I shot up disoriented and dazed. I felt like shit and didn't know where I was... wait no I know exactly where I am. Why am I here? I'm back at the school campus in my bed in my own room. Did I dream that all up? No there's no way. I couldn't have dreamt up the last 4 years. Am I dead? No, I doubt you're in this much pain when you're dead. I threw the covers off and saw that I was still in my dirty and blood clothes from the mission. My jacket was gone, but my shirt still had some blood soaked into it. Some of it was mine, but most of it was from my friends, from Eren. My leg was also in a splint now. Wait Eren. Where is Eren?
I dragged myself out of bed and fell straight on my face. Apparently, my leg is broken which explains the splint. I need to find him, I need to find the others. I need to know what happened. How we got here. If I lived then Eren did too right? I can't get my hopes up but at the same time, I just can't accept the possibility he didn't make it out. I don't even know who I'm alive. The rubble definitely came down on us. I mean that probably explains why my leg is broken, by why is the rest of me fine?
What exactly happened? I tried to run through it in my head as I crawled towards the door. Mom. She's gone. No, that was a dream, right? It felt too real. What is real and what was a dream? Mom dying, as much as I want to say that was a dream I'm pretty sure that was real.
Memories started flooding my brain. Everything we went through. Hassam, Mom, Nanaba, they're all gone. Xander, Quinn, Alastair they are injured. We lost so many people. Focus focus, what happened to Eren. I have to remember. Eren was holding up the rubble. He got shot because I let my guard down. He was bleeding. God, there was so much blood he was choking on it. I closed my eyes and tried to clear that thought away. Come on focus what happened after that. Let's see I held up the rubble but couldn't hold it for long. He proposed and I said yes, then he went unconscious. I fell unconscious soon after and the rubble came down. I felt it come down. I felt the pain in my leg before I fully blacked out. How did I live? If I lived and he didn't I will never forgive myself.
I managed to climb up the door and open it only to be dropped back down on my elbow and hand. I pushed away the pain and kept crawling. I didn't even know where I was heading. I just knew I couldn't stay in that room. I had to look for someone anyone who could tell me what the hell was going on. Where would everyone be? How many people did we end up losing? Someone has to be alive because they carried me here. Why are we at the school though? That's when I remembered my order to Hanji. Have Erwin open a portal here since home base was discovered.
"Oh shit, he's awake!" I heard someone yell from the other side of the hallway.
"I thought I told you to stay in there with him dipshit!"
The voices were familiar but my head was too rattled to place them. I couldn't turn around to see whose footsteps were coming closer.
"It's okay now," I heard Mikasa finally register. Connie was the person she was yelling at.
"Where's Eren?" I asked when she helped me to my feet. She made sure to carry most of my body weight since my other leg couldn't support me.
"Don't worry about that now, you need to lay down." That can't be good. People only say that when it's bad and they don't want you to panic. He didn't make it. It's all my fault. I got him killed because I let my guard down.
I tried to push her off of me. I didn't know where I wanted to go, I just needed to leave. The tears in my eyes blurred my vision as I struggled against her. There was no getting away.
"Hey calm down. What's wrong Levi?"
"Don't say that. He's not dead, he can't be dead." I pleaded with her like she had the power to change that. First mom now Eren. I was starting to spiral. I didn't even see it happen and now he's gone.
"Whoa whoa whoa, He's not, he's alive," she rushed out, "but don't worry about that, okay, we are taking care of both of you."
I stopped fighting against her and looked her dead in the eyes. Did I imagine that? Am I so desperate for him to be alive? It hurt to breathe at the moment I was breathing so fast my lungs felt they might explode. "He's alive?" I asked to make sure I wasn't just hearing things.
She nodded, "he's alive."
"Oh thank god," I felt my lungs fill with air as I practically collapsed in her arms, all of my adrenaline fading away. "Where is he? I need to see him."
"He's on the spare bed in Hanji's room so she can keep an eye on him, but he still hasn't woken up yet," Mikasa's voice was laced with concern and it made me question just how long I was out. I had assumed it was just for a few hours, but her concern is making me doubt that.
"How long was I unconscious?"
"Three days."
"I was out for three days?" I asked, making sure I heard her correctly.
"Yes, you and Eren both. A few others were out for a while too but most of them have woken up by now."
"We didn't lose anyone else did we?" I asked desperately for her to say no. I can't handle losing anyone else. We already lost so many.
"Actually we gained one," she said, sitting me back down on my bed. I didn't even notice she led me back to it. "Yesterday we went back to base camp, and by we I meant me. Erwin portaled me in and I made sure it was safe before anyone else joined. No one was there, but right outside I found Molbit."
"He lived?" I was a little relieved but this raised more questions for me than answers. How did they get mom but not him?
"He did, and he wanted to talk to you when you woke up. I'm sure you have some questions for him. He explained it all to us, but I think you'll want to hear it from him."
"I do." He was there. It's best to hear what he had to say rather than some weird game of telephone as people try and remember what he had said and miss some important details or can't answer certain questions.
"Just wait here I'll send him in."
"Wait, tell me what happened first." Right now my memories go blank where we should have died. I want to know what happened after that. What happened in the three days I've been unconscious. Everything.
"Later, it's a lot. All you need to know right now is we are safe, okay."
Well, safe is good. I can't complain about that. "Okay, but after that, I'm going to need help getting to Eren. If you won't help me then I'll crawl over to him."
"Alright, alright. No need for that, I'll help you get to him, just have Molbit grab me after you guys talk." She left the room and I was left sitting here staring at the walls. This room is both foreign and familiar. It feels like I've never been here before, but also as if I never left. The room was nearly empty. All that was left was some old books and other things we couldn't bring with us. All we had brought were things we needed. Any extra was left behind a room frozen in time. The last time I was in this room things were different, the world was different. Mom was here with me. She had helped me and Eren pack some last-minute things before we all headed out. I pulled my good knee up to my chest and hugged it tightly.
She is really gone, isn't she? Before we left I had made her a promise to do my best to come back to her safely, but I had never imagined she would be the one gone. "I kept my promise mom, I made it back safely," I said into the empty room. I don't even know if she's here with me, but I had to say to let her know if she is here watching over me.
I felt nothing. No hands-on my back, no comforting touches. Nothing. Guess she's not here. I closed my eyes and laid my head on my knee as I tried to stop the tears but it was nearly impossible. I heard a small thump and picked my head up. I looked at the door where I heard the sound come from. I think it may just be wishful thinking. That thump could have been someone in the halls, or Molbit trying to come in. Regardless I looked around the room hopeful to see something out of place. All I saw was my stuff from the base camp by the door, but that's something the others probably brought in.
I went to lay my head back down when I heard the tump again. I swear if someone is in the hallway I'm going to kill them. They are playing with me now. Mocking me. Before I could lay my head back down on my knee there was a knock at my door. It was a lot clearer than the thumping noise. I tried to say but my words died in my throat.
Molbit opened the door and peeked his head in, "Levi?" He asked. I think he realized why I didn't answer when he looked at me. I wanted to I just couldn't get any words to come out.
"Was there anyone in the hallway with you?" I forced myself to ask.
"No, why?"
"Did you trip or hit the walls at all while coming here?" I asked.
"No." He looked confused, but I just had to figure it out now. If it wasn't someone in the hallway and he didn't make those noises then maybe just maybe mom was here.
"Is there anything out of place?" I asked.
"What?" He looked around. I could tell I wasn't making any sense to him, but I can't explain it not now. I'm too focused on finding whatever made that noise.
"No, there's nothing I can s- oh wait," he said leaning down and grabbing something that looked like it was leaning up against the wall next to my things but just a little bit away.
"We put everything in everyone's bags earlier. This wouldn't be out normally unless you moved it. Is this what you're looking for?" He asked picking up the item and handing it to me.
When I looked at what I was holding my hands started shaking. "Mom," my voice cracked. She was here. This is the picture of Farlan and Isabel. There's a handprint on the glass that is too small for me or Molbit to have made. Was this her way of telling me that she's with them now? I just hugged the picture close and let everything go. I couldn't hold back anymore. I could tell Molbit wasn't sure what to do at first. He just wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. At least I thought he was the one rubbing my back but when I realized there were three hands on me I just cried harder.
It took me so long to stop crying I felt bad for Molbit. I know he was affected by my powers and I wanted to send him out of the room but I couldn't stop sobbing to tell him to leave. He stayed by my side until I couldn't cry anymore.
I was so tired now. I felt like a hollow shell propped up by a pillow and his arms. My eyes felt heavy and burned with how I rubbed them raw. My nose hurt too. I felt so cold and my body was still shaking a bit.
"Sorry," I finally croaked out with shattered vocal cords.
"Don't apologize. It's okay, this is probably the first time you've got to actually process and grief," he said looking at me. His eyes were just as red as mine. I didn't mean to make him cry or feel my grief but I can't help it.
"We can do this late if you-."
"No, I need to know what happened."
"Alright," he said before sitting back on the bed and letting me lean against him a little more. I had no strength in my body. I could barely hold my head up let alone the rest of my upper body. He leaned us back against the wall and let me lay my head on his shoulder. "We were at the base waiting for you all to come back when we heard footsteps downstairs."
"Mom thought you guys had come back but I said that you would have come through the common area. She said that Erwin might have been one of the people who didn't make it, or was injured and couldn't teleport you back so that's why you guys must be coming from one of the entrances. I had a gut feeling something was wrong. I knew it had been too soon for you guys to have been back. I mean it had already been over an hour, but it felt too early. Too easy."
"It wasn't us," I said before realizing he already knew that.
"It wasn't. I had already convinced her that, but all the exits were below us. There was no way out. Unless we went out a window. However, I knew pulling the boards off and breaking the window would make too much noise. I told her that she was going to jump out the window and I was going to give myself and act like I couldn't make it out the window in time. I was going to tell them that I was the only person there at the moment and while I had them distracted and checking the building she could slip away."
"We had started tearing the boards off and when I broke the window she shoved me out of it. It was too late for me to do anything. They saw her right after that as she pretended to get caught. I couldn't hear much, but what I did here was she gave herself up and went willingly. I wanted to chase after them, but that would make her sacrifice go to waste."
"She didn't want you dying for her," I felt myself whisper. "That sounds like her. She's stubborn." I let out a soft little chuckle as the pain in my chest grew. Of course, she was stubborn even in her dying moments she stared down the camera on her and told us to keep fighting.
"You're not mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad at you?" I asked. Was that what he was worried about? That he lived and she didn't. It's not his fault. She's stubborn and there is no way she would let anyone take a bullet for her. It's not his fault it's theirs for killing her.
"If anything I'm a little mad at her for being stubborn, but she knows I can never stay mad at her," I said looking back down at the picture that was still in my hands. I know she hears me. I know she knows I'm not really mad, but just frustrated. Frustrated that she's gone, frustrated that we didn't hide them before we left. We were originally going to put them behind the fake wall we made, but we decided against it in case we couldn't make it back. We didn't want them to be trapped there with no way out. We could have had them leave they had no need to stay. We were the ones with the targets on our back not them and we dragged them down with us.
"At the end of the day, it's no one's fault except the people who pulled the trigger." I thought I would have a lot of questions for him, but in the end, everything made sense. I was only left with one.
"Why did you wait by the base? You could have just left."
"I knew you guys would be back."
"It had been days at that point you didn't think we had just failed?"
"I had hoped you guys would come back. I figured you guys had already known the base was compromised and that when you thought it was safe you would come back. I mean your stuff was still there so I had hoped someone would come back."
I wanted to ask him why. He could have just walked away. Pretended like nothing ever happened. Why did he come with us, to begin with? It's not like any of this affected him. I already knew the answer, but I couldn't help the thoughts that kept persistently nagging me to ask. It's the same reason mom came with us, and the only reason I want to ask him is because I want to ask mom why she stayed. If she didn't she'd still be alive.
"Can you get Mikasa?" is all I asked. I didn't want to go down the rabbit hole of what-if questions. What's done is done, there's no going back, there's no bringing her back, bringing any of them back. This is it, this is how it ended. I just hope this wasn't all for nothing. The mission failed, but Quinn and the others seemed hopeful that even though the mission ended we still might have won. I hope they're right because I don't have another fight in me.
"Of course," he said, patting me on the back. When he left I couldn't help but just look at the picture.
"Why am I alive right now?" I asked. That was still the one thing bugging me. I didn't have much time to read Mikasa's thoughts through my own spiraling ones. It was the one thing that didn't make sense. The rubble should have crushed me. Should have crushed both me and Eren, but we are both still here. I felt a hand on my back again. I wish I knew what she meant by it. Was she trying to comfort me? Tell me something? I'll never fucking know because the one person who could actually talk to the dead also died.
I know what Ymir meant now. When Reiner died she said she wanted to wait before people knew if the person was here because if not they wouldn't grief properly. I guess with her around death never really felt permanent until now. I mean yeah it didn't feel good, but there was still a chance we could talk and we could understand, but now that's gone. They are gone. The only reason I know that someone's touching me and that it isn't just a weird cold spot, or my shirt putting pressure on my skin is because she told me. Hell, I don't even know if mom is putting a hand on me or if I'm imagining it now.
"Ready?" Mikasa asked, poking her head in the room.
"Yeah," I said, moving my arm towards her so she could help me up. She wrapped my arm around the back of her neck and her arm around my waist. God, I barely had the energy to sit up a moment ago, but now I have the energy to stand and walk. I think it's just because I know I'm about to see Eren.
"Do you want me to carry that? It will be easier for you to walk if I do?" she offered. I didn't want to let go of the picture, but she was right. I needed my hand to help support myself by leaning against the walls. I didn't want to break it. I nodded and handed it over to her.
"How did we live?" I finally asked her.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean Eren and I should both be dead right now. That rubble should have killed us."
"But you were holding it up when we got you guys out."
"No I wasn't, I was unconscious."
Mikasa paused for a moment. "You, you were unconscious," she said as if she was trying to remember. "That's right you were both unconscious."
"I felt the rubble come down on us. It landed on my leg," I gestured down at the broken leg. "Why didn't it kill us?" I don't mean to sound ungrateful to be alive, but I'm just confused.
"I don't know. Hanji and I just assumed you were holding it up still. It wasn't that far off of you guys. At first, we thought it did crush you, but when we found you it was just barely above you, no more than an inch or two. It was just floating there. It wasn't Eren's power cause the weight of it all was definitely still there."
"It wasn't me," I said before trying to think back. Who was near us? It was just us two wasn't it?" That's when I remembered how there was that same faint hand ghosting over my back before the rubble got just a bit lighter. It was easier to hold up. "Mom." Is that what she was trying to tell me just now when I asked. That she did it?
I felt a hand on my shoulder and then two more next to it. If I had any tears left to cry I would have broken down any more. Farlan and Isabel helped her. I wonder how many others helped. I'm sure the three of them couldn't have done it alone. Reiner, Ymir, Nanaba, Hassam. All of them, they were probably all there helping.
"I see," I whispered. "Thank you."
"I don't follow," Mikasa shook her head.
"I'll explain later," I said, trying to breathe normally, just because no tears were coming out didn't stop my body from trying anyway. "I just need to see Eren right now."
"Alright." Mikasa nodded as we resumed walking down the hallways. When we finally made it to Hanji's room all of my energy had been zapped away. Who knew walking with a broken leg would be such a workout.
Mikasa knocked on the door and we heard a very faint "come in." When we walked in Hanji looked like she had been through hell. The bags under her eyes made it look like she had been punched in both eyes. Her cheeks were sunken in. She looked like she could barely stand.
"Thank god you're awake," she said, giving me a weak smile.
"Are you okay you look-."
"Like shit, I'm aware," she laughed. "I'm the only healer so I've been running my power down to the bone. Damn near killed myself when we pulled you and Eren out of the rubble. Eren was on death's door, but I got to him just in time. I had managed to stop his bleeding before blacking out myself.
"I owe you my life for that," I said, hobbling over to her to give her a hug.
"Just promise me I will get a front-row seat to your wedding," she said, giving me a smile.
"Done." I laughed.
"Sorry, I haven't gotten to your leg just yet, it's been a long few days."
"Don't even worry about it. I don't care if I have to go through the whole healing process just make sure you're taking care of yourself too."
"Don't worry Erwin and Molbit have already gotten on my ass. They are making sure I'm not healing another person for at least a week."
"Good."
"Levi?" I heard a hoarse voice behind me and whipped my head around so fast I nearly passed out from the head rush.
"Eren."
"We lived? Or are we both dead?" His eyes weren't even open yet.
"We lived."
"Good," I felt him slip back under and couldn't tell if I wanted to laugh because he only woke up because he heard my voice or just cuddled up next to him and never let go.
Mikasa helped me over to him and I laid down on the bed next to him being careful, not sure where his injuries were.
"Can you fill me in now on what happened? I mean I know how you found us, but what happened next? How did we get back here? What happened in the last three days?"
"It's a long story," Mikasa said and I shook my head.
"I don't care, I want to hear it."
"Alright then." Mikasa sat down, "get comfy this is going to take a while."
I pulled Eren a little closer to me, "I've never been more comfortable."
"Well, after I held the rubble up and Hanji pulled you two out. We rushed you two back through the portal. Hanji got to work on Eren and she told me to make sure you stay breathing. After Hanji passed out we got everyone situated. I made sure someone stayed with you until Hanji could look you over. Everyone else was checked out too. Hanji healed the most severely injured when she woke up two hours later and left the others for later."
"Xander and Quinn almost died, but I managed to get to them just in time. They had bled so much but apparently, Seraphina was able to help by controlling their blood flows to help them hold out a little longer for me," Hanji said with a nod. "They are both okay now."
"We have a few permanent injuries," Mikasa said before looking at Hanji to explain.
"Marco, Hitch, Amalia, and Mike," Hanji said and I stared at her waiting for her to explain more. "Mike is practically deaf from his eardrums being blown out twice in the same day. Hitch has no feeling in her body anywhere. I think the glass in her back shredded her nerves and hit her spinal cord a little. Amalia can't move her arms very much because the scar tissue from third-degree burns is causing her some mobility issues. Lastly, Marco is paralyzed from the waist down. Some of the rubble crushed his spine. Everyone else seems to be healing just fine."
"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath trying to process all of that. "What else happened?" I asked, trying to ignore it for now. I can process it later. I need to know what happened.
"Well, we won," Mikasa said, looking at me. "The mission failed, but that didn't matter. Apparently, the government blowing up its own civilians in their homes and gunning down a bunch of civilians didn't sit right with the rest of the country. Riots popped up everywhere more than ever. The numbers were now on our side. They couldn't stop everyone from taking over all the official buildings and forcibly overthrowing the government. After our fight we didn't have to lift a finger. The people did the work for us. Some other groups helped them."
"Even the people who didn't care before because it was just a bunch of exiles suddenly started caring when they saw people just like them being gunned down everywhere," Hanji said.
"Wait so it's over?"
"It's over."
I think out of all the things I've heard in the last two hours this one was the most jarring and would take the longest to process. Four years of our lives fighting and it's finally over.
"Eren's face was all over the internet again," Hanji said, pulling me from my thoughts. "One of the moving videos that were shared around was Eren desperately holding up the rubble trying to get the civilians out. When the civilians were out and running towards us two of them were shot. One killed, one badly injured."
Mikasa picked up where Hanji left off. "Eren nearly killing himself trying to save the citizens that had nothing to do with this war while their government was actively trying to shoot them was a powerful message that showed everyone we weren't their enemies."
"Enough of this though, we will fill you in on the rest later. We went over the most important stuff, but right now you need to rest, both of you," Mikasa said, pointing to both me and Hanji. "You both look like you'll drop any second." Mikasa handed back the picture I had handed her. "Now get some sleep."
She walked out of the room and turned off the light behind her. Hanji jumped in her bed and looked over at me before smiling. "Goodnight, sleep well."
I did. For the first time in 4 years, I slept without a worry in the world. Knowing we were finally safe, that everyone's deaths weren't in vain, I finally slept peacefully with Eren in my arms and the picture laying right on the floor next to the bed.