"We need to talk." My heart rate picked up when my unexpected guest showed up and told me those words. Renzo was in casual clothing, which looks just as dang good as his suits do. Black tee, black leather jacket, dark jeans. His hair sat softly on his head, but his expression was hard.
I stared at him for a second too long, but quickly cleared my throat and opened the door wider for his large frame to fit by. I lingered at the door while closing it. That left my back to him, which I needed because I needed a moment to pull myself together.
"What about?" I finally found my voice when I was forced to turn around.
Renzo didn't walk to the living room. Instead he stood in that wide stance that always makes him look so good. It left me awkwardly standing between him and the closed door. He was a few feet away though. Still I felt pinned somehow. Broad shoulders, sharp eyes, cut jaw. Focus, Kat.
Before Renzo spoke to me he held a finger up to his mouth to tell me to hush. I tipped my head in confusion, but then he pulled some contraption out of his pocket and started scanning my walls and furniture and everything.
Um? I just stood there like a fool. Watching. He was through with whatever he was doing. When he scanned the ground he stopped over something. Renzo straightened himself out and walked over to me. When he took my hand my heart flipped.
I didn't bother protesting or asking questions, I just let him pull me into the bedroom and then into the bathroom. What's his angle here? When he turned on the shower I hesitated. Is he just going to try resolving our issues with sex? Because that's the last thing we need.
My attention focused solely on him when he finally turned around and looked down at me. "Listen to me, you need to be very careful with what you say in this house. We found out who Rylee is," Renzo told me. My heart rate only increased with every new word.
Renzo took a step closer, which made me subconsciously take one back. My bum hit the edge of the sink. I have nowhere else to go, and suddenly this bathroom feels very cramped. Renzo flipped on the vent to keep the steam away. Or to make a lot of noise.
"He's an undercover cop, Kat." My eyes flew wide and my mouth dried right up. "R-Renzo..I was just with him" I was about to start panicking. What did I say? Did I say anything that could get Renzo or any of the Revello's into trouble?! Oh gosh, what did we talk about? The conversation flew right out of my mind. I watched Renzo stiffen.
"What the fuck do you mean you were just with him?" His jaw got tight. "I was walking to get coffee and...I ran into him and he came with me. Oh my gosh...he's a cop...w-what does he want? Oh my g-are we all going to be arrested?! Is it Sven? He knows doesn't he" I started to spiral.
I couldn't control the tremor that started in my hands first, but began working its way up.
Renzo motioned for me to slow down. "Look at me," he took my chin to bring my face up to focus on him. "If he wants anyone it's me, not you. We don't know what he wants yet, but I have someone looking into it. You can't speak to him anymore. You say hello and you move along." My mind was still reeling. I pressed my hand to my head and tried to think of everything I said to Rylee today.
"Kat, tell me everything you spoke about" Renzo grasped my chin again to bring me back to attention. I retraced my steps when I first encountered Rylee and tried reliving the conversation almost word for word.
Renzo's jaw kept clenching and unclenching. "I don't like that he's using you to find dirt on me. Why the fuck are you two hanging out anyways?!" He was getting mad for other reasons now.
"I just wanted to know more about him. I wanted to help" I sighed. "You help by staying as far out of it as possible. Listen to me, this device is to look for bugged wires. Your apartment is clean for now, but it detected something faintly below you. He's probably got things set up against the ceiling to see if he can catch any voices up here. I'm staying here tonight, and hopefully by tomorrow we know who sent this undercover asshole here" Renzo ran a hand through his hair in a stressed way.
Staying here?! "Like...sleeping here?" My gut flipped. "Yeah, Kat. This goes beyond us. I'm not leaving you alone here" he warned me. I nodded okay. I don't think I even wanna be alone here.
I can't believe it. An undercover cop. I can't go to jail. I saw a peek of what jail was like when I visited Dante's father. I wouldn't survive it.
"Don't say anything on your phone either. Live as normally as possible" Renzo advised me. Again I continued to nod. "Renzo, I-I can't go to prison..." I gulped at the thought. "You won't," he assured me. "You don't know that though" I was trembling again.
He put his hands on my shoulders to try to calm me. "I wouldn't let that happen. They'd only look at you to get to me. You play innocent. You don't know anything about my work. Never admit to that. They'd let you go to get a hold of me" he let me know.
That doesn't make me feel any better. I don't want Renzo or any of the Revello's to go to prison. I didn't mean to get teary eyed, but this scares me. A lot. When Renzo used his thumb to wipe my stray tear I wanted to lean into him so badly. We looked at each other without saying a word.
It was only the shower and the vent that was making noise in the room. All to drown out any sound of our voices. I have an undercover cop living below me. That spoils my gut every time that fact settles in. "I don't want anything to happen to you" I practically whispered the words. My throat is so tight it barely escaped it.
Renzo's large hands pushed my hair away from my face and his eyes lingered on mine. My pulse spiked. "You underestimate me. They won't touch any of us" he showed me confidence. I wanna believe that. That needs to be true.
"Trust me," he added. We both paused at those words. Isn't that exactly what this huge fight was about. I didn't trust him. Our eyes got caught up in each other. He rolled his jaw almost like he was expecting me to say no. But I found myself nodding yes. "I trust you," I said quietly.
His hands on my shoulders tightened slightly. He ran them down my arms before pulling away from me completely. "If you believe one thing I say let it be this. You, Kat, are untouchable. To get to you they'd have to come through me. And I'm not an easy man to take down" he told me before turning away from me.
Renzo leaned over the shower to shut the water off. He walked past me and shut the vent off too. When he opened the door I knew he was waiting for me to walk out first. Discussion over I guess. What would I even say to that anyway?
His words made my heart swell and ache all at once. I don't know when we're going to fix this. I know what I need to do before I do. But still...this proximity, it kills me. I believe him though. Renzo won't let anything happen to me.
-
Renzo had left the apartment for a short while to get some things done. He said he wouldn't be long, but I was so stressed at the idea of him staying here overnight that I was hoping he didn't come too early. What'll we say to each other? What will we do? It'll be so awkward.
When I don't know what to do with myself I start giving myself tasks. I cleaned half my house, and when Renzo got back here I started cooking dinner, so I stayed busy. Renzo came back with some computer, but there was a device attached. They cut the frequencies or something, so he could work without Rylee interfering.
Well, I guess his name is Steven. I can't think of that or else in a panic I'll end up calling him by name.
After I cooked, Renzo ate his meal while still on his computer. I ate and kept to myself, and then I decided to take a shower just to give myself something to do. I'm acting ridiculous. I should calm down. It's just Renzo. Yes, it's awkward because there is so much left unspoken between us, but I need to just chill out.
But where will he sleep? Will he want to share a bed? Take the couch? Does he even fit on my sofa to sleep on? It's very small and he's very large.
I wish I knew what he was thinking when I would see his eyes drift over to mine. Should I offer to turn on a movie? Would he rather I leave him alone? Ah, calm down, Kat.
There were only so many avoidance tactics I could use before we both ended up with nothing left to do. I tried not to squirm when I finally addressed him. "Do you need anything?" My voice came out mousy and I cringed at myself.
"No. Kat, I'm doing this for your protection. You understand why I'm here, right?" He mouthed the word 'protection' just in case. I nodded, "Yes, I know why." He swiped his hand down his face which made that scratchy sound.
"Then, let's not make this weird. Your anxiety is filling the house" he called me out. It made me blush. I swear I almost thought I saw a smirk form on his lips. Just as quickly it was gone though. "Sorry" I muttered. I didn't know what the heck else to say.
"I'm gonna watch tv. Do whatever" he waved for me to go about my business. Should I sit with him? No. Looking at Renzo on my sofa and feeling so far away from him, it got me thinking. I decided to grab my laptop and sit at my breakfast nook to start a rough draft of this college essay I've been avoiding.
'Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?'
-'It isn't easy to admit to one's failures. It takes a kind of personal growth before someone is able to reach the kind of self awareness they need to identify and admit their failures at all. Being of a certain age I know many of my peers face similar challenges.
This is a time in our lives where self discovery is crucial. It's the age of stepping into real life and realizing the world isn't as safe as we once believed. But I cannot speak for my peers. I can only speak for myself when I admit that this year's self discoveries almost swallowed me whole.
I come from a family of hard working immigrants, and though we lived below middle class my parents never left their children wanting for anything. I grew up knowing what a full belly felt like, a roof always over my head. And though I was taught the value of a dollar, or a child's toy, I still had a gift to open each birthday of every year.
I felt safe and loved. I was provided for. This instilled a belief in me that the world was kind. That people want the best for each other. That I would always be provided for.
I can list every challenge or set back I've faced over the course of one year, but all that amounts to one thing. The failure to believe in myself when circumstances changed and the world became more difficult than what I was used to.' -
I had been typing away, so I didn't notice the shift in the air until I paused to think of where I wanted this essay to lead. I looked up from my screen and Renzo was watching me. Gosh, the sight of him can sum up the total of my life's lessons and failures.
He's been here to show me both. Renzo Revello showed me a new world. A world I didn't know existed and couldn't understand. I think I'd like to acknowledge the balance in my college essay.
"What are you typing?" Renzo's deep voice finally cut through the quiet. "Um, my college admissions essay" I blushed for whatever silly reason. Renzo pursed his bottom lip and nodded. "Have you decided where you'd like to go to school?" He looked away from me when he asked his question, like he was almost trying to air indifference.
"I'm keeping my options open. I have a few schools in mind." I felt his eyes shift back to me. "Out of state?" He asked. It surprised me. I hadn't once considered that. I felt that my life was here now.
I'm not looking to uproot it. In fact I've been wanting and trying to improve the foundation of it. "No," I said without a thought. Renzo's body almost seemed to release some tension I hadn't noticed he'd been carrying in it.
"Renzo, what you said the other day...that if I don't need you I'd leave you. I'm not trying to leave. I'm trying to become your equal" I felt I needed to explain. Half this tension stems from this lack of communication.
I watched Renzo clench his jaw and look away as he does when he can't face my words. "Don't you have an essay to write?"