Hi Readers: Sorry for the late start. I've been running some errands and doing some other things. However, I do hope to get at least a similar amount, if not more than what I did write yesterday out to you guys today; especially when I already have somewhere to start. I hope you guys enjoy today's chapters. Thanks again for reading.
XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Are you talking about the time when you said goodbye (to Gabby) in a fire?" -Kelly Severide
The former police detective was confused. Heck, both of the former police detectives were confused; not exactly aware of the situation, nor are they aware of just what time in Matt's life they are talking about right now. Heck, even Antonio was confused. And that made him sad, as it made him realize something; maybe he should've spoken to his sister more around this time, and his brother-in-law too. This was obviously something that might have led to the start of their problems, the problems that led to their separation. Just taking a breath, Antonio decided to add on something to what Kelly said. "Matt, listen. Before you answer, I don't want you to answer if you think that it's too close to something that might have caused problems in between you and Gabby around May of last year; I know that's something that you need to also consider." Matt took a breath when he heard Antonio say that, before shaking his head; he was ready, and able to talk about this.
"No, it's okay. But yeah, that's definitely something that really hurt me. It was just...god, it's really hard to even think about." Jay then went to add on, having an idea as to just what the former fire captain may be thinking about; as he's had that feeling a few times in the past while he was in the military, especially on the battlefield. "Did your life flash before your eyes because you thought you were going to die?" Turning to look at Jay when he asked him that, Matt was a bit shocked; especially since that was exactly how he felt in the moment. He felt like his life was flashing in front of his eyes, because he was going to die. "Yeah, how did you guess that?" Jay sighed when Matt asked him that, all too aware of the times where he did it too, when he said goodbye. "Because I was in your situation so many times while I was overseas, especially after getting fired at. You get really closed to your brothers-in-arms, especially the ones that you work with on a daily basis."
Matt agreed with Jay when he said that, taking a breath as he went ahead and took another sip of his beer. "Yeah, that's a hard part; and that's why it hurt so much when Andy died, because I worked with him on my truck." Matt turned his head, sighing as he looked at Kelly. "Add in the fact that they filled the seat so damn fast, I didn't really feel like I truly had a time to grieve; because I had to start training a new candidate, while also having problems with my fiancé at the time." Kelly looked at Matt when he said that as he was unaware of the fact that he and Hallie were having problems at the time. "You guys were having problems?" Matt agreed with his best friend when he asked him that, taking a breath as he was having problems. "Our status was complicated. We didn't know whether we were engaged, or whether we were breaking up." Kelly was shocked. "Wow, that's a lot." Matt agreed. "And then my best friend wasn't there for me." Kelly sighed.
"I know, that was hard." Matt nodded. "So, I had no fiancé to support me, and no best friend to support me." Kelly took a breath, agreeing with Matt when he said that. "Yeah, sorry about that man." Matt shook his head. "I can't look back, I need to look forward." Kelly agreed with Matt when he said that. "I think that you definitely need to look forward, as you are having a baby with your wife after all." Matt took a breath when he heard Kelly say that, hating how this is affecting that part of his life. "Yeah, that's another thing that I hate how this PTSD is affecting my life." Antonio was confused when he heard Matt say that, not exactly understanding. "Just curious, what do you mean by that?" Matt sighed as he turned his head, looking at his brother-in-law once again. "I find myself having trouble at times getting excited to have the twins, and I find myself worrying more than being excited; about how this PTSD is going to affect how I'm going to be as a father."
Jay shook his head when he heard Matt say that, hating that he was even thinking that way; especially since he used to have those same, exact thought that he's currently having. "Man, speaking from experience; you can't do that. I have been to PTSD groups, and they have all told me that PTSD has nothing to do with how you're going to be as a father." Matt took a breath when he heard Jay tell him that, glad that was the case according to the groups that he's been going to. "Doesn't mean that I can't still think about it, especially when I already stole a father away from his sons; especially when they're my godsons." Kelly turned to look at Matt when he said that, taking a breath as he went to speak to his best friend. "May I remind you Matt that you were cleared in all of your actions that day. You did everything right, and I am sorry that you even had to go through my continuous onslaught of abuse while we were at work." Matt agreed with his best friend.
"Yeah, that definitely wasn't that easy to deal with at the same time as I grieved." Kelly agreed with Matt when he said that, just taking a breath as he looked at his best friend. "And to think, that was at the hand of your best friend." Matt sighed, putting his hand on Kelly's shoulder to make him feel better; after all, he doesn't want to make his best friend feel bad at the moment. Rather, he wants to just relax and concentrate on making him feel better (which is what Kelly wants to do as well, after all). And right now, that was why he was talking to his friends and family about how he's dealing with this. "I'm sorry for that man." Matt agreed with Kelly when he said that, appreciating that he finally apologized to him. "Finally, I get an apology for that." Kelly just snickered when he heard Matt say that, well aware that he had to apology for what he did to his best friend; and that was exactly what he just did to his friend, he apologized for how he treated his friend at work then.
But the truth was, there was definitely something else that was on his mind as well; and it seemed that Jay was picking that up. Having PTSD himself, he can just see that there was something else on his mind; which was why he decided to ask his best friend what else was on his mind. Turning his head, Kelly just took a breath. "Okay, I can't help but wonder about this; and I just need to say it out loud, as I want to just make sure that we're getting the entire story from you." Turning his head, Matt looked at his best friend. "Uhm. God, this is awkward but; is there anything else that you think is causing your PTSD?" Matt sighed when Kelly asked him that, as there was something else that he thinks that there are other things that are causing him PTSD. Taking a breath, Matt proceeded to speak to his best friend. "Oh, I very much think that there are other things that are on my mind; other things that contribute to my PTSD, at least in my opinion." Jay agreed with the CEO.
"What would they be?" Matt sighed as he looked at the other men, going ahead with telling them. "Well, there are two other things. With us being pregnant right now, I'm always worried; and I think that's related to the miscarriage that we suffered back in 2015." Antonio agreed with Matt when he said that, well aware that was a really hard time on both his sister and his brother-in-law. "Definitely, that was just the start of a hard couple years." Matt agreed with Antonio when he said that, before taking a breath. "Oh, can't forget my wedding night." Kelly looked at Matt when he said that. "Okay, I am just going to ask this for all the guys here...isn't your wedding night supposed to be one of the most exciting nights of your life; for that reason?" Matt laughed when he heard Kelly ask him that, well aware that was the case. "Not that I got much that night." Antonio just shook his head. "Yeah, didn't need to know that." Matt then turned his head.
"You already knew that!" Antonio just looked at me. "I did?" Matt just looked at him. "Gee, nice of you to remember your former nephew." Antonio then realized that. "The kid that you yelled at me for not supporting at the time, which I need to talk to you about." Antonio looked at his brother-in-law. "I still think you should've supported her from the start." Matt took a breath. "While I was still grieving for the baby we lost?" Antonio looked at Matt when he said that, as he was a bit shocked. "Really? You were still grieving?" Matt nodded. "Things were just so hard, and they got so complicated. I mean, that was going to be my first kid; a kid that I have wanted for my entire life." Antonio nodded when he heard Matt said that, starting to understand why he was still grieving at the time. "But yeah, that was still part of my thinking at the time." Antonio agreed with him when he said that, taking a breath as he felt really bad that he did that.
Afterwards, Matt just took a breath and continued to look at the gentlemen that were seated around him at the moment. The gentlemen that were all in agreement that Matt had a bad case of PTSD. And that was why they were here at the moment, they needed to support him; and they needed to just be with each other, as they support Matt as he starts his PTSD journey. That's when Jay turned to look at the other guys, taking a breath as he thought about something. "Antonio, Kelly? Do you mind if I talk to Matt on my own for a bit? Now that you know, I think it might be helpful for him to talk to someone who knows what he's dealing with; or something similar to it." Antonio turned to look at Matt when his fellow former intelligence police officer, wondering whether he wants him to leave. "Do you want us to..." Matt nodded when Antonio and Kelly both asked him whether they can leave him be with Jay, which he was more than fine with that.
XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jay's POV: Once Antonio and Kelly left me and Matt alone so that we could talk for a bit, I moved close to him as I was happy over the fact that I was going to be able to help him; on an individual level, from one guy with PTSD to another guy with PTSD. And that was exactly why I wanted to talk to him alone. Just taking a breath, Matt looked at me so that we can start the conversation. "So, how are you doing right now with this entire journey?" Matt took a breath as he looked at me. "Honestly, I am not sure where I am. I am still trying to figure this out, and I am not sure as to just how I am going to deal with this. I mean, you probably understand the same situation that we're going through at the moment; because we're both expecting children with our wives." I shook my head when Matt said that. "Wrong friend Matt. Kelly is the one that's expecting. Me and Alex aren't pregnant yet, as much as we want to be." Matt then realized that. "Right, sorry man."
I shook my head when Matt said that, not wanting him to worry about how he said that we were expecting; especially when we're trying to have kids a lot. But right now, that's not what we're here to talk about; rather, we're here to talk about his PTSD. And that's something that he really needs to figure out, especially before he has kids; and I can just see that was really bothering him. The idea that he won't figure this out before he and Gabby welcome their twins, which I can easily understand. If Alex was pregnant, and I was just starting my PTSD journey; I would feel the same way. I would be worried about just how good I would be in supporting Alex in her pregnancy, when I am also dealing with my mental health. But back to the man who's mental health I am here to help with, and that would be my boss Matt. Just looking at him, I smiled due to the fact that I could clearly see that he was really happy to be expecting kids with Gabby; and that's what matters.
"How are things with Gabby's pregnancy?" I said that, trying to get his guard down with me. "It's going well. And we're going to be just taking it easy ahead of that, which is really nice; and I think that this is what we need to concentrate on right now." I agreed with Matt when he said that, well aware of just how important it is for him to concentrate on their kids first. That's something that I definitely want to do when I have kids, and it's something that all of the gentlemen here in the company all understand when it comes to Matt. "And we all get that Matt. I hope you know that." Matt agreed with me when I said that, smiling as I told him that; glad that we understood that he needs to concentrate on his health before he concentrates on building the business. "And that's definitely what you need to do Matt." Matt took a breath, just sighing. "And I'm worried about how this is just going to affect me and Gabby's marriage. I mean, I think that we're okay now."
I agreed with Matt when he said that, well aware that was something that he's worried about; but I already know how they are. "Matt, Gabby has been so supportive of you; so I think that you guys are in a great place, so that shouldn't be something that you really need to worry about. And I speak from experience, as there have been many times in my own relationship where I have wondered whether my mental health would negatively affect my relationship; and now, my marriage with Alex. But ever since we've been married, we've just been fine; and things are just looking up right now." Matt agreed with me when I said that, taking a breath as he looked at me. "Sorry if I am just so confused right now." I shook my head when I heard Matt say that, as he didn't have any reasons to apologize over how he's confused at the moment. Rather, he just needs to take it easy and relax when it comes to this time in his life. "Hey, just take it easy man."
Matt nodded as I told him that, doing just that as we both relaxed here on the roof of his home. Turning my head, I went ahead and looked out at the ocean. "I have to say though, I am quite jealous when it comes to just how gorgeous of a view you have from the roof here." Matt snickered as I said that, well aware that was the case. "I think that everybody feels that way when they come here." I agreed with Matt, smiling at him. "But I think this place is good for you and Gabby, and you guys should take it easy here; especially if this is where you feel so good." Matt agreed with me when I said that, which led to him smiling for the first time since me and the guys got up here; and I have to say, that I was glad that I was able to make him smile. "How are you feeling right now?" Matt smiled. "I'm doing better. Thanks so much for doing this Jay." I agreed with him. "I hope you know that I promise, you guys are going to keep being paid for your jobs."
I shook my head. "Matt, don't even..." Matt just looked at me. "Jay, you quit your jobs in Chicago to..." I looked at him. "I came here because I needed to get away from Hank, that's all the payment I need." Matt laughed when I said that, agreeing with me. "Okay, I agree with you when you say that." I smiled at him when he said that, just looking at him. "Remember that man, and just take it easy. We're all here for you, and I'm glad that you're laughing now. Listen, do you want me to get Gabby and send her up here? Maybe you can be alone for a while?" Matt took a breath as I asked him that. "I think I'll let you guys all out. And then, me and Gabby can relax this morning. Thanks for coming." I agreed with Matt when he said that, smiling as I was glad that he's already feeling a bit better. But at the end of the day, all that matters is that they're going to be okay. They being Matt and Gabby, as that's what matters at the end of the day; that the couple are okay.
XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hi Readers: I just want to tell you guys about something. Recently, I have found myself writing less and less. So, I have decided that from this day forward, I will only guarantee you one chapter (if I can post). Thanks for reading, and enjoy.