"Hazel." I knew there was a reason for Micha to be hanging around after Grace had left my house. The door was still open, so I threw a half coy smile at my girlfriend as she made her way to the car before closing my front door slowly.
"Yes?" I folded my arms, frowning.
"I'm taking you out on Saturday. Noon. Be ready. I'll pick you up and you'll be back before three." She stated plainly like it was normal for her to make such random demands.
"Excuse me?" I narrowed my eyes. Was she flirting with me?
"Jesus, Hazel, it's not a date. You're not that spectacular." She rolled her eyes. "I just want to clear some things up with you over coffee like civil people. I have to take Grace home, so I figure we settle things on our own terms. Bye." She waved boredly before making her way out of the house.
As I walked back to the living room, I noticed my phone had lit up with a new message alert.
Grace: Is Micha being mean to you? I told her not to be so if she is tell me and I'll deal with it.
I smiled despite my recent dilemma with Micha.
Me: No. She just wanted to talk.
I shut my phone off when I heard two voices babbling away by the garage door.
. . .
I look stupid.
That was my only thought.
I looked out of proportion, incomplete, and bare. I looked vulnerable and weak.
One of the defining characteristics of my kind is our wings. They and our mentality are what make us so perfect for the job we do. Without them, we are simply incompetent and flightless. Our strategic prowess is far less useful when we are grounded, since we think three dimensionally and not from a perspective confined by gravity; so here I am with this sense that there is everything I can't do.
Had I my wings intact, I would not feel like the large size of the room made it feel uselessly empty. I would stretch them out and feel the ceiling pour water down on my feathers, making me aware of each individual shaft. I would spend hours meditatively combing them out to perfection. Instead I am spending the time staring at my drenched, naked self in a full length mirror in the shared bathroom, thinking about how ridiculous I look without my wings.
I could still move the muscles that had once been attached to the limb of my wing, but I didn't because it strained the stitches on my back and hurt like hell.
My hair was soaked through and plastered to my neck and back. I was considering cutting it. I probably should. My skin looked damn near ghastly and I wondered how the hell Grace found me, of all the humans and others in the normal world, to be worth all she has invested in me. And why she was so attractive to me. I knew for a fact that she was not the most perfect creature in terms of look, yet I couldn't care less because I felt that she was.
Which brings me back to my incompetence towards emotion. I definitely felt something for the brunette. Something of magnitude and lucidity. Something that made me feel like even the less than lovable person I presented was special and valued. Something that made me want to keep the human girl and give her everything she could ever want. And that was a dangerous sensation.
Where was I?
Grounded.
Where was I meant to be?
Getting ready for this coffee date with my girlfriend's friend's girlfriend. Micha, rather. Honestly, I didn't know if I had the right to call Grace my girlfriend right now. But I would like to have myself convinced that I'd be allowed to keep her indefinitely since I had won her over once. Theoretically, humans were morally and legally mates for life, no? And by animal law, she was my mate and I was hers. Ironic. Animal law. Realistically, in general humans are notoriously good at mating with as many other humanoids as they can. Which would mean I was just another mate of my soulmate and that I, and all that she claimed to feel for me and that I was meant to feel for her, were insubstantial in comparison to the myriad of other sexual and romantic partners the human was bound to have.
Humans are also good at making things complicated. Even insects work more efficiently and with less casualties, relatively.
In the past, I've known humans to be inferior. I still believe that they have a long way to go before evolution makes them as well suited as other mammals, longer because they find ways to reverse the natural systems of survival.
Then again, I do not think Grace is any more perfect or imperfect than I am. I sometimes think she is what I should aspire to embody. However, she is only human. And I am only myself.
Sighing, I wrap my lower body in a towel and shamelessly leave the bathroom naked from the waist up. The addition of covering my chest would require me to brush the rough fabric of the towel against my scars, which had been only recently recovering from the damage done during my last night with Grace.
Megan was boredly sitting on my bed playing with her phone when I arrived.
"Hey." She waved her hand at me.
"Hey. Could you-"
"Hair braided, bra on, shirt on. I know, Zel." She smirked knowingly, tossing her device to the side.
"I was also going to ask you if you can schedule a hair cut for me." She blinked at my statement. "I think I'd like to cut it short again."
"You haven't had it short since-"
"Since my wings were clipped. I know. I was there. The length is just bothering me."
"Was it something Grace said?" She frowned.
"No. Why?"
"Just curious. Did you mention it to her? Or are you just going to show up with short hair? She's only ever seen your hair long."
"Why would my hair length matter?"
"It's change, Zel. And maybe you should just warn her before you suddenly have short hair." I sighed and put my hands up in surrender.
"Fine. I'll talk to her. Whatever." I wrung out my hair as I made my way to my dressers and gathered clothing. Once I'd done my part in dressing, Megan helped me out on my bra and shirt (not that I couldn't, but it was a challenge and she was a natural giver), and I ended up texting Grace while she braided my hair.
Me: Hi
I didn't have to wait long. Once read, she paused for a moment and then began typing.
Grace: hey :) I'm assuming there's a reason you're texting me
Me: Megan wants me to get your approval. I'm considering getting my hair cut short and she thinks I should tell you about it first
Grace: what? Like how short? Like shoulder short or like pixie cut short?
Me: pixie probably I don't know if I'll actually get it but I am considering it and Megan wants your seal of approval
Grace: well yeah you can do whatever you want but rly?????? That short?! why?
Me: no reason
Grace: come on, Zel, I know you well enough to know that everything you do has a reason
"Done." Megan stated as she slid a hair elastic from her wrist around the end of my braid. "Kindly tell your girlfriend that you need to go put pants on." She put her head on my shoulder lightly, making me flinch for a moment. I sighed. I knew if the contact had made fire run through me, I'd have put my head back and relaxed.
Me: Have to go. See you Monday?
Grace: Yeah
A small frown spread on my lips.
Me: Are you okay?
Grace: Where you off to?
Me: Coffee. Micha. Jealous?
Grace: of course, Hazel. I'm scared you'll move on.
Me: I won't.
Grace: I want you to be mine for ever and ever and everrrrrrrrrr because I love you soooooo much ;**** <3
Grace: shit, I'm sorry. That was Marley stealing my phone
I suddenly felt very invaded. I hadn't meant to open up to Marley. I meant to present a softer version of myself to Grace and Grace alone.
Me: why is she with you?
Grace: calm down, babe, you ARE spending time with HER girlfriend too.
Grace: and my friend wanted to take us on another one of her crazy straight girl expeditions again
Me: which friend?
Grace: what will it take from me to convince you that none of my friends are sexually or romantically interested in me?
Grace: Tatiana. My STRAIGHT friend. Keyword being STRAIGHT. does not like women. Does not like me.
"Hazel, you really should be getting ready." Megan pressed again. I sighed and put my phone to the side, grabbing jeans from my drawer and slipping them on while Megan boredly looked for a fashionable shirt in my wardrobe. She eventually decided on a plain black turtleneck with no sleeves (similar to one that I'd worn during one of Grace's visits).
She helped tie my bra around my neck, pushing my braid over my shoulder, and gently slipped the cotton shirt on over it, carefully avoiding my scars.
"You look cute." She stated, kissing my cheek and laying on my bed.
"Thanks." I said without any thought. Megan always said something about how I looked in an outfit she would help put together.
"Come here and cuddle with me." She added with a sigh. "I'm cold and Riley had me up all night with a write-up." I shrugged halfheartedly and lay down with Megan, acting as her big spoon and wrapping myself around her warm, familiar body. She wasn't Grace, of course, but she was warm (and Grace was warm so I could almost imagine it was her waist I held, or her back I was leaning on, or her shoulder where my head rested lazily).
"Megan?"
"Yeah?" Megan's sleepy voice rumbled down her spine.
"Do you think I love Grace? Am I in love with her?" I questioned tentatively, almost afraid of the answer. The question itself was a fire.
"Hmm... Maybe." She hummed simply, melding into my body. "I think you will, even if you haven't yet."
"How do you know?"
"Because I've grown to love her as your significant other or whatever you want to call her. I've already made the wedding plans in my head, named your children, and designed your house." She said like it was obvious. I didn't question how she could fall in love with my Grace outside of romantically/sexually, or as a friend. How could she love her as mine? I also don't know why it didn't really make me that jealous. Maybe I knew something I didn't.
"That makes no sense, even for you. And if it did, why would your feelings for her affect whether or not I develop a connection to her?"
"I know you, Zel. I know the little stars in your eyes when you see her; when you think of her, they cover you. It is simply and utterly beautiful, Hazel."
**sorry it's so short. It was going to include the date with Micha but laziness sooooo..... Yeah gnight lovely humans