Bella's Bedroom (10:15 PM) (505 East 74th Street) (Kat's Perspective)
The squad and I had spent 2 hours trying to locate Bella. Olivia managed to find her at a boba shop in Downtown Brooklyn. What in the world was she doing over there? It's not like Bella to run off to a completely different borough. Elliot and Olivia just finished trying to get Bella to say who she was with, she didn't budge.
"Bellz. It's Kitty Kat." I said while sitting on her bed. She sniffled and I laid down next to her.
"Bella, I haven't known you as long as you've known Fin and Amanda, but I know that you'd never run off without a reason. Is that true?" She nodded.
"Can I ask why you did that?"
"I can't tell anybody." I noticed some scratches on her arm.
"You were with someone, weren't you?"
"For a little while, then I went to Brooklyn." I extended her arm.
"Did they do this?" She began to cry again.
"Please, can you stop talking about them?" I got a few bandaids for her cuts and sighed.
"Unlike your parents and your Aunty and Uncle, I'm not leaving here until I know you're okay."
"Then maybe you'll have to wait forever. I'm not talking about what happened."
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Mount Sinai Adolescent Center (Sunday, April 17th) (9:45 AM) (Bella's Perspective)
So, yesterday was possibly one of the worst days of my life and now I'm at therapy. Awesome. I don't want to be here, I'm not saying a single word.
"Bella, you've been making outstanding progress these past couple of months-"
"Don't care."
"You what?" Elliot asked angrily.
"I don't care." Mom whispered to him to calm down and Dr. Johansson wrote on a piece of paper.
"Bella, I can tell that you're upset. How about you explain your feelings to us? We can roleplay if you want."
"No." I can't tell Mom and Dad that I met Maria. They hate her guts, and I mean I totally get why because I hate her even more now too, but I also feel a little bit bad. I-I don't know. You know what? No! I hate her and I don't want to tell Mom and Dad because they're going to do the most and I don't want to have to deal with any of this! I don't want to hear her name or see her face ever again. So I'll never talk about yesterday evening. As I battled with myself internally, externally I was crying like crazy. I couldn't stop shaking and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Bella, look at me, baby girl. Look at me." Elliot wiped my tears.
"Whatever happened within those three hours clearly hurt you, let us help, please. You'll start to feel better once you open up."
"But you're going to get mad at me. I know you're going to say you won't, but all parents say that when they want to learn the truth."
"Okay...so Bella, what is it going to take for you to be open with us?" Mom asked.
"For you to not lie to me. I'm tired of being lied to, I'm tired of the code words, and the hushing of conversation whenever I come around."
"We'll be straight with you, Bella."
"Thank you." I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.
"Am I in trouble?"
"At the current moment, no. Unless you've done something that warrants it. We're not going to punish you for this because it's clear that something happened, am I correct?" I nodded. Dr. Johansson said I had the floor and I began to speak. My parents weren't allowed to say a word until I finished.
"After I hung out with my friends, I decided to meet...a person because I had some questions to ask. I secretly went and met up with this person at the park and I learned that my mother was raped and that's how I was...conceived. I was really upset so I went to Buddy's and I didn't tell anyone where I was." I kept it short, vague, and sweet.
"Who was this person?" Dr.Johansson asked.
"I can't say." I said quietly. She asked Mom and El to leave and I knew it wasn't going to go down well.
"Bella, it's just us. You can be honest sweetie."
"I'm afraid I can't. I've said too much already."
"Bella for us to properly talk about the fact that you're a product of rape and the feelings you have surrounding that I need to know who told you. Whoever told you had no right to do so, and you should not be protecting them."
"I'm not protecting anybody, I just don't want to say their name."
"Would you like to write it down?" I shook my head.
"I want my Mom." She came back into the room and hugged me.
"Bella, by now I think you understand that you shouldn't allow anyone to silence you. If you have to hide it from Elliot and me, it's bad, and you should tell us."
"I'm not being silenced. I'm choosing not to say anything."
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Home (Tuesday, April 19th) (Olivia's Perspective)
I looked all over Bella's room, hoping that I could find something that'd explain why she did what she did. She's been extremely mute the past 3 days and stays in her room for suspiciously long intervals of time. I looked through her closet, in between her clothes, nothing. I looked through her bookshelf and in between her favorite books, nothing. Either she isn't hiding anything relating to the incident Saturday or she's hiding it where she thinks I wouldn't see. I need to read Bella's diary. I can't get her phone but if I could get her diary I might be able to understand this situation better. I have my suspicions about who Bella met. I was thinking about it being her Aunt Tia, but then again, Tia would never tell Bella such sensitive information without giving me a heads up. But then again, her mother has been pushing to see Bella more. What if it's Denise?
"Who could it be? Who would cause Bella to regress this much??" I checked her toiletry cabinet and saw her diary. I guess I'll know soon.
Dear Diary,
Ever since I found out the truth, my view of the world changed. I feel as if I can't take anything for granted because my mother never intended to bring me into this world. I guess I should tell them who I met up with. But I'm kind of scared to do so, because what will happen if I say something? Mom and Dad will probably be so angry and disappointed in me and then they might do something to them and go overboard. That's the last thing I want. Also, I'm kind of scared of myself...I don't know how to explain it. But I injured myself Saturday...on purpose and I don't know what to do. After I learned everything I began scratching my arm because I was so angry. Before I knew it my arm went from having red scratch marks to having bleeding cuts. I've been wearing sweaters and long sleeves to cover it up, but I'm worried that Mom and Dad might find out. It was the only way that I could release my feelings and feel like I had control over something.
I was shocked. This is serious. Bella is harming herself. I tried to hold back my tears. I feel like an awful parent. My daughter hid this for days and I couldn't pick up on it. What is wrong with me? What kind of a mother am I? I put the diary away and sat on Bella's bed. We would have to talk as soon as she came home.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Half an hour later
"Oh...Hi Mom." Bella put down her dance bag and took out her homework.
"Hey, baby! How was school my sweetest pea?"
"It was okay, actually." She had the most genuine smile on her face.
"I had lunch with Leah and Jake, and I played some volleyball."
"That sounds awesome!" I was fighting back the tears. My baby...
"Bell, Bell. Is it okay if I talk to you?" She nodded.
"Is there a reason why you won't tell anyone who you met up with? Did they threaten you?"
"They didn't threaten me. I just don't want to cause a fuss and I feel bad already."
"About what?"
"I cussed them out. They deserved it..but it was very mean of me. Not only that, I was the one that asked to meet them. I just don't want any problems, Mom. It's better if you don't know."
"Bella, I'm not upset that you went to go ask questions about your history if that's why you don't want to tell me. But I need to ask them why they thought it was okay to tell you this information, knowing what you've been through. I am here to protect you and I only want the best for you baby so don't worry about any trouble. I'll handle it. When have I ever let you down?"
"When you didn't bring me those cookies I begged for when I was 5 years old." I laughed.
"Besides that, baby girl?"
"Never. You've always been there for me. And, no matter what has happened, from me being bullied in school to being molested a couple of years ago, you've always handled everything. And you always put on a brave face. Thank you, Mama."
"You're welcome, sweetheart. I love you so much."
"I love you even more." I kissed Bella as I braced myself for what I was about to say.
"Bell, I'm about to do the laundry can you hand me your sweater so that I could wash it? You've been wearing that for a while."
"It's okay, I'll wash it later."
"Come on, when do I ever offer to do your laundry for you these days?" Bella began to look down and her eyes began to water.
"What's wrong honey?" She began to cry and I held her. I feel horrible for doing this.
"I'm ashamed of myself."
"Why? Honey, whatever it is, I can assure you that I won't judge. Is it under your sweater?"
"Yeah."
"It isn't a tattoo, is it?"
"No! It's nothing like that. Can you turn around please?" How bad are those cuts? I heard the ruffling of her sweater and I turned back around to see bandaids littering her arms.
"Oh, sweet pea...."
"I did this... After the person told me everything I got so upset and I just began to scratch myself until I turned red. But, my arms turning red wasn't enough so I scratched until there was blood. Are you mad at me?" I looked at the cuts and they weren't too deep, but they were concerning, I'm just glad they're healing.
"Mom?"
"No honey, I'm just very concerned. Bella, I think we need to find some healthier ways to tackle your emotions. This is not the way to go about it, you can seriously hurt yourself by scratching yourself to this point baby. Bella, your body is your temple. It is very, very sacred. Just as I tell you to not let anyone disrespect it by injuring it or by engaging in things that you shouldn't be at this age, you shouldn't disrespect it either. You need to be kinder to yourself Bella. You've been through so much and you've bounced back every time! Do you know how much strength that takes?? You're the strongest young lady I know."
"Do you really mean that?!"
"Yes, I do. I really do." She blushed.
"Then what should I do? To bounce back."
"First, you can be fully honest at therapy tomorrow and communicate how you're feeling. What makes you happy Bella?"
"Mom, you already know." She said with a smile.
"No, I don't. Tell me."
"Well, I love baking and cooking! It makes me happy. I love decorating cakes and making empanadas."
"Look, that's one thing you could do to curb those feelings. What else?"
"Sometimes when I'm a bit down, doing crafts and playing with Leia is fun. She's so bubbly and funny, that all the bad feelings just melt away.
"Okay, so spending time with Leia is another thing. What else?"
"I love to do miniature paintings and talk to you."
"See, you have so many outlets for those feelings. Use them! I understand that it's difficult, but if you put in the effort, I promise you that you can go far, okay?" She nodded.
"My sweet pea."
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Kat's Apartment (Wednesday, April 20th) (2:45 PM) (Bella's Perspective)
"I only have honey buns, I hope that's okay."
"That's alright, thank you." I took a bite before starting my Latin homework.
"Is Latin tricky?"
"Kind of, but it's so beautiful in a way. It's the source of a lot of words we use today." Kat smiled.
"Right. Your arm seems to be healing pretty well. Does it still hurt?" I continued to write and Kat stared at me.
"Don't ignore me, Bella."
"I can if I want to. I'm fine."
"No, you're not fine and you know that. Bella, you're going to continue to be in pain unless you tell the full story." I sighed.
"Look, it was just someone I'm related to. She- They didn't cause me any harm. We just talked and I didn't like how it went. You could just leave the entire situation alone now."
"Who is she?"
"Nobody important, look forget that I said that. I lied." Kat raised her eyebrows.
"No, I think you were telling the truth there." We both looked at each other before I stared down at my honey bun. I need to learn how to keep my big mouth shut.
To be continued~