Ummmm... ow?
“Hope! What the fuck?!” Kage looks just as shell-shocked as Craig, the both of them staring at her in disbelief, but I don’t.
She may look like a raging psychopath to the rest of the world, but I’ve always been able to see straight through all her defences.
Hope was never good at understanding how to cope with fear, she’s had more than enough of it for one life time, now it just overwhelms her.
“Hope... It’s okay.” I don’t even rub where it hurts, instead reaching out and taking the hand she just used to hit me in mine. “I’m okay, I’m going to be fine.”
“No you’re not!” She’s trying to sound angry, but the tears fill her eyes, looking over all the cuts and bruises on my body before they finally tumble down her cheeks. “You could’ve died!”
“I know.”
“Y-You could have died... and then... and we’d... and I never got to say...”
I would’ve died thinking she still hated me. I would’ve died and we’d never have got to fix this.
“Come here, you fucking lunatic.” Kage and Craig still have no idea what’s happening, but this time it’s me that lifts up the blanket, opening my arms and waiting for her to make her choice.
Which she does, instantly.
She falls straight into my arms.
“I t-thought you were going to d-die.” She crumbles, whatever was left of the shield she had separating her from me vanishing, being drowned out by her tears as she grips my nightgown and cries into my chest. “I thought you were... You... You c-can’t die...”
“I know.” She can’t hear me, she can’t read my lips, too busy weeping, so I wrap my arms and legs around her tightly.
My precious little human Barbie doll, what am I going to do with you?
She was afraid; afraid I was going to die, afraid that we missed our chance, afraid to face the fact that she never forgave me and we would’ve parted this world as anything but the best friends we are always supposed to be.
I run my fingers through her hair, over her arms and between her own. She’s not wearing the black crop top and jeans she's been sporting since she got back, instead in a pastel shirt I’m pretty sure I picked out with her years ago.
She’s coming back. My Hope is coming back.
I wasn’t even sure if she was still in Westbrooke. She’s supposed to be in London already. I didn’t know if it would be okay to ask Craig when I saw him, and the fact he didn't bring her up made me feel like maybe after she got the termination she just disappeared back over the pond.
“I’ll take Craig with me to go get some food, okay? I think you two need a minute.” Kage kisses me gently, before sweeping Hope’s hair off her sobbing face and kissing her cheek too.
Craig, are you a fucking werewolf? Stop growling!
I thought I was gripping her tight, but I realise she’s holding me tighter. Her tiny frame shakes as she moves her hand under my body and presses it against my back, trying to make sure I never leave.
“Hope?” She can’t look at me, she just holds me.
“Y-You still feel like home.” Because I am your home. I will always be your home.
I smile, I cry, I let those beautiful words sink into my soul. We got close that day in the cafe, I could feel some of the distance between us close, but I never dared to let myself believe I’d ever see her like this again.
“I love you.” I lift her face and make her watch me say it. “I love you so much. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry about all of it.”
‘I don’t care anymore, I just don’t want to be angry with you.’ Then don’t be, please. She rests her head against my chest, her tears never stopping. “I can’t t-take it, I just can’t take it. When D-Dad told me what happened... I thought I was going to die too. I knew something was wrong, I could f-feel it! Something kept telling me I had to go to you, but I...” She lifts her tear-soaked face to look at me. “I’m s-so sorry, I should’ve c-come sooner.”
No, Hope, just like always, you've come at the perfect time.
“If I’d gone to Beebee’s, I c-could’ve told you, I could’ve s-stopped you-”
“You could’ve stopped a bomb going off?” She’s so precious. “Hope, you’ve got mad skills, but even you can’t-”
“I didn’t mean I could stop the bomb!” She throws her hands up like I’m the moron. “I could've just s-stopped you picking it up... or... I don’t k-know, I could-”
“There was nothing you could’ve done.” I laugh, only she’d think she could magically predict something like this. “I didn’t even know what the fuck it was until-”
“But I could-”
“No you couldn’t-”
“You don’t-”
“Yes I do-”
“Damn it, Thelma! Will you stop cutting me off?! You know what, you haven’t changed one bit! Typical Thelma, always got to get the last word on everything! Maybe I have got premonition powers, you know? My great-grandmother descended from gypsies, that could mean I have some abilities just waiting to come out! I should get a crystal ball or... Why are you crying?” She doesn’t even realise she said it.
I laugh and bawl my eyes out at the same time, Hope looking very confused, until I sign the words to her.
‘Thelma... you called me Thelma.’
I don’t have to cry alone for long, her tears flooding as she grips my head and presses it against her giant boobs. How doesn’t she fall over with these things? She’s so tiny.
“You’re my Thelma, and that’s the end of it.” Whatever you say, Louise.
I’ve never been so happy but so terrified. Part me feels like I’m still in the coma, that this must be a beautiful dream, but the dream takes a very sudden turn when her smile starts to fade away and she slams her hand over her mouth, before springing off the bed and throwing herself into the bathroom.
Oh shit.
She’s throwing up...
She’s still pregnant!
My heart gets all jumpy, warm fuzzy feelings in my stomach when she steps back out looking a little less pale and a little more glowy.
She’s so freaking beautiful.
“Sooooo... you've caught a stomach bug?” Don’t worry, it’ll be all out of your system in about eight months.
She rolls her eyes, picking up the empty pudding cup and throwing it at my head.
“You know I don’t have a fucking bug!” I know, just needed you to confirm it.
She climbs back into the bed next to me, pulling the blankets up to our necks just like when we would gossip at night as teenagers.
“You changed your mind about the...”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” Well you can get over that, because we’re fucking talking about it. “Every time I’m outside the apartment, I pretty much just pretend it’s not happening.”
“So you still haven't decided what you're gonna do?”
“I don’t even know anymore. Things are just so fucked right now.” I thought I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, but if it’s at all possible, hers look even heavier. “It's stupid right? To want to keep the baby? This is going to ruin everyone’s lives.”
“Like fuck it will!” When has anyone ever seen a cute little new-born and thought; yeah, that precious ball of innocence will be our end. “Look, whatever you decide you know I’ll support you, but honestly... A baby doesn’t ruin your life, they just make it better.” I know that’s not the case for everyone, but it was for me, and I know her. She was born to be a mum. “Are you gonna tell your dad soon?”
“No fucking way. I figure if I just wait long enough then the baby can tell him.” I laugh so hard I’m sure I cause another part of my brain to bleed. “I don’t want to tell him, not yet. Craig agreed we’ll wait until I’m at least four months, too much can happen before then. I don’t want to rip my family apart for nothing.”
“It wouldn't be for nothing.” And she won’t be ripping her family apart at all. If Connor and Anniston can’t handle this, it’s on them. I’m not expecting them to throw a parade, I have no doubts that the immediate reactions aren’t going to be great if past history is anything to go by, but despite everything they’ve been through, look at Leah and Jay now. A life, three beautiful kids... Well... One beautiful kid and two future stars of a Netflix brother-sister serial killer documentary. Either way, they’re going to end up famous. “What about you and Craig? Even without the baby, that still means something.”
She looks out the window into the hall, Craig talking with Kage but his eyes constantly flickering back to the room. I’ve seen people obsessed with the person they’re in love with, but for him it's something else. He can’t stand being away from her for a minute, you can watch the effect it has on him. He doesn’t just want her, he needs her.
Just like me. She makes me complete too.
“Don’t ask me about me and him, because even I don’t know the answer.” She fidgets her fingers with mine, talking to me like no time has passed since we were here last. “I just never thought I’d be here. Right now I’m supposed to be in London, I’m supposed to be on stage. I had a whole plan for my life and every single day it’s crumbling further away.” I’ve always said me and Hope work because in many ways we’re complete opposites. I was always the kind of girl to go with the flow, fly by the seat of my pants, jump on a plane to Italy because I wanted out.
Hope is a planner, she’s had inspiration boards for her future since we were little girls. The thing is, the boards have never changed. She made a plan and she stuck with it, but sometimes when you grow, the plan has to grow with you. When you change, life has to make adjustments as well.
Granny said that destiny doesn’t always work out the way you think it will, but it works out exactly the way it's supposed to.
“Do you want to go back to London and dance?”
“The company said they’ll hold my place for six mon-”
“That’s not what I asked.” I look right into her eyes. “If I could wave a magic wand right now, and poof you’d be in London, standing on that stage, doing the routine you've been taught... Is that what you’d pick? Would you leave everything you’ve got here behind for that?” Hope never does just what she wants, she always has to know it benefits other people as well.
This isn’t one of those times. This is her fucking life, and it’s about time she started being a bit selfish with it.
She looks at me, running every answer through her mind, before finally she settles on the one she's never allowed herself to say out loud.
“I don’t want to be a ballerina anymore.” Halle-fucking-lujah!
She throws her hand over her mouth, but she can’t hide her smile from me. She may never have let herself say it if I didn’t make her, but one of the chips on her shoulder fall away so quickly even she knows it’s the truth. “I don’t want to be a ballerina anymore...”
She drops onto her back and shouts the words into the room. “I don’t want to be a ballerina anymore!”
“Then don't be!” She kicks her legs with excitement, she just needed someone to tell her it was okay. “What do you wanna do?”
“I don’t know...” Her head spins with possibilities. “I just want to dance. I want to feel the music and move because it’s what my body tells me to do, not because I have to. I don’t want to be surrounded by bitchy ballerinas that tell me how many calories are in my fucking yoghurt!” Jealous cows, just because she can eat fries by the bucket and still have that itty bitty waist! “I want to see different people, I want to be around kids! I just... I want to wake up smiling. Being in London made me so fucking miserable, and being here has been so confusing so far... I just want to wake up smiling again.”
If there’s a person alive who deserves to have a smile on her face everyday, it's this one.
“Then let's find you something, something that makes you smile... I mean, more than he does.” Yeah, she can pretend she feels nothing towards him as much as she wants, I saw them together. I’ve never seen her happier than she was in his arms.
“Will you shut up? He’s going to hear you! You’re so embarrassing!” She punches my shoulder, so I punch hers back. “Ow! I did yours lightly!”
“Which one of us just got out of a fucking coma? God, you’re such a baby... especially for someone having a baby...” Yeah, that earned me another punch.
I’ve missed you, bitch.