Do you believe in miracles?
"do you want me to go in with you." Yes please I cannot go through this alone and you need to know about my disorder seeing as it could affect your baby and this is the perfect way for you to find out. "no it's OK you've probably got other plans and I don't want to disturb them."
His face drops. "Aiko I don't have plans even if I did you and our baby is my number one priority at the moment so if you want me to go in with you I will happily do so but if you seriously don't want me too ill give you my number and I can pick you up and drop you home when your ready." OK I got little butterflies when he offered to pick me up but he don't need to know that especially when hes dating tia.
I give him a genuine smile for the first time in a long time."you can come with me if you don't mind."his face visibly lights up."OK then but you should probably have my number just in case though." of course seeing as you my baby father.
I unlock my phone through finger print before he take it and types his number in nans saving his contact as baby daddy with a baby emoji. He hands if back with a smile befote getting out the car.
I don't know if it's just me but he's much nicer then he was on our first few meetings I don't know if it's because I'm important to him or because of something else. I don't know if it's nice or worrying.
He opens the door letting me walk in first and I go to the front desk and lisa Dr brenans Assistants smiles at me. "hi Aiko Dr brenans client is running a bit over but he will be out with you shortly." she says before looking over at Malik before me again. When I went to the hospital to confirm my pregnancy they put it on my documents which go to Dr brenan which obviously goes through lisa first so she most likely thinks Malik is the daddy which he is.
"and you are." she says with a beaming smile knowing exactly how me and him know each other. "Malik Booker I'm here with Aiko if that's OK." she nods and we sit in the waiting area where its just us.
This is a private clinic and Dr brenan is my health specialist. I've been with him since I moved to california and a little before that but because I lived in connecticut before me and my dad moved my appointments with him used to be over the phone my dad works as a personal trainer at the gym a job that he was lucky to get due to his lack of english but his knowledge of basic words got him the Job that and he's an amazing personal trainer with the extra money he makes he pays for my private treatments with mr Brenan a reason why I never miss an appointment.
When I sit down I cross my legs over politely and to stop my legs from bouncing whilst Malik sits on the chair next to me slouching and man spreading as he scroll through socials. Lisa's eyes lock on me and Malik no surprise there seeing as I'm 17,pregnant, the only person here and the fact that I always only came with my dad. I fiddle with my hands with gains the attention of Malik.
"you ok." he asks his bushy eyebrows squinting together in concern. I nod but my hands give me away. "it's ok to be nervous I have know clue what this is about but I'm sure your gonna be OK." he says grabbing my hand interlocking them shocking me and making my body tense.
Either he didn't realise how tense I got or he's ignoring it as he scrolls through Instagram. I look up at Lisa and she gives me a knowing smile. The door to Dr brenans office opens and a dark haired girl who was much bigger walked out her hands covering her face as she non stop sobbed scaring me more.
"Aiko I'm ready for you." Dr brenan who was a fine silver fox I may add says with a friendly smile. I let out a shuddered breathe which Malik catches as we stand up hand in hand. Dr brenan looks at our locked hands shocked before looking up at me then Lisa who gives him a nod. Is there like a secret that I don't know about or is me being with a boy so unbelievable.
Clearly not seeing as your pregnant
We step into the room and as normal I sit on the beg whilst Malik sits in the chair next to me where my dad normally sits.
"hi I'm Dr brenan I don't believe we've met before" he says reaching for Maliks hand shaking it. "I'm Aikos health specialist I try to help her with mental and physical health but mostly for her eating disorder." Malik physically freezes his eyes widening a little like everything he seen about me finally clicked both Dr brenan and Malik look at me.
"I-I didn't know that she had um."he gulps shit I should have warned him. Malik looks down like he was disappointed not in me but more in himself."well Aiko you know the drill could you step on the scales for me I'm expecting you to gain weight seeing as your pregnant and hoping that your eating and not throwing it back up."
My eyes don't move off of Malik face a sad look on it as he looks back up. I step on the scales. Dr brenans face dropping at the result."Aiko youve lost a stone and 12 pounds in 4 months this isn't good." there goes the lump in my throat. I'm trying I really am trying to gain weight but it's hard.
My eyes well up. "your pregnant Aiko your meant to be gaining weight not losing it this isn't healthy for you or your baby." i look over at Malik the look of concern and sadness covered it as his mouth fell into a frown.
I sit back on the bed and Dr brenan since on his big fancy chair leaning forward his hands clasped together his elbows on his knees to show that he was serious about what ever he was gonna says.
"you can't be doing this to yourself Aiko you tell me everytime I see that your seriously trying but everytime I see you your weight is always decreasing anorexia is a serious health issue especially on teenagers like yourself who are still meant to be growing something that your preventing because your not getting enough nutritions you are the height of a 11 year old when you are seventeen and you weight the average weight of an 9 year old."
Tears trickle down my face as I'm unable to hold them back."you are so underweight and so malnourished that it's shocking that your organs haven't cause severe damage yet there might be some minor damages not ones that are noticeable. If you don't get your weight up every organ in your body including your brain and heart might get crucial damages." i nod I can't talk because my throat feels closed by this lump that feels the size of a watermelon.
"do you believe in miracles Aiko." i nod. "because that's what you pregnancy is a complete miracle." that's when my heart drops to my stomach and I look over to Malik his eyes watering and his expression tells me his stomach has just dropped as well.
"Aiko because you are Anorexic-" you are anorexic three words I've been dreading since ive met doctor brenan he's always say I could gain weight preventing Anorexia he always told me that I'm under weight but not enough to be classed as anorexic he always say I had a eating disorder but not a major one that could lead to Anorexia B-but now Im- god I can't even say it.
I look up to the ceiling trying to prevent myself from full on sobbing Infront of Dr brenan and Malik that's something I plan on doing in private.
"-your hormones such as your oestrogen will decrease therefore your uterus and ovaries are returned to there prepubertal length and size causing infertility so the fact that you are pregnant is honestly a miracle but this mean that pregnancy is going to be really hard on you because your uterus is of the size of a prepubescent meaning it's not big enough to grow a baby so this baby is going to push and stretch out your uterus more than it does on an average woman that is if you do know have a miscarriage."
"w-wait what do you mean if she doesn't have a miscarriage."Malik buts in making Dr brenan to swivel his chair to face both me and Malik.
"Aiko isn't getting the nutrition that she needs that are vital for the human body so if Aikos not getting the nutrition neither is the baby and the baby needs the nutrions from the mother in this case Aiko to even start it's growthing process the baby also is getting the food and nutrition from the mom through the umbilical cord so if Aiko isn't eating neither is the baby so if Aiko is barely eating neither is the baby so the baby could come out malnourished itself and even premature but if like in Aikos care where the baby isn't getting any food at all because Aiko isn't eating or is throwing it up that baby will definitely die before there born."
"fuck." Malik mumbles before his head drops between his shoulders his hand covering his eyes as he wipes at his eyes before any tears could fall. He looks back up at me and Dr brenan again.
"seeing as your is still early in your pregnancy this can all be changed if you start eating this can all be prevented you may need to eat more then three meals a day or if you dont want to do that then eat big meals with right nutrions your hormones will slowly come back and fertility could be possible and the risk of miscarriage will decrease with the more nutrition you get and give the baby." i nod at him wiping away my tears.
He swivels his chair his body now facing Malik."but seeing as Aiko has been trying but Is still loosing wait she is going to need someone to help her make sure she's eating and make sure she's eating enough and making sure she digests her food for atleast two hours so she doesnt have the chance to throw it back up before the baby gets any of it her father can help her with it at home but at school it's down to you to help her cause her father's not around."
Maliks nods looking at me like its a promise to help me.
After Dr brenan gives us the run down on what nutrions I need to be eating and what fatty food have a lot these nutrions that I could have and how many calories I need to be eating in a day to make sure both me and the baby grow.
By the time the appointment was done it was 4:30. We're outside the clinic in silence before my phone starts ringing at it was my dad.
"papa" I say trying not to cry. "hi bum your appointment ok." i look down my lips quivering as I try my best to suck it up and not cry. "do you want me to get you." i want him to but I also want to see how malik is feeling seeing as hes been out of it since Dr brenan told him it was my fault his baby could potentially die. "at school please." "ok I'll Be 30 bye bun."
"bye papa."