How fucking stupid was I to think anything had changed?! It's like the second I start to let Hazel in, she tries even harder to screw me over. She hasn't talked to me since last night -when she'd kissed me for the first time while asking for permission. Permission that I gladly gave. But I really regret it now. I let myself get a little too attached to her. Now she was avoiding me again. Note to self: avoid Hazel at all costs. I feel bad and all, about Winter, but if Hazel wants nothing to do with me, well, I never really wanted anything to do with her. Actually that's a lie. I just don't want anything to do with the Hazel that I know. If there were another Hazel -nicer, less irritating, you know, not Hazel- I might consider.
"Grace, you're zoning out again" Marley interrupted my internal venting. "You've got that 'Hazel was being a bitch again' face" she sat down on the couch across from me and absentmindedly poked at her lunch of overcooked pasta from the servery.
"The usual. She led me on and now she's avoiding me" I sighed.
"Ah. Not that you're gullible or anything, but what delusional story did she come up with this time?" She rolled her eyes. "And you're welcome for covering last night. You owe me some details, Gracie"
"Megan kidnapped me to meet with Riley, and then kidnapped me to take me to her house against my will to have dinner with her and Hazel, but they left me in the car" I left out the whole Hazel thing. I'd totally tell Marley all about it if not for the fact that I had a very strong feeling that if I told, Hazel would be hiding my body in a dumpster outside a fast food restaurant. Nothing personal, Mar, I just kinda want to live until I can move far, far away from Hazel and live out the rest of my life.
"That does not explain why you're more annoyed today than any other day" and Marley clearly wants me dead.
"Hazel just... Ugh... She tried talking to me at one point so Riley wouldn't get especially pissed at her, and she was actually acting like a normal person. And I believed it" I put my head in my hands with a groan.
"Dude, you have got to stop falling for these things" Marley sounded teasing, but I knew her well enough to know that she was being serious.
"I try! I try not to listen and every fucking time I fail!" I whined. "Last night I actually thought she was opening up to me- for me, but no. She said what she did because she had to. She has to spend time with me because she has to. And I am so done with this. It really couldn't be more clear that she and I want nothing at all to do with each other" I blurted before remembering that I was talking out loud, not silently to myself. "Sorry. That wasn't your problem" I smiled up halfheartedly. Marley was scowling.
"Oh no. My best friend sulking around over some bitch who is screwing with her head is totally not my problem" she snorted "if it was a small problem, it would have been solved before you got stuck on it. This is a big problem. My only suggestion is to figure out what you want" I opened my mouth to retort "don't give me that. I've seen how you act around her. I'm not that stupid. I know there is more between you. If there isn't then my god do you people need a reality check. Grace, if you really wanted her gone, you'd have no problem getting over her"
"I really want her gone"
"Well then, idiot," Ana's laugh interrupted our quiet conversation, but Marley still finished "ever think that's why you can't get rid of her?" I didn't even have time to register what she was trying to get at before Tatiana and Micha crashed our best friend time.
"Hello girlfriend and Tatiana" Marley snapped back into her usual self. Micha pursed her lips slightly before smiling at Marley, and walking to sit beside her. She kept eye contact with her while she moved, the subtlest 'you'll tell me later because you're not telling me now' look, to which Marley tilted her head towards me and a look of understanding and irritation flashed in Micha's eyes. Ana was oblivious to the whole thing.
"We heard you laughing" Marley licked her lips, claiming a mischievous grin.
"Yeah. We were comparing N.S. stories. Micha was telling me about how Grace met her friend Antony" Ana laughed again.
"You never told me about that" Marley pouted at the older girl. Micha scratched the back of her neck, her skin was too pale to hide her blush.
"Micha, honey, you're my girlfriend. I'm Gray's bestie. You're her-my plus one. It's like illegal for you not to tell me all the embarrassing details of both of your lives when I'm not there to see it myself"
"She does have a point" Ana giggled to encourage Marley.
"Micha" the brunette drew out the 'a' childishly "please, baby" she nuzzled Micha's neck, making the ravenette stiffen. Smirking to herself -Micha's viewpoint made the grin slip her attention- she brushed her lips over the girl's jaw and throat. Part of me really didn't need to see this, but part of me loved Micha's facial expression. I won't go into detail because it can all be implied by saying she was biting her lip just to keep her mouth shut and her hands were molded into tight fists.
"Okay. Not that I don't love all the rainbows emitting from you two but if you two gay it up any more, I think Marley is gonna lose her skittles" Ana crinkled the bridge of her nose in disgust and I was almost sure I was imagining the taste of bile in my mouth. Almost.
"Tatiana Levison!" I gasped, mostly in surprise that the girl who'd been afraid to watch a kissing scene on TV was making such a blunt sex joke.
"What? I meant Micha will get pissed and steal Marley's food" she stated matter-of-factly, trying to act innocent but still smirking wildly. I was about to retort but a loud noise cut my breath; a deep gasp laced with pleading.
"Micha did you just-" Marley sounded half amused and half dumbfounded.
"Shit. I'll see you all later" Micha fled before any of us could speak, her face a deeper scarlet than Marley's. Let me tell you, that is an accomplishment. The younger girl was the color between ripe tomato and Ferrari red.
"Okay. I really should have seen that coming" Marley looked anywhere but Ana and I. I was trying to pick up my jaw and Ana was trying not to laugh loudly enough to wake up whoever was asleep on the other side of the world.
"No shit, idiot" Tatiana doubled over with laughter. "O.M.G. Your faces!"
"Oh my god" she put her head in her hands "Grace, could you just make sure she's not too upset? I-um... I didn't mean to-I mean I thought she wouldn't-" I cut her off. I don't really think this should have stressed her out this much but whatever. Besides, I have nothing better to do.
"Yeah, I got it" I pat her head, earning a grateful look. "Just don't worry about it"
"Yeah... But she's- I mean thanks" she turned just a little redder and tried to hide the obvious mid-sentence subject change.
. . .
Three girls bathrooms, a run around three floors, to the gym building beside my school, and a doorway later, I was standing in the doorway to the girls' locker room, panting, when I finally saw Micha splashing sink water onto her face. Her eyes were closed and I doubt she could hear my breathing over her gulping in a breath between handfuls of liquid.
"You good?" I asked when she'd taken a break. The older girl jumped -which I found extremely odd- and whirled around to face me, her soaked hair sent some flying droplets of water onto the mirror.
"Uh... Yeah. Fine. Why you ask?" she regained her composure, coming out of her position hunched over the white bowl of the sink to stand straight.
"Because I have a very worried friend who kinda thought she'd crossed the line" I relayed, making her sigh and run a wet hand through her wetter hair.
"Dammit... Could you text her or something?"
"Mhm" I got out my phone, sent Marley a reassuring message, then put it back in my pocket.
"Thanks" she uttered a shaky chuckle. I scowled.
"What's up? I have never seen you this off your game before"
"Uh..." She blushed. "Of course Megan and Hazel would neglect to tell you about it, and I'm pretty sure you won't enjoy hearing it from me... But seeing as you're going to need me to tell you one time or another..." she went to lock the door.
"Should I be concerned?"
"You should be prepared" she gave me a look that said she was looking forward to explaining it as much I was to be hearing it. "Okay... So has Megan ever mentioned that Hazel is turning fourteen soon?" she took a seat on one of the benches in the changing area. I did the same.
"She may have mentioned it"
"Okay. For starters you know that most people hit puberty in their early double digits to mid-teens?" I nodded "well, personally, I got my first period at around seven years old. And I was later than most of others in triplet sets at the N.S."
"Really?" I breathed. Seven. She was physically capable of having a child at seven years old. God.
"Yeah. Most things happen early for us. Its a result of having less people like us. We are ready to have children at a much younger age" I think I might have just realized what she was getting to. "And for females, like me, fourteen is the age where you're meant to start having kids. At least historically. Like you're supposed to be having kids during you twenties more or less.
I mean, it varies. And there are little differences I won't explain now. Thirds hit sexual desire almost as soon as they can walk. They're like animals. They don't even know they're doing it as children but they do. Second males hit it a little later than females, at around fifteen to females' fourteen. Thirds hit it much later. Their sexuality first starts appearing at thirteen, but its very, very extremely mild, they don't normally even realize it's there until their seconds hit it. But females will hit around eighteen, and males around twenty. IN any case, hitting that age is like turning into the stereotypical teenage boy. That sort of..." she coughed a little "desire for them is actually less than fourteen year-olds like me. Past fourteen it doesn't get any better. It will only stop while you're in late pregnancy or pass the age which you can no longer have children, which is around sixty for us... Basically the closer Hazel gets to that age the more sexually frustrated she becomes; the more Megan worries.
Me? Grace, I'm a seventeen year old virgin. I get turned on at any trace of Marley. And I know you really don't want to think about it, but god, it's true. And Hazel, mature and perfect as she may think she is, has nowhere near the amount of restraint or willpower that I have. She is not only going to be your living hell, she is going to do whatever she can to make it stop.
Which is why Megan is so worried. I know rumors about Hazel's most influential role model. Alexa slept in easily three beds a night. Most not even in beds. And that's what Hazel will think of when she realizes you're not going to let her take you, and when she tells herself she hates you. You're in actual danger if Hazel doesn't listen to Megan. She learned from Alexa. A third. A heartless, lying, using, raping, and extremely successful girl in Hazel's eyes" I cringed a little, Hazel's speech returning to me. And there were no words to describe the dread that set in.
"And there is a little more. The whole thing ties into your soulmate" I bit the inside of my lip angrily. "Hazel can smell your hormones, yeah?" I nodded, she'd made a point of saying so "are you angry right now?" I nodded again "she'll smell that. She probably smells it now. Mostly just your natural scent and a little bit of a difference from what she is probably used to you smelling like. She is used to smelling an irate Grace. Honestly, I've heard it's a lot more pleasant when the soulmate is happy. If you're feeling at all sexual she could probably smell it from the next town. But it's not just you so don't feel like she always knows how you're feeling. There are a lot of noise scents" she ended "hope that wasn't too awkward" I didn't even care about her issues at this point. I'd let Hazel kiss me last night. I'd been the idiot that thought she had real feelings for me. And now I know it was just because she wanted me to kiss her. Not because she wanted me to show her I cared. And by god I did.
"Grace? What's up?" Micha scowled at me just before I realized I was crying. No. No, Hazel shouldn't do this to me. Stop it, Grace. But that only made it worse.
"I kissed her. Last night I kissed her and I thought-" I thought, I thought, I thought wrong.
"What? Grace, what happened?"
"She told me about something that happened and I thought she actually had feelings. I was an idiot. I'm an idiot" why was it that this made me ache? Why the hell couldn't I just let go? Why couldn't I have something like Micha and Marley? They're happy and they're not soulmates.
"You got her to talk?! Oh my god, Grace, you're not an idiot. Alexa is a messed up bitch, whatever happened between her and Hazel is worth feeling for her"
"No. No it isn't" I spat. But just then the door opened, the janitor stood there in his blue uniform, taking the keys out of the door, and a very unhappy looking Hazel was there to see it all.
**Soo... What we thiiink? This was by far the most awkward chapter to write so far and I am so very... Face-palm-ing at myself for even thinking this up. Anyway, what we think of everything now? Tell me how this has made the universe make sense ! Yeaah I know it didn't. Its late. I'm A.D.D. y'all read up until now so i think you love me anyway ;) see ya soon my loves <3