. Don't ever contact me or my husband again.' Then he blocked her number.
"Michael Vincent Jones. We met on Valentines Day years ago and if that wasn't a sign that we would be in love then I don't know what was. You're smart, talented, strong, handy, sweet, and protective. You're lips are so soft and kind. You hair is messy like your mind. Your freckles are adorable. I love your kind eyes and your silly rage quits. I love your hands because they're big enough to hold my perfectly yet so rough and torn up. I love your flushed cheeks. And your legs and your chest. I love the little scars on your stomach from the paintballs during Extra Life," Gavin pulled me into him, "Not to mention how you actually put up with me and let me take care of you. And how you asked me to marry you then stood in a suit for an hour as we did so. And how you protected me when the plane crashed and took care of everyone. And how you are going to be an amazing father when Lindsay has that baby. I can't believe you were dumb enough, though, to believe I would ever hate you or want a divorce."