Mom and I sat there for a little while longer until Jean came looking for me telling me that Eren was threatening to come look for me himself. I thanked mom for talking with me before walking back to my room with Jean.
Walking into the room I expected tears and sobs, but instead, I walked into a somber and quiet room. Marco and Eren were just staring off into space. Jean even looked out of it. No one seemed to be breaking down just yet, but I could tell they were all just shoving their emotions aside. It's not that they weren't sad, it's just that they were still trying to process everything that had happened today. I can't really blame them it was a lot to take in all at once,
"We should get some sleep," I suggested. No one argued everyone just crawled into bed and silently agreed. It felt weird that there were no protests about my suggestion, but I didn't question it. I just climbed into bed and pulled Eren close to me before closing my eyes.
Everyone's thoughts were pretty much the same including mine. If I wake up tomorrow maybe all of this will just go away maybe this is just a horrible nightmare. We all knew it was reality but we couldn't stop ourselves from begging whatever higher beings to make it all go away.
I knew what I had to do in the morning. I had to track down Molbit and Auruo and get information about what they are saying about us. Things aren't adding up. How can anyone look at another person and see them as less than human to the point where they have no trouble killing them... hell even take pleasure in it. Not just anyone, but multiple people, countless people are believing whatever they are telling them. Even ordinary people who aren't exactly killing us but don't even bat an eye when we get killed in front of them. How can people be this cruel without reason? There has to be a reason and I'm going to find out what it is.
I don't know why I'm so hellbent on finding out what they are saying about us. I doubt knowing will even change anything but it doesn't matter. I need to figure out what makes people throw aside their morals and kill without mercy. I need to figure it out before our side ends up doing the same thing. Whether we like it or not they are still people too. People with friends and families.
Killing is wrong no matter which side is doing it, but I would be a hypocrite to say that I haven't thought about it. I mean who am I fooling when Ilsa was killed I wanted nothing more than to go back and make that bastard pay. When Eren was shot it took everything I had not to kill them right then and there.
I just shoved the rest of my thoughts out of my head. I needed to get my rest sitting here debating myself in my head about if my choice was right or wrong isn't going to help. What I need is answers, after I get those answers then maybe just maybe this debate might be easier.
I let my body relax and let sleep come over me but not before pulling Eren just a little closer to me. Pixis is right, no matter what happens, no matter what is decided we are all staying together.
The morning came quicker than I thought. I knew it was only a few hours away when we laid down, but when it was time to get up it was still a hard task. I sat up seeing everyone still sleeping. I had to force myself to get out of bed. Sadly when I woke up I remembered everything and that it wasn't just a nightmare. I quietly got dressed and headed out of the room to hunt down Auruo and Molbit to see if they had the answers to my questions.
On the way I bumped into mom who had told me that both Mina and Erwin had woken up. "Has anyone told them yet?"
I asked and her face dropped. "We told Mina, but not Erwin. He's still very weak and we don't want to stress him out. Hanji said stress wouldn't be good for him right now."
I just nodded and thanked her for telling me before heading to find Auruo and Molbit. I found Auruo with Petra in the common area. They were both silently staring at the food on their plate that remained untouched. When I realized they would be there for a while I went to look for Molbit. I found him sitting in the corner of his room with his head in his hands. He looked like he was really struggling. I didn't know if I should even ask him the questions anymore all I knew was I needed to get him out of this mindset. He's blaming himself.
I just walked in and sat down beside him. He didn't even notice I was there for the first few minutes. I didn't know how to snap him out of it without startling him. I just sat there and listened to his spiraling thoughts hoping I would be able to help if I knew more about what he was going through.
He also seemed conflicted with his vote since he only voted on the side of killing because he thought he owed Berthold after getting Reiner killed. I finally took a deep breath and reached my hand out for his shoulder. I heard someone else's thoughts in the doorway and paused. I looked up and saw Rico standing there; she just shook her head and thought to me, I'll take care of him.
I just nodded and stood up and headed out the door. I paused turning back and peeking my head in curious about how she was going to go about this. I watched as she walked over and sat next to him before lightly whispering his name, "hey Molbit."
"Rico?" he asked, picking his head up and wiping his tears away.
"It happened, my worst-case scenario came true and it's all my fault," he blurted out.
"Hey it's not your fault, listen, I know you might feel that way because you gave them the information, but from what I heard you told them everything was a trap from the start. They knew what they were walking into. From what I heard from Berthold, Reiner knew he wasn't coming back. None of it is your fault okay."
Wow, she's pretty good at that. I walked away letting them have their privacy as I went back to find Auruo. Hopefully, he will have the answers I need. I don't think Molbit is in any place to help me. He needs to worry about his grief and healing process before helping me with my stupid requests.
I walked back to where Auruo was sitting and asked if I could talk to him alone for a little while. He looked happy to finally have a distraction from his thoughts as he walked me to his office. We took a seat and he wasted no time asking me what was on my mind."
"Well, after the discussion last night I started thinking," I said and I watched as fear flashed across his face. His thoughts going back to the voting and the outcome.
"Oh," he mumbled not knowing where this conversation was heading. He was trying not to let his thoughts show but one of the ones I managed to hear was that he was afraid that I was going to try and convince him to change his vote.
"I mean, after thinking about it I can see both sides of the argument," I said continuing on hoping to ease some of his worries as I went. "The more I think about it the fewer things make sense though. I mean how can they just kill us without any hesitation or remorse. I mean I could understand if it was just a few outliers, but with as many people's minds that I've read on missions they are the majority."
He looked less worried and more confused about where I was going with this. "What do you mean?" he asked trying to figure out exactly where I was going with this topic.
"Well, I was wondering do you know what propaganda they are spreading?"
"Um, I mean at this point it's what propaganda aren't they spreading," he sighed, "If you are looking for more specific examples I can't really help you. I tend to ignore them and tune them out. Molbit might be able to tell you better than I can," he suggested.
"Okay thanks anyway," I said knowing damn well Molbit was out of the question. I left the room and thought that I should just give up now that was until a thought crossed my mind. Everyone thinks Eren is the reckless one in our relationship, but I swear if they heard even half of my ideas then they would definitely change their mind.
"Am I really going to do this?" I asked myself.
"Do what?" I heard a voice behind me ask. Shit.
"Hey Ymir," I said, letting out a nervous laugh.
"You're planning on doing something stupid aren't you?" She called me out right away.
"No, what makes you say that," I said awkwardly.
"You're a horrible liar."
"Okay just a little, don't tell anyone."
"Depends on what you are planning on doing," she said.
"If I tell you you will try and stop me."
She let out a deep sigh before putting her pinky out to me, "I pinky promise I won't tell on you, but only if I can join you."
"You don't even know what I'm doing?" I asked, a little confused about what she was trying to do.
"Yeah well someone has to make sure you don't get yourself killed."
I just stared at her pinky. Is putting her life in danger really worth it. I mean I'm doing this for answers I know what I'm getting myself into. I know damn well that doing this can get me killed, but am I really going to risk someone else's life for answers? Not only that but I'm risking everyone's life here.
"Hurry up my arms getting tired," she groaned.
"Fine," I said hooking our pinkies together. She leaned forward and bit her thumb waiting for me to do the same. I just rolled my eyes and did it. "Happy?" I asked.
"Yes, now tell me what I just signed up for."
"We are going to sneak out of here and wander around out there until I get the answers I'm looking for," I asked knowing damn well that this could get us killed. I waited for her to yell at me or back out, but she just let out a sigh.
"Alright, when are we leaving?" she asked.
"Now," I said and she looked around making sure the hallways were empty. "How do we plan on sneaking out with people watching every entrance? Or did you just forget we have lookouts now?"
"I didn't forget, I just haven't planned that far ahead yet," I mumbled. "Not to mention we have to be extra careful entering and exiting cause if we get spotted leaving or entering this building we could endanger everyone here."
"Great," she mumbled. "I forgot about that."
"Well, you still up for this?" I asked making sure there were no cold feet now.
"A pinky promise is a pinky promise," she nodded.