It had been 12 months, 14 days, and a couple hours since she found another woman's clothes in Daveed's apartment.
Emmy knew this date exactly because it was the most humiliated she had ever been in her life. She'd just come back from a girl's trip to Europe. She and her friends had planned to do a whole tour during the month of February. The only downside was that she'd miss Valentine's Day, but her and Daveed never did much for it anyways. She'd be back two weeks after the day and they agreed to celebrate then. They agreed that it'd be fine. Or so she thought.
On the day she returned from the trip, her plane came earlier than expected so she decided to surprise him. What she hadn't expected was for Daveed to have already left for work for the day and for a skimpy crop top to be on his couch.
She ran out the second she caught her breath from the shock. Tears stained her face for days. She was hurt and betrayed like no other. The fact that they had just celebrated a 2 year anniversary before her trip made it all worse. 2 years quickly went down the drain and she hadn't spoken to him since.
Today, however, Jasmine's daughter was turning three. Daveed and Emmy were Jasmine's best friends so naturally they were Nora's godparents. To Emmy, Nora couldn't have a more unlucky birthday, but she'd never say that out loud.
Given the circumstances, Emmy skipped last year's party, but she didn't want to disappoint the little girl again. She figured at least one person should have a happy February 28th, even if it would mean seeing him again.
Emmy was pulling up to the party now. Jasmine's street was lined with cars, so she knew it would be a struggle to find a park. She ended up parallel parking in the cul de sac and crossing her fingers that her car would be there when she got back.
Gift in hand, she walked along the driveway to knock on the door covered in balloons and a birthday banner. She noticed one of the cars on her walk up, but she decided to ignore it for the time being. The princess of the day opened the door, gasping the second she saw who it was.
"Mommy, Emmy's here!" Nora squealed. She was wearing a purple tutu, a crown, and a wig from the Trolls movie, but she sure did look cute.
"Hi birthday girl," Emmy bent down to her level. Nora immediately put a smile on her face, and Emmy already couldn't imagine not being here for such a sweet girl.
"Can I get on your back?" Nora asked.
"Don't you want to carry in your gift?" Emmy asked in response.
Nora shrugged. "You can carry it," she laughed at her own self. Nora quickly took advantage of Emmy's squatted position and climbed on her back before she could say no. "Go horsey go!"
"It's a good thing I love you, munchkin," Emmy shook her head and skipped off into the house. Nora giggled all the way through.
It was an abnormally chilly Los Angeles winter so mostly everyone had gathered inside. Emmy plopped Nora down on the couch with her friends and then moved to set the gift down. She looked all over for Jasmine but couldn't quite see her through the mass of adults and chaotic toddlers.
In the past few years, Jasmine had gained a lot of Mom friends, so Emmy was starting to know less and less people at these parties. She started sorting through the crowd, smiling and waving at the strangers. It wasn't until she got to the kitchen that she found Jasmine. She and some of the other Moms were setting up a spread of food. They seemed like they had an assembly line so Emmy kept going, trying to find a place at this party.
She moved into the bar Jasmine had set up, hoping that cradling a drink would make her feel less awkward. She felt so on guard and unlike herself and she knew exactly why.
Emmy made herself a cocktail and then leaned on the counter to watch everyone else mingle. She sipped as her eyes watched Nora bounce around, spinning her tutu in the process. She then watched all the other kids follow Nora's lead. Her heart burst with admiration: at Nora, at Jasmine's new house, at the life her best friend had built for herself and her daughter.
The moment was broken suddenly when her eyes landed on a hand cradling a drink near the wall. The silver ring was a dead giveaway and Emmy's heart slowly picked up speed. Their eyes had met at the same time and she could feel him moving away from Rafa and towards her.
Emmy tried to move but all of a sudden the kitchen had become packed with people. Her feet shuffled so fast her drink was spilling on her hands. The only way out was the path that led to him.
She pulled out her phone desperately wishing he would turn around. She knew that at some point she needed to get over it but she couldn't right now. Feelings were still involved. And they were at war with the hurt he caused.
A hand grabbed her wrist and she tried her best to pull it away. "Emmy stop," he said before loosening his grip. With that, she looked up at him. Their eyes met again. "Hi," he whispered.
"Please just leave me alone," Emmy begged. She tried to move but she was backed into the corner of the counters.
"I want... I need to apologize." Daveed nodded, "Can we talk?" he nodded to the empty backyard.
"I don't want to talk about this here. It's my goddaughters birthday. I want to have fun," she insisted. She knew she could easily fall for him again if she let herself so she was doing everything to prevent it.
"And drinking alone in the corner is fun?" Daveed questioned. "Just give me a few minutes," he said as he reached out his hand.
After a pause to think it over, she placed her hand in his. He led her through all the people to the back door. Emmy was sure people were staring at them but she was used to being humiliated by now.
When they got outside, the breeze hit them and Emmy's shoulders began to shake. She'd always been one to get cold easily and all she had on was a light sweater. "Make this quick," she said with gritted teeth.
"Take my jacket," Daveed offered, beginning to slip it off.
"I don't want your jacket," she said sternly through her shivers.
"You're going to be sick, Em. Take the jacket," he said in a slightly louder yet more caring voice than before. He took it all the way off himself and draped it on her back.
Immediately, it felt weird to wear something of his again. The jacket was warm like a nice hug but a part of it still felt cold. Her mind couldn't help but question if the other woman wore his clothes. If the other woman wore this jacket before she did.
"Look, I'm sorry," Daveed said bluntly, "There's nothing I can say that will excuse what I did."
Emmy looked at him with a dumbfounded expression. She already knew his actions were inexcusable. "Well, why did you do it? Were you mad at me for leaving? I don't even know if you know this but I saw the unmade bed and the shirt on your floor. I was going to surprise you that morning. Where'd you even meet her? I mean, was I such an awful girlfriend that you just had to pick some girl up at the club? Did you leave it all there for me to find it? For me to find it and question if the last two years of my life had been a lie?"
Daveed shook his head and raised his hand to his forehead. He cursed at himself under his breath. "I didn't mean to leave the place like that... I had just woke up to the notification and I wasn't thinking. She was already gone and it slipped out of my head just that quick. When I didn't see you there, I figured you'd gotten home on your own. I realized by then how I left it and I was too ashamed to go back. I just went straight to work. But it was only the one night, I swear."
Emmy held her head down. He could see her taking a step back from him. She didn't say anything, this wasn't going the way Daveed was hoping.
"I regretted it immediately. The whole night replayed in my head at the airport and I could hardly move from the shame. I just got in my own head. Or maybe Rafa did. He said you had someone else, the whole time we were together. He said you went to Europe for a month to be with them. I thought a rebound would make me feel better. A couple days later Rafa said he had been messing with me"
Emmy looked up as a tear slipped down her cheek, "Why would I cheat on you?" She shook her head, "Why would you believe nonsense like that?" More tears fell. She could hardly believe that he trusted her so little.
Daveed shrugged, "I was dumb... and insecure. Extremely insecure. And look at you... you're so confidant, and you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I just have a hard time thinking you'd want me, or better yet, love me. That night, I don't know what got into me. I guess all of these insecurities came to a halt."
"So you thought you weren't good enough for me and that the solution was to hurt me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this," Emmy said, being sure to avoid his eyes, "I should get back to Nora." She turned sharply before the onslaught of tears had the chance to ruin her makeup.
"Emmy wait," he pulled her back, "I didn't bring you out here to try and justify myself. I hurt you purposely and there's no explaining that away. I broke your heart and your trust and I'm so sorry," he held his own head down now. He pulled off the drawstring he had on and started to rummage through it. "I really just wanted you to have this. I'm moving and I came across it the other day."
He handed her a thin, hardcover book. She flipped open the back cover and inside were her and Daveed's names, signed together along with their anniversary. She flipped it again and the front read "Love by Toni Morrison." They'd gotten it on their first anniversary during a trip to the bookstore. It was when Emmy thought they'd be together for the rest of her life.
"I know it's different now, but you loved this book," Daveed shrugged. "I didn't want to just throw it out."
Emmy held it close. She looked down at it. "When I signed this, I saw forever with you," she stared into his eyes, "But I don't know how to forgive you."
"I'm not asking you to. I'm just so sorry," Daveed shook his head. He wanted another chance more than anything, but he knew it was a shot in the dark.
Still holding the book on her chest, Emmy turned to go back inside. She didn't say another word and the only sound was the door closing on Daveed.
He stood outside alone for a just a couple minutes after she left, just a little time to process his agony.
Inside, Emmy quickly wiped the stray tears and joined everyone around the table. They were all eating now and all the kids were eager for cake.
"Emmy, you missed pizza?" Nora called her out. She was at the head of the table, enjoying her power for the day.
"Sorry Nora, Uncle D and I were hanging out outside," Emmy tried to explain without giving too much away. She was silently praying that her eyes hadn't reddened but there was hiding the way her demeanor had dropped her voice had a tint of sadness."
"But Mommy said it too cold outside?" Nora asked more, far too knowledgeable for her age.
It was then that Daveed stepped through the door and Emmy realized she was still wearing his jacket. She knew most people here didn't know them but she still didn't like the extra attention. "How about I see if Mommy needs help cutting your cake?" she shifted the subject to something she knew all the kids would get excited about.
Jasmine was essentially coerced into giving them birthday cake, and Nora, who knew that hardly anyone could say no to her, ate three pieces. The rest of the party went smoothly, but Daveed and Emmy kept finding themselves sitting or standing near another, like a magnet was pulling them.
As guests started to leave, Emmy moved toward the kitchen that was much more empty now. Jasmine was leaned over the couch eating some of the leftovers.
Emmy knocked on the side of the wall so she wouldn't catch her by surprise. "Sorry to bother you, I know you haven't eaten all day."
Jasmine quickly chewed the last bite and reached out to pull Emmy into a hug. "Oh my god Emmy I've barely seen you all day."
"That's alright, you've been busy," Emmy laughed as she completed the hug.
Jasmine shook her head, "I'm so glad most of The Moms left already. They had to get back to the bedtimes they brag about. I mean... love them but they're exhausting."
"They're definitely a lot," Emmy agreed.
Jasmine's eyes tilted down the the book Emmy was still cradling. "I saw y'all out there," she said softly, "Everything okay?" Jasmine knew what happened but only from Emmy's perspective. She was still friends with Daveed but had side eyed him ever since.
"Yeah," Emmy nodded, scratching her chin. "That was our first time talking since. He just... explained why. I think it felt better when I didn't know the answers. But then he said he was moving and gave me this book from our first anniversary. Honestly, I was surprised he kept it."
"What do you feel about the whole thing now?" Jasmine looked at her, taking another bite of cake.
Emmy shrugged, "I don't know. I know that I'm angry. I'm just so upset that he wouldn't just talk to me. Or tell me what was in his head. I just don't understand any of it. But then I think about how I never really stopped loving him. That's why it hurt so bad... still hurts so bad. But, I think I would be to afraid to get hurt again."
"If you started dating again?" Jasmine completed her thought.
Emmy nodded silently.
"If that's what you want, I think you'd have to forgive him first," Jasmine sighed, though she wasn't sure she was on board."Are you sure you want that? Think about how you felt this time last year."
Right on time, Daveed peeked into the room. His eyes softened when he spotted Emmy. "Hey Jas... we're about to head out."
"Thank you for showing up for my girl," Jasmine smiled back at him, "I'll walk you out?"
"No it's okay, I didn't want to interrupt," Daveed said before excusing himself.
"Don't have to tell me twice," Jasmine laughed shortly.
Emmy's eyes were fixed on the doorway he just walked through. Jasmine watched her watch him walk away. She knew what he did had killed Emmy but it was almost as if letting him go for good was killing her more. Just like that, Jasmine's earlier question was answered.
"I'll be right back," Emmy said before scurrying off in that same direction. She ran through all the stragglers left in the house to catch him just before he could get in his car.
"Daveed," she stopped him as he opened the door. He looked back, and suddenly her feet were crossing the yard to get to him.
"Emmy?" He asked, unsure what to say.
Emmy stood before him now, trying to collect her words. The book in her hands was like a clutch. "I've been thinking," she looked down at the title. Love, it stated, as if the concept was so simple.
"I don't want to just throw this out," Emmy held up the book, but both of them knew it was deeper than just bound pages. "I'm mad at you still. But I can't just let throw out the strongest feelings I've ever held."
Daveed was quiet so she stepped closer. Emmy grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. She held his gaze and it felt like it did three years ago. Her free hand came up to grab his cheek. The next thing she knew she was kissing him, softly, but a kiss all the same.
"I want to take this step," she murmured as she pulled away, "I want to forgive you."
"You do?" Daveed asked. His head was spinning wildly. He let out a breath of relief that he hadn't known he was holding.
Emmy nodded, "It'll take time," she paused, "But I never stopped loving you."
"I didn't either," Daveed smiled, "Not even for a second. I can assure you that. I'll spend forever trying to rebuild your trust, but please know that."
A blush crept on Emmy's face and she stepped even closer. Their bodies were practically touching at this point. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him once more. Joining in, he wrapped his arms around her waist. The kiss lingered, neither caring that they were in broad daylight.
Everything around them had fallen away, the cheating, the party, the year in between. This kiss was an agreement that they would actually be fine this time.
Emmy pulled back after a while, "Where are you moving?"
"A couple blocks from here," he responded, "That apartment had to go."
"I loved that apartment before..." her eyes trailed downward again. It was the first place they had moved in together. They'd gotten it as roommates before they were even dating. The apartment held so many memories, both good and bad.
"I'm sorry for ruing it for you." Daveed used his finger to lift her chin. He looked deep into her brown eyes. "Somethings we love have to be let go. We make stupid decisions and ruin almost every good thing in our lives. But sometimes we get so incredibly lucky and get to keep the things we love the most." He lifted her chin just slightly higher to kiss her again.
A smile lingered on Emmy's face. "If it's meant to be, and enough time has passed, it'll come back," she made her own quote, "I should get back inside."
"Or I could show you the place? There's some more of your stuff I brought over," he responded, trying to get her to stay.
"Next time," Emmy said, letting him know that there would be another time, "I want to spend some more time with Nora." On the inside, she just needed more time to process what had already happened today. She hadn't expected any of this to come from today.
"Next time," Daveed nodded in agreement, "Baby steps." He knew that what she had given him was already more than enough, and he too, was shocked by how today had played out.
"Baby steps," Emmy blushed again. She turned to cross the yard once more, stopping at the top to wave goodbye.
This goodbye, however, felt a lot less permanent than before and her heart was at so much more ease than it was this morning.