Do you know what the worst best feeling ever is?
You don't.
How about the best worst?
Nope.
Because you don't know how it feels to be this close to Hazel.
It had taken me about ten minutes to talk her into moving, and when I finally did, it was so worth it. Now, she was cuddled up at my side and we were sitting on one of the couches in her living room with the TV turned off.
I think I explained before the feeling where I wasn't really in love with Hazel, but I was starting to wrap my head around how easy it would be to just fall for her. That's pretty much how I felt. I could feel her heart pulsing gently against my chest, her soft breath on my neck, her warm body sharing itself with mine. And I couldn't help but recognize that I was dangerously close to falling for her, if not already past the event horizon.
"What are you thinking about?" Hazel whispered, looking my way but with closed eyes. Her eyelashes, I noticed all too painfully, were spiked from dried tears. And there were still ghosts of the streams that ran over her face.
I almost forgot that she said anything at all- and then I remembered that she had been asking me something. And then it took a moment for me to process that I was meant to answer. It's funny how everything is in slow motion and faster than light with Hazel.
"Event horizons." I answered absently, my mind was in my fingers, itching to tangle themselves- to become lost in Hazel's ebony black hair.
"Why?" She breathed. She looked and sounded so fragile, so utterly bare, and it made my chest crumple and implode.
"Because the event horizon of a blackhole is the point at which nothing can escape the blackhole's gravity."
"I don't understand you, Grace." I felt warm air drift over my skin as she sighed. Oh god, I'm hopeless.
"Oh?" I bit my lip and cautiously allowed myself to lift some of the hair that'd fallen into a wall between us away from her face, and tucked it behind her ear. She tensed at first, I almost retracted my touch out of guilt, but it seemed that she relaxed a little after the initial startle I'd given her.
"You're vague in your reasoning." She considered, her eyes still closed but not tightly shut. "You give me your conclusions without your evidence. You're thinking of event horizons but you would not usually think of just an event horizon given the situation. I am lacking the connection between this, the physical reality, and what you see." She finally opened her eyes. I was dazed again without warning. It must be part of her superhuman identity- how her eyes obliterated any shred of sense in my mind in the same way they stole all the air from my lungs.
I knew I was past my event horizon.
I knew I was being torn apart by the force of all of it.
I knew I was passing another event horizon the moment I started waiting for her eyes to open. Going, going, and gone.
I couldn't help it. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see it happening.
I kissed her.
And this time, the burden was on me. I kissed Hazel. Hazel merely let me.
It wasn't much on the surface, nothing more than usual, anyway. The usual burning and exploding and blazing of lightning bugs and stars in my mind, the jolt of the lightning she spawned in my blood. The usual invisible scorch marks she pressed into my skin where she touched, however light it may be. The only obvious difference in this kiss, from the outside, was that it was far shorter and gentler than the forceful, sudden, or impatient kisses we'd shared. This time it was lighter than air, but somehow the magnitude of it shoved me deeper than ever before into the unknown.
I was getting into a dangerous position, putting my heart into the war which was in place to keep my same heart safe. The fight my head was supposed to end before the poison of it reached my core. But too late.
I put my heart out for that kiss.
I thought it would be over when I felt Hazel's touch evaporate. But when my eyes opened and found her crystalline blue irises reflecting my fear and shock back at me, I knew it wasn't. I knew when the same thought passed through Hazel's mind. I shut my eyes again so I wouldn't have to bear seeing my heart thrown into the gamble that had already rendered my mind null and void.
I leaned in and she did and we met half way. This time, though, with a little more assurance. The first kiss seemed now to be a test that now, having been deemed a mistake I had no choice but to gladly make again, lead to the real moment.
Her lips were more firm now, more desperate for attention. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I was sure that I was doing the same thing.
Suddenly, I felt one side of my face crackle with electricity, then the other, and I was being urged to remove more of the space between my face and Hazel's. Then I realized the sparks were Hazel's doing- she cupped my face and held me there like I would ever have the will to leave.
I reached out a little and did the same, shivering at the sudden jolt when I made contact with her skin. She gasped loudly when I drew her lips even closer. I ran my fingers into her hair while my thumbs gently stroked over her cheeks and jaw. And she whimpered just a little. Not a pained one, the kind that made my stomach twist and heart pound at my chest.
"What are you doing to me?" Hazel half whispered half choked. Another whine flew from her as I- unable to help myself now that her lips had left mine- tangled more of my hands into her hair and brushed my lips over her face. I started exploring her jaw when she didn't object, when I found the corner of her jaw she gasped and held me there. I kissed the soft skin and earned another encouraging noise from the girl. I almost subconsciously tugged at her hair a little to tilt her head back and give me more freedom to roam, and I could feel the vibrations of Hazel's voice on my lips. I hummed a bit in an almost proud, though more agreementative, reply. At that Hazel lost it and I felt the moan that slipped past her guard just as well as I heard it.
"Oh god-" Hazel cried weakly, her voice still more instinctive and animalistic than it was English. Following an instinct I parted my lips and sucked gently at the spot. Hazel whined. I was only half paying attention at that instant though, I could taste her skin, feel her pulse on my lips. I sucked a little bit more determinedly and Hazel moaned again.
I was enjoying the effect I had on her a little too much, I think. I was making Hazel do things she hadn't carefully calculated. I was in control. I was needed, and maybe it sounds weird but I was so glad that Hazel had one thing she couldn't do without me- one thing that was a place reserved for me, saved solely for me, only I was able to do this, right? Her soulmate? I didn't mind that curse so much right now.
"Grace-" Hazel pleaded. I smirked. "How are you doing this to me?!" She groaned when I let go of her neck. She growled a little and pulled me back up to her lips. I also made a small whine at the sparks that flew off her lips. Now she was the one to start attacking my throat. She ran her teeth lightly over my burning skin and-
"You two had better have all your clothes on! I can hear you from the garage!" I jumped at the sudden slam of a door. Hazel uttered an almost inaudibly low growl as her sister barged into the house.
"Megan..." Hazel muttered.
"Don't you dare give me that look, Hazel." Megan clenched her jaw. "We will talk about this later, Zel. As for now, Grace, I think it's time you head home." I glanced from her to Hazel a few times to try and work out why Megan was so bothered by this. I mean, I guess I'd be pretty weirded out if I heard Sawyer making any noises with anyone but- hm... I have this crazy little voice telling me that it's something having to do with her inhumanity and- oh. When is Hazel's birthday?
"You're right, I should probably go." I sighed out the last of the moment. She growled a little less than inconspicuously at my declaration, but she said nothing else.
"I guess I'll see you Monday?" I tried Hazel, but she just pursed her lips, nodded a little, and crawled off my body, settling on the arm of the couch, legs curled at her side. It took me too long to tear my eyes away from the bare skin of her legs. The luminous color she was painted made her look very nearly haunting, like a ghost. Her black hair just made it look even more surreal. Borderline ominous.
"I will see you Monday, Grace. Have a good night." Her voice wasn't sweet, but it wasn't unfriendly. It was more... A promise, though the last part was more a formal wish. But I could just die from the color of her eyes when she glanced at me.
Megan ushered me out to the car, ignoring the groceries that rolled around in the back as she pulled out.
"I'm, uh, sorry you saw that..." I blushed in the silence. Megan exhaled like she was under a brick pile of pressure.
"It's not that. I'm glad you and Hazel are getting on well together, but... You know what makes your situation unusual." Megan breathed again. "I'm glad Hazel is learning how to work with you and I'm more than pleased that you're getting close to her, hell, Grace, if there were no other problems, I'd've gone out and had a sleep over with Kayla. But as it stands..."
"I get it, it's fine." I nodded, although Megan's sleepover confession did put in perspective how close we came to the point of no return.
"But I need to reiterate. Hazel is clever and she is naïve. I still don't think she has a handle on her feelings for you, I can see how she is studying you. She is doing what you like in return for her being able to vent out feelings she doesn't know she has. She is t using you, Grace, but it's a little too close for my liking. I'm just asking that you give her time. Give you time. Once you push her over the edge, she won't be coming back for a long time. It's dangerous now because you may end up triggering her, um..." Megan shrugged to hint out the thing she was saying. "You may end up driving Hazel to a point where she is in need of something you are not ready to give. Give yourselves time to acclimate to each other."
"You mean the agey thing, don't you?" Megan nodded.
"I want it to be real, Grace. Not because either of you had to." She finished.
And the rest of the drive home was silent.
**Hey!!! Hope this one was at least somewhat worth the wait :)