I opened my eyes feeling overwhelming sadness and relief. I looked around just knowing that these feelings weren't my own. I saw mom standing by the side of our bed with her eyes close humming quietly. That's when I noticed Levi who was clinging to her as if his life depended on it. His sobs were silent but I could see him shaking and hear his uneven and jagged breathing.
"I was so scared I was going to lose him, lose all of them," he whispered out.
"I know, but you have to remember you didn't, they are still here." I heard her remind him.
I felt a finger lightly tap my arm on the other side of me and looked to the side to see both Jean and Marco had woken up. It seems that none of us wanted to bug them. I had to hold myself back from sitting up and wrapping my arms around him and just comforting him. I knew he needed to let it all out.
"For how long?" His voice sounded so desperate, "the other's still haven't woken up, we don't even know if they will."
"Don't say that-" mom cut him off but he kept going.
"Even if they do what if it happens again? Who's to say that on our next mission that someone else won't get hurt or killed. We already lost Ilsa, I can't lose anyone else, especially not him."
"I know hun I know."
I couldn't hold back any longer. I forced myself to sit up and put a hand on his back. His head whipped around. "You shouldn't be sitting up," he said, instantly trying to pretend that nothing was wrong and instantly jumping into taking care of me.
I ignored him and wrapped my arms around him. "You won't lose me. You know damn well I'm too stubborn to die."
"Yeah he may be a reckless asshole, but he's also a stubborn bastard. When he sets his mind to something nothing can stop him until he reaches that goal. So if he has his mind set on living with you then death has no chance," Jean said awkwardly, doing his best to try and cheer Levi up.
Mom quietly excused herself, "I'm going to check on the others," she said leaving us all to talk.
Even though Levi was just scolding me for sitting up he was holding me close to him. I think the only thing stopping him from squeezing the life outta me was he was afraid to hurt me.
Levi looked up at the other two behind me and rolled his eyes, "get your asses over here. Carefully," he said, extending an arm showing he wanted to give them a hug.
"Levi initiating a group hug I've seen it all," Jean mocked him as he scooted in to accept the hug.
"I've done it before," he mumbled.
"Yeah but it's rare."
Marco just carefully moved his leg out of the way before leaning in. The group hug was a lot different from our normal ones. Everyone was too afraid to hurt the others so I could barely feel their arms around me.
"That was a lame-ass hug," I mumbled.
"Well hurry up and get better so we can give you a better one," Levi said, forcing a smile.
We all sat back and Levi had me lay back down carefully as we all talked. We all got everything out in the open. We talked about how scared we were in the moment and even after We were all still worried about the others. The only thing stopping me from getting up and going to check on them was well Levi. If I even tried to get up he would pin me to the bed with his powers. The last thing I need him doing is overusing his abilities on my account.
"Okay spill what's on your mind?" Annie finally asked me as she sat up in the bed.
"What do you mean?"
"Mikasa cut the crap you haven't said a single word since last night."
"So, I don't usually talk much anyway. Why does it suddenly mean something's wrong?"
"Because you normally at least talk to me. So tell me why. Is it because you're worried about them? Or did I just piss you off?"
"I mean sure I'm worried but that's not it, and no it's not anything you did." How could I explain this without thinking about it? The whole reason I've been quiet is because I've been trying to distract myself from the harsh reality of the situation.
"Then tell me what's going on," She said looking me in the eyes. I could never say no with her gorgeous eyes staring into mine like that.
"Well, all of this has got me thinking," I forced out already feeling my muscles tense up. "They could have died."
"Yeah," she said knowing that by the way, I sounded there was more to it.
"Well what if this happens again? What if next time when we are all on a mission together we get surrounded and everyone gets gunned down." I finally blurted out before looking her in her eyes. "I realized that I would be the only survivor. I would be forced to live with this guilt. I would have to watch the rest of you die." I slammed my eyes shut and wrapped my arms around myself. I clenched my teeth so tight I felt my jaw ache.
"That's not going to happen, my love, look at me," she said putting her hands lightly against my cheeks and moving my head up. I opened my eyes and was met with hers. "That will never happen, but even if it does I will make sure you aren't alone. You won't carry that guilt alone. I'll help you shoulder it all."
"But you-"
"I could live through a hail of bullets if I harden my skin. Hell, I could try and save people too, but even if I was too late to do that I would still make sure to be with you I won't leave you alone. I'll be by your side no matter what okay doll."
"Okay," I mumbled before leaning in and letting my lips brush against hers. I pulled back when a thought crossed my mind.
"Do you know where Franz would be at this time?" I asked and she glared at me.
"You better give me a better kiss than whatever the fuck that was," she said staring me down.
I just leaned back in and gave her an actual kiss before finally pulling away. "Good, now why do you want Franz?"
"I want to see something."
I left the room and she followed, probably curious of where my head was at. I found him and Hanna sitting at a table. "Franz," I said getting his attention as we approached. He turned his head around to see me and waved.
"Hey Mikasa, did you need something?"
"I need you to take my powers away for a minute."
"What?" Annie asked behind me wondering if I've lost my mind.
He just froze for a second processing my request. "Um, why?"
"I just want to feel something I've never felt before." Well, I guess I can't say never since I felt it when I was a kid but I don't really remember what it felt like.
"Um," he looked behind me and then back at me. I turned around and saw Annie staring him down as if to tell him not to.
"Don't mind her," I said turning back around.
"She's going to kill me if I do it though."
"No, she won't."
"Yes she will," Annie growled.
I turned around and whispered in her ear, "My Jewel please I promise I will be okay. Remember you will be by my side the whole time nothing can go wrong with you there."
She stared at me for a moment before sighing. "You know I can't refuse when you look at me like that."
"Perfect," I said before turning back around, "okay now will you since she agrees not to hurt you?"
"Um. I guess," he said awkwardly, putting his hand out. I touched his hand before looking him in the eyes. "Alright you have ten minutes before your powers return," he said, giving me a heads up.
"Perfect, that will be more than enough time," I said before heading back to my room with Annie right on my trail.
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to find a knife."
"What! Why?" She asked worriedly.
"Cause I want to remember what pain feels like."
"So you're going to stab yourself for shits and giggles."
"No, I'm not going to stab myself, I'm just going to make a cut on my skin."
"That's so stupid why would you-."
"Look I'm not doing this just to feel pain. I also wonder if when my power returns if the wound will stay or if it will heal itself. If when my power returns if the cut is still there and bleeding will it still bleed or will it stop? If the wound stays will it hurt when I touch it?"
"Why are you worried about this all of the sudden?"
"I don't know this whole thing has got me thinking. I wondered how much pain they were in. I mean I've been shot countless times but I've never actually been hurt like that. I know a small cut isn't the same thing but it just makes me wonder," I shrugged.
"Fine," she rolled her eyes before sitting on the bed. I pulled out a knife and looked at her. Her eyes were following the knife around. I put the knife to the palm of my hand and pressed down. Even without my super strength, I pressed down way harder than I meant to. I winced as the red liquid dripped from my hand. She jumped up and pulled the knife away from me.
"That's way more than a small cut," she yelled.
"I know it was an accident I didn't expect so little resistance," I said looking down at my hand. Are normal people really this fragile. She grabbed one of her shirts that were nearby and wrapped my hand up.
"Damn I hope you do stop bleeding cause if not you might need stitches."
"Stitches?"
"Yes stitches, Hanji is out cold and can't heal you. However, if you're still bleeding when your powers come back it will be impossible for you to get stitches," she let out a groan, "this is why I was against this I knew you were going to do something stupid, but this-." her voice cut out as she frantically looked around the room for something anything that could help.
"How long till your powers come back?" she asked.
"Maybe 2 or 3 minutes at most."
"Fuck," she whispered. "Do we get help? Do we wait it out and hope you stop bleeding? What do we do?" she asked looking up at me.
I just stood there how was I supposed to know? I mean I don't even know how much blood I've lost already is this the normal amount? Is this too much? She's asking the wrong person here. "Maybe we wait and hope it stops bleeding?" I shrugged.
We waited and after three minutes she pulled her shirt away from my hand to see if the wound was healed or at least stopped bleeding. The wound was still there but there was so much blood sitting in my hand I couldn't tell if it was still bleeding or not.
She looked at it a little longer before finally grabbing my arm and leading me to the bathrooms to clean up my hand. She put my hand under the water and ouch. Wait ouch? It still hurts? Has my powers actually come back yet?
To test I just punched the wall seeing if it would hurt forgetting about my super strength. My hand went straight through the wall without any pain. No, my powers are definitely back.
"What was that?" She asked.
"I was checking to see if my powers were back," I said before looking through the hole in the wall. "Forgot my own strength," I mumbled before making a mental note to tell Pixis we need to fix a hole in the bathroom.
"My hand stung when you put it under the water," I said and she looked down at my wound. It wasn't bleeding anymore but neither of us were sure if it stopped before or after my powers came back. I poked it with my finger and sure enough that hurt. "Ow," I mumbled.
"Ow, what do you mean ow?" she asked, "you can feel pain now?"
"Only where the cut is," I said looking down at it.
"Well this answers some of my questions, but now I have even more questions."
"Don't even fucking think about it," She said glaring me down, "You are never doing that again."
"I mean I won't say never, but not for a while," I said and she rolled her eyes.
"Sometimes I forget you are related to Eren and then you do some reckless shit like that and then I can really see the family resemblance."