"Answers?" Pixis repeated. His tone asking us what the hell we meant by that.
We just nodded and I pulled out the newspaper and magazine handing them to him. He looked down at it confused before looking back up at me for an explanation of what he was looking at.
"Well, the whole debate about killing and morals stuck up a few questions that no one could answer, so I decided to go and get answers for myself. Ymir caught me and when I explained she said she wanted answers too."
"I also wanted to make sure he didn't get himself killed," she added.
"Yeah, that too," I mumbled before continuing. "My main question was why wasn't the other side struggling with morality. I mean out enemies have no problem killing us, and normal civilians have no problem turning a blind eye to it. I wanted to know why that was."
"It's because they are monsters," Berthold cut me off. He was angry for a multitude of reasons. He was pissed that I was trying to humanize the other side by trying to see why. He didn't care why all he wanted was revenge, but surprisingly enough what pissed him off even more than that was that we risked our lives to get information he deemed worthless. He was absolutely livid because he thought he might lose us as well.
Pixis just put his hand up to silence him before nodding for us to continue. The glare has left his eyes and was replaced with curiosity as he waited to judge us on our explanation.
"I figured that the government had been brainwashing and manipulating people through lies and fear-mongering, but thinking that it's happening and knowing are two different things. I had to be sure. On top of that, I also had to figure out what exactly they were saying that would make everyone see us as less than human to the point where they don't even bat an eye at our deaths."
"What did you find?" He finally asked his tone was unreadable but he waited patiently for us to continue.
"Well in the newspaper we found a false article that talked about heinous crimes we didn't commit. They said we were killing guards and leaving their heads on wooden stakes as well as murdering innocent civilians."
"In the magazine, it has a bunch of politicians' names in it too where it was talking about a curfew put in place for civilian safety," Ymir said.
"We thought that we could maybe do research into these people and see if they are some of the ones spreading the lies?" I added on to her statement before remembering the news broadcast. "Oh, and on the news, they flipped the narrative of what happened last night. They said that the guards were doing a routine patrol and got ambushed before playing the sympathy card by bringing up the guards' families."
"They made it seem like it was a good thing that one of us got killed." Ymir gritted her teeth as she remembered what they were saying, her rage coming back.
"They also seemed like there was way more of us there than there actually was," I said
"That's just what we were able to figure out in a few hours, but I really think Levi was onto something with this. I mean this information has to be helpful right?" Ymir asked Pixis, trying to look him in the eyes.
"I will admit this information could be useful," he said and I watched as everyone else turned and glared at him. "But," he said looking at everyone reassuring them that he wasn't done, "you shouldn't have left without telling anyone. You should have-."
"We should have what?" I asked standing my ground. I know we are in deep shit and talking back probably will make things worse, but I couldn't help but do so I know damn well where he is going with this and if we would have done what he is asking they would have shot us down. "Asked permission? We all know damn well if we did you would have said no. So what? What exactly should we have done?"
"That's not- if you would have explained-." he started and I cut him off again.
"Don't even finish that sentence again we know damn well even if we had the most thought out plan and a whole team prepared you would have shot us down without listening saying it was too soon or that we needed time to grieve. Well everyone grieves differently, and my way of grieving was trying to figure out why exactly my friend died and no one batted an eye while it happened. This information was my closure. It's what I needed to be able to handle all of this. His death, the whole morality debate, everything."
Pixis just stood there staring at me he was still trying to find a way to argue against us and I just couldn't care less anymore. "Just take the damn information and make some use out of it I'm done going in circles with you," I finally said before marching right past him and heading to my room. Ymir tailing after me with her head down and her tail between her legs not wanting to be left there with him after my outburst.
We both walked into my room and before I could ask her why she followed me in here she started talking, "you just yelled at Pixis. Man, we are really screwed now. I'm too scared to go out there alone."
There was a knock at the door and I had had enough with everyone right now. "Unless it's Eren go the hell away," I yelled before sitting on the bed. I can't exactly kick Eren out since this is his room too, even though he would probably have a few choice words for me too.
Despite my demand mom walked in anyway. "Is that any way to talk to your mother?" she asked a little offended.
"Depends, are you going to lecture me?" I asked.
"Well yes, it's my job, but I will say first I don't think what you did was fully wrong. You definitely were right when you said if you asked everyone would have said no." She said walking closed before mentally asking if she could sit down next to me. I nodded and she called Ymir over to sit down too.
She wrapped her arms around both of us and I knew it was half because she was worried about us and was just happy we came home, the other half was so that we couldn't escape as she tried to lecture us.
"Even though I think you guys were right not to ask first I still think you guys could have gone about this differently. Maybe instead of asking permission from Pixis, you could have just made sure more people knew where you were. I mean I know you two aren't the only reckless ones around here," she said and I shrugged she had a point there. "You could have asked them to be back up for you or at least let them know where you were going so if something did go wrong they could tell us where you were."
Even though mom was acting very calm about this I could tell she was furious. She was so angry and just downright hurt that we didn't trust her enough to tell her where we were going. She was furious that we would put ourselves in that much danger with no backup plan, without telling anyone. She would be even more furious if she realized that not only did we not have a backup plan but we didn't have a plan period.
She was keeping a level head because she knew we didn't need to be yelled at she knew that it would only do more harm than good to yell at us especially after seeing my outburst with Pixis. I will be the first to admit I'm not the most stable person at the moment and the last thing she wanted was to set me off. All I do is shove my emotions down until they explode and I'm slowly getting to my breaking point.
"If there is a next time we will be sure to do that," I said more sarcastically than anything knowing damn well if we tried to pull this shit again she might actually kill us.
She didn't even bother replying to my sarcastic remark she just smacks us both upside the head. "That was for worrying me," she said before wrapping her arms back around us and giving us a tight hug. "And this is because I'm glad you're both okay."
"Now Ymir, Christa wants to see you," she said, letting go of her giving her and out.
"I think I would rather stay in here," Ymir whispered.
"No you don't," I said back knowing full well that the second she left mom was going to go off on me one way or another. "But then again I might like it if you stayed," I said and she figured out what was about to happen.
"Oh." She just walked out of the room without another word.
The room fell silent and I felt all sorts of emotions coming from mom to the point where I couldn't tell what she was about to do. All of a sudden I heard her sniffle and realized that she was crying. "Don't you ever do that again," she said her eyes looking into mine. They held more fear than anger, "I was so scared when they told me you weren't in the building. I thought- I thought I had lost you too," her voice came out as a forced whisper. "I can't lose you too."
"Mom-."
"Don't get me wrong I love everyone here, but you. You're my kid," she said desperately. "I've known you since you were little. You're all I have left I can't lose you." she said her voice breaking as she pulled me close she just kept muttering "I can't lose you."
"I'm not going anywhere." I finally forced out. "No matter what missions I go on I'll always come back. I won't make you feel that pain again," I said rubbing her back.
"Good. Remember what I said, you know I am fully serious when I say if you ever get killed on a mission I will go there myself and kill everyone or die trying," she said with such fury in her voice that I knew she did mean it.
"I know." I waited until she calmed down before I told her everything we did so she knew we weren't really in danger. I even told her how Ymir had to act all ditzy and she got a laugh out of it before swearing she wouldn't tell Ymir I told her.
After we finished talking she let me know that she would talk to Pixis and make sure he isn't too mad about everything, not that he actually seemed that mad, to begin with to our surprise.
"I hope he doesn't expect an apology cause I'm not sorry and I'm not going to pretend like I am."
"I'm not going to make you apologize, especially since I agree with your logic, however, I do think you should talk to him and try and be civil he is only just trying to look after you all the best he can."
"I know he is but sometimes he needs to back off a little," I mumbled. Mom didn't bother arguing with me she just gave me a pat on the head and headed out to talk to them. When she left I saw Eren walk in and I knew I was in deep shit once again.