Since It's Luke's Birthday, I Wanted to Dedicate This Chapter to Him.
After I got home from school, I was planning on taking Vicky for a walk but my mother took her, so instead I took a nice warm shower and lay down on my bed, waiting for Zayn or anyone to call me. I feel the sudden urge to close my eyes and rest. And so I did.
*Flashback to 5 months ago*
"Luke? Where are you taking me!? Can I please take off this ridiculous bandana Ashton wears?!" still no response and I'm walking on pure faith that Luke won't let me crash into anything, since he blindfolded me and kidnapped me from my house. "Luke!" he chuckles "Emma, just trust me." I laugh and sneer "Yeah okay. I'll do that cause the last time I decided to trust you, I almost got arrested." He laughs "Emma, how was I suppose to know that climbing over a fence is called breaking an entry." I sneer again "Ummm.... EVERYONE!!" he just chuckles and guides me.
Then he lets go of my hand, proclaiming "There, isn't it amazing!?" I frown a bit, faking a giggle "Yeah wonderful, except for one thing." He questions "What?" I smack my lips together "that.... I can't see a damn thing!" he laughs, bringing my head towards him and untying the bandana. Once sunlight I hit my eyes, my vision went blurry for five seconds until I saw the most beautiful view.
Tall green grass that rolls over the hills, flowers blooming, making everything so colorful. An abandon windmill about one mile from here. And the sun was hidden, hiding behind grey gloomy clouds. I turn to Luke, smiling "It's beautiful!" he smirks "I'd knew you'd like it." We sit on top of the hill, watching the grass move to the rhythm of the wind. I ask "How do you know so many places like these? I mean you've practically taken me everywhere." He grins "I'm adventurous, I like seeing new things and well I search the web for things." I lay my head on his lap "I'm glad you bring me along, it's kind of like our thing." He chuckles "Yeah, our thing."
We stayed quiet for a long time, just admiring the view but I've wanted to ask Luke about why his parents got divorced. I look up at him, looking at his perfect jaw line and his cute pointy nose "you know how we always come out and talk about each other's lives but it's mostly about me?" he looks down to me, chuckling "And you wonder why Michael thinks you're self absorbed." I roll me eyes, sitting up and face him "I want to know more about you." He grins "What's to know about me? I'm an open book." I roll my eyes "why did your parents get a divorce?" he coughs, sits up straight, leans into his knees "Sensitive topic." I put my left arm around his neck while my right hand holds his arm "Trust me, I won't judge, just like you didn't judge me." he looks at me, laughing "Speak for yourself." I scoff, hitting his arm and laugh "Jerk! I told you that in conf..." he cuts me off "I'm joking, it's just something that hurts me to talk about."
I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. He sighs too "Fine, but don't make fun of me." I look up to him "I promise." He lies back, resting his weight on his elbows, looking straight over the hills "well it all started when I turned 11. My dad got diagnosed with Cancer." I close my eyes, wanting to hug him but I knew I had to let him speak his heart out first. He continues "Well, the doctor told him he had two years to live. Look at him now, breathing fine as ever. Anyways my dad took this matter deep into his heart. He meditated on it for days, and he decided to get a divorce from my mom. He claimed that he needed to be alone, that he didn't want to be the one to bring negative vibes to the family, that we couldn't be stuck, watching him die slowly, that he didn't want his son's to be victimized by death." I nod "Jack and Ben?" he nods and continues "yeah, remember they came to visit last month, anyways, them. Well my dad filed the divorce papers and my mom signed them because she wanted to make his last years happy. Of course it was very hard on all of us, but that's what my dad wanted. As soon it was official my dad packed his stuff and traveled around the world. I think he wanted freedom. And it's sad, I mean you don't just divorce the love of your life and abandon your own kids if you really truly love them. You know the last time I received a letter from him; he was in Brazil, three months ago. He just "loves" his new life, he's forgotten all about us, all about me. You know that when I first met Ashton, I noticed he would wear a ton of bracelets. Then one day I saw him cutting his wrist, he actually slit his wrist because he felt that the pain he felt would make his suffering disappear. So I tried it once, I wanted my heart to stop hurting every time I remember he left. I wanted my pain to disappear and I thought the pain would if I cut myself. But it didn't, I still felt hopeless. I felt lost and unwanted. My mom started dating Matthew and she spent more time with him, my brothers were all grown up, doing their own thing and I was alone. I was left to fend for myself so instead I shut off my emotions; I completely blocked all my memory of everything. I went outside and started playing soccer on my own. It's the only thing I did for months. And no one ever noticed my depression, no one ever gave me a second look and that hurt me Emma. All I ever wanted was to be seen and loved. And when my mom decided to move to England with her fiancé Matthew, my brothers stayed in Australia. They left me alone. First my father and now them. Emma, how can you abandon your family like that, and it just proved to me that I wasn't anyone's priority. I lost any male role model in my life Emma."
It was really hard for me to take in his pain like that, for him to completely trust me and break down in tears and spit out words of suffering that it even pained him to think about. My heart churned at the sight of his pain, my eyes watered when his expression showed his pain and all I wanted to do was protect him from harm. I wanted to shield him from pain; I wanted him to be okay again. I sigh, gripping his thigh "And now look, you gained idiot friends that adore you, that would do anything for you. You gained fantastic talent for soccer; you are amazing at what you do. You gained a step father and a step brother, that love you like you were their own. I mean look at Matthew, he is constantly telling you how proud he is of you, that he loves you and other amazing compliments. And Ashton! That idiot would die for you, he would save your life for his, and he would do the impossible for you Luke. And you have me! I will always be there for you, I would be there in the darkest of days, I would hold your hand and guide you, I would offer my shoulder to cry on, I would and would and would for you." He looks at me smiling "and I thank God for it every day."
Suddenly the clouds get blacker by the minute and the next, it starts pouring, thunder rolling and we got soaking wet, running back into town and running all the way to Luke's house. He would hold my hand tight, drag me along with him. I of course would be flying with him; his steps were too large for me.
Once we got into his room, he closed the door and everything was dark. There was some light, I was able to see his features but it wasn't shining. I throw myself on his bed, resting my wet head on his pillow. He then did the same, facing me. We looked at each other eyes; I stare into his beautiful dark blue eyes that shimmer with love. Never would I think his eyes held so much pain. Suddenly he starts tickling me, grabbing me firmly by the waist and tickling me. I yell, laughing. "Luke! Luke please stop! Lu...Stop!" he smirks "Sorry, it's just that hearing you laugh is one of the things I love to hear." Then out of the blues, Liz storms in the room. Luke lets go and I push myself off, falling down on the floor. She yells, scolding him "Luke ...." Suddenly an alarm buzzes through but Luke and Liz don't mind it. It keeps beeping and Liz leaves the room, and Luke hovers over the bed, looking down at me and mouths something. I can't hear him over the buzzing but I think he said to wake up. Wake up? Why would?
I jolt awake from my sleep, sitting up and looking over at my phone. Zayn was calling me. I close my eyes; rest my arms on my thighs. I lean in and rest my head on my hands and slowly wipe the sleepiness from my face and quickly think about my dream.
I remember that day. It was so beautiful and heart breaking. But it didn't happen like that in real life. What did happen was after Luke confessed, we walked back into town, took the bus and go back to our lives. He dropped me off at my house, and then few minutes later, Zayn came to pick me up and have a movie night out. It never rained, he didn't hold my hand tight, we didn't gaze into each other's eyes and Liz never came into the room. I didn't feel oddly attracted to Luke while he was tickling me because it never happened. And yet it felt so real, but why would I dream that?
Anyways I did and I was reminded again of a horrible friend I was. I betrayed him; I broke my promise to him. He left to Australia on bad terms with me. The person that he told all those things abandon him like everyone else did. The only thing I could do now was hope for his well being and wishes him the best for his life.