I could get used to it, waking up with someone else in my bed. Waking up exhausted and satisfied with the physical exertion of the night prior. It wasn't often my muscles ached, although I assumed that was because I'd never used the muscles which were vital last night before now.
Last night was definitely an experience. The one orgasm I felt was a pleasure I'd never imagined possible before. And Grace was a sight (as well as a multitude of other senses) that I thoroughly enjoyed. She was definitely something as well. She's lost consciousness before I was tired, but I admittedly expected no less. Once she'd blacked out I took it upon myself to blow out each of my candles and pull the blankets up over her because I knew she'd be cold. I'm not really sure why I did it, but I did.
I was also, in truth, awake hours before I felt Grace stir. Megan had gotten the both of us a day off for our birthday, so I, feeling unusually lazy, took the chance to explore the interesting human. Not like I hadn't before, but there is always something different about Grace each time I look to understand her. This time, it was how she kept whimpering whenever I'd move away from her (and I did so for the sole purpose of evoking the sound from her. It made my chest warm. It made me smile.) and when she realized I'd moved, she'd try and nuzzle her way around until she found me and wrapped her arms around my hips to pull me back. Clingy thing, she was. And I did rather enjoy the attention.
"Morning, baby..." The brunette murmured after my lounging around for god knows how long.
It was at that point I decided to play another small game with her, feigning a tired limb as I dragged my hand to her warm breast and squeezed it. I absolutely couldn't make sense of the draw I had to her naked body, especially, oddly, her breasts; they in particular were one of my favorite locations on her. Her back, and nape among the others.
"Morning." I showed her a small half smile. There was something about her waking up to me that held an allure. I wanted to be the first thing she had in the morning. I wanted to be it all for her. Of course, even after months of racking my brain I've yet to figure out why exactly the girl is of such value to me.
"Zel, stop it, I'm too sore for another round." Grace giggled, stretching her back slightly, making her tender chest press deeper into my palm, reminding me that I was present in a moment.
"I'm sure." I licked my lips, sitting up on my elbows, withdrawing my hand. "You passed out last night." I smirked at her. Something flickered in her eyes, something that set my stomach off in a way that I strangely didn't hate.
"Because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself!" She pouted, bringing her lips to mine. "I, unlike you, am only human. I get tired." She put a hand to my jaw and massaged the skin there, her deep brown eyes running over me. Her eyes are also something foreign to me. My kind always have solid colored, vivid eyes; green, blue, gray, even orange and purple on rare occasion, but brown is a very human color. Brown is the human default. Grace is by all means a basic human female. Yet, for some reason, there is a chemistry to us that I could not have predicted.
I was brought out of thought by the silence. Silence was not good. Grace did not like silence, she was not quiet unless alternatively motivated. From the looks of it this time, the motive was deep thought.
"Grace?" I shaped my expression into worry. She smiled at me for a second and then spoke.
"I love you, baby..." What?! She didn't seem to know she'd spoken. Love?! She can't be in love with me! I felt familiar symptoms of a temper flare building in me, the confusion especially. My stomach and chest were acting stranger than usual, my heart rate sped, throbbing in my throat.
"What?" I whispered. She wasn't supposed to make this messy with her feelings! She already had too much power over me, I refused to allow her to take more.
"Nothing- never mind." She tried to cover her blurt, but it was spoken.
"What did you say to me?" I narrowed my eyes. One thing, to cast yet another stupid chain onto me and hold me captive, but another to ignore what she said."Grace." I stood my ground, her eyes filled with fear and hurt. No! God, not again. My chest felt like it was collapsing, god why did she always do this to me?! She let out a shaky breath that made the ache in my ribs worsen.
"I'm in love with you, Hazel!" Grace broke and lashed out slightly, violently, her voice laced with an odd betrayal. Which confused me and thereby added more weight to my discontent.
"Stop." I let out, it escaped like steam from a kettle and it took off some of the heavy weight on my ribs, so I pursued. "I don't want you to be in love with me! Stop being in love with me!" Admittedly, I was at a loss. This was a first. And I absolutely despise firsts- no pun intended. I hated not being in control- I hated that Grace was doing these things to me, things I'd never experienced before now, things she claimed to have no control over. So she either was doing this all to me on purpose, or she was doing t to me without knowing it. Either way, that is a dangerous gamble.
"Well it's not like I can help it, Zel!" She snapped again, the hurt in her voice was somewhat surprising to me. I knew her to be unpredictable, but lately she'd been calm. Now... What had I done to push her? She must have expected my reaction to her confession, no? I'd never expressed attachment to her, have I? Told her I feel an emotional attachment? I assumed, again, this was because she had a tendency to blur the distinction between physical and emotional attraction. A kiss was never just a kiss to her. But I have her what she wanted. I gave her affections. I draw the line, however, at lies at this scale. Love, as Megan and her fanciful stories would have me believe, is an important affair to those like her and Grace. I'd had enough confusion.
"Get dressed." I sighed harshly, probably more so than I'd intended, but I'd always needs to be absolute with Grace. It is or it isn't. She thinks in gray areas, so I must push her one way or the other to get what I need done. I rolled my back to her, trying to collect my thoughts. I knew she wouldn't stoop so low as to physically harm me, especially with a clear shot at the wounds on my back. Besides, I'm sure if she did, I would easily overpower her.
I felt cold blast my naked body when Grace tossed the covers off her, sending a bubble of chilly air through me. She groaned and whined in pain as she clambered out of bed, which I forced myself to ignore. She tried to stand and immediately collapsed, cussing under her breath.
"H-" she began.
"Dressed. Now." I cut her off. I would not let her have this argument here or now. Not while she was naked and tired. I'd give her a moment.
She stared crawling around, and the prickle in my stomach told me that she was watching me. "Grace..." I urged, closing my eyes.
"I'm working on it, okay?!" Her voice faltered and I have to say, it gave me a pang through my chest. God, why did she have to do this?! It's not my fault I don't love her like she loves me. So why must she torture me over it?!
I began gathering my clothes the moment I heard the bathroom door thud shut.
Once I was ready, I bolted downstairs, anxious to be away from the source of my mental turbulence, but finding no relief in distance. If anything, it made my chest tighten and ache. Something made me want to go back. Back to sleep, back next to her, just forget this thing ever happened, but she needed the closure. If she been led on this far, I had to stop her from deluding herself farther.
"Hazel?" I heard the brunette's faint, strangled call from upstairs.
"Here." I stated, ruffling my hair. I could smell her on my skin. I could smell her in my hair, I could still almost taste her on my lips, remember the inexplicably divine sensation of her bare skin... If only she hadn't gotten feelings involved.
I heard her make her way slowly down the stairs, her bare feet clicking on the wood flooring and thumping softly against carpet. I didn't know how we'd get there, but I sure as hell knew that would be the last time I'd hear her walking on the carpeted parts of my house for a while. She would run and hide and regrow after I cut down what she'd made here. All because of feelings. Could it really be that important? I'm being left behind because I lack feelings for her?
"Hey..." She met my eyes. I did have room for pity... And confusion... And a whole lot of frustration. But... Nothing called out to me as an emotional attachment. Sure, my heart felt labored. And I felt sick with something between a heavy rock in my stomach, and a nauseating twist to my whole body. But those were physical.
"I don't know how to go about this..." I sighed. Goodbye, Grace... "But I will not lie to you. I do not love you. I do not have an emotional attachment to you. Had I known you were being led on by an assumption you were wrong in promoting, I would not have allowed anything that happened between us last night." I shook my head at the ground, unable to meet her eyes when all the light in her gaze turned to hatred and fear. I was sick of fear.
"I just thought-" Grace's voice shook. She was afraid of me too.
"You thought wrong, Grace. I don't want your love. I didn't want to complicate this with your feelings- feelings that I simply do not have for you!" I felt my fingers curl into fists, rising beside my head, breaking bricks of air on their decent. God, I needed to punch something. "Whatever you've done to me, I don't want it. I didn't ask for it. Stop it." I paused, breathing heavily. She had to get her messy emotions and gray area involved. She had to submit to me. She was doing all this, and I just kept finding more ways to blame her for the hellish, stabbing pain that took over my chest. "Stop it. Just stop it. Whatever you're doing to make me feel- just stop!" I was close to losing my last shred of sanity, but I desperately stuffed it all down and leveled my voice. She deserved at least a logical demeanor. I could still feel the rage under my skin so I started towards the stairs, ready to make an escape if I needed it. "I think it would be best if you leave." I stated before I bolted away and slammed my door, unable to contain myself any longer. All the confusion, all the painful sensations she was triggering... It was like Winter again. The same stabbing ache in my heart. The same desire to save what was already beyond my rescue... All of it... Except Grace would be alive tomorrow. And Megan would be home soon. And I didn't have more blood on my hands.
Needless to say, the pain of losing another one was awful... Truly, there were no words I could find for the pain. Maybe Grace's emotional pain was bad, but was it as bad as the physical illusion of my chest being torn in two, because I hurt more than that. A physical ache to call her back... That was bad, too... All of it...
I caught eye of the blue bag she'd given me. For some reason, I decided now was not the time. So, for a good half hour, I cleaned my bedding (I'm not as incompetent in domestic conduct as Megan projects me), showered, and sat on the floor in my bedroom, wondering why the hell I couldn't bring myself to look into that blue bag.
"Hazel. Sinclair. I'm. Going. To. Fucking. Murder. You." The front door slammed loudly. Crap.
"I'm not in the mood, Megan..." I sighed, my interest at an all time low.
"Bullshit. Get your ass down here now. Jamine sent me a very concerning message regarding your girlfriend who, by the way, was last seen crying her eyes out at her friend's house!" My older sister came storming into my room, still holding a sleeping bag, pillow, backpack, and... Why is she holding a tube of wrapping paper?
"Which friend?" I blurted. "Ow!" I snapped when she suddenly hit me in the head with the- oh. That's why she has wrapping paper...
"I know what happened last night with you two, so you had better have a damn good reason why she ran away from you as soon as Jamine got back!" She growled deeply. And then suddenly she dropped everything she was holding, had hands flew to cover her mouth. She mumbled something, her eyes glazing over. Oh no. Crying Megan was never good.
"What?" I rolled my eyes.
"She told you she was in love with you... Didn't she?" She repeated quietly. Oh god. There was about to be screaming. "Didn't she?" Megan pressed. I said nothing. She knew it was a confirmation. "Hazel... You god damned idiot..." She barely spoke in a whisper. Worse than screaming. I looked away. "She told you she was in love with you... And you broke the poor girl's heart..." A tear spilled over her face. Then another. She brought her hands away from her mouth, raking them through her hair, her lips pursed. "I have nothing to say to you." She backed out of my room, slowly collecting her things.
"Megan-" I started.
"No, Hazel. I'm going to go make sure your soulmate is being taken care of." And then I was alone again.
And a moment later my phone buzzed on my desk. I leapt over to it, high on the though that it could be Grace.
Micha : what did you do
Not her too!
Me: Really not your concern
Micha: Not my concern, she says. Hi-fucking-larious. My girlfriend just got an emergency call from Grace's ex, and I'm currently watching the former on that call, muttering death threats to you. And this may come as a shock, but I'd rather not have to ask Kayla to bail me, my girlfriend, and all her friends out of jail for beating you to a pulp. Fix it.
I threw my phone across the room and bolted to my basement, not pausing to look for Megan or Jamine. I hastily put on my punching gloves and spent the next forever repeatedly punching a bag until I was past sure if get multiple new blisters from my gloves.
**
Sorry for typeos... It's late here :p but hey I'm on a role and kinda liking this whole Hazel POV thing