Lord give me strength

31

Some Utah headcanons/incorrect quotes because...why not

He kinda reminds me of that one video ("Parents at Disney by John Christ) 

[in public]

Utah: A kid is crying

Illithyia: Not one of ours

[they fist bump]

Brayden: What are you doing?

Utah: Working

Brayden: It looks like you're just staring off into space

Utah: That's most of every job

Utah: We're supposed to wear our masks in public

Kayleigh: Power ranger masks?

Utah: Masks that stop germs

Kayleigh: Power rangers stop everything

New York: Fuck

Jayden:

Brayden: 

Jayden: Fuck!

Brayden: Fuck!

New York: Wait no-

Utah: Why

Utah: Did you have a good day at school?

Kayden: That's not how school works

DC: are you...okay?

Utah: You will never realize your full potential for speed until you see your 6-year-old running around with a marker

DC:

Kayleigh: (stands behind him while he works on his computer) What game are you playing?

Utah: Pay the bills

Kayleigh: Are you winning?

Utah: No

Utah: (closes a drawer on his finger) Darn it!

Kayleigh: (runs in) What is it? Is it that guy from work? What did he do?

Illithiya: What happened?

Utah, who's been staring at the ceiling in disappointment for 10 minutes: I'm so glad we bought 10,000 stuffed animals so Kayden can fall asleep holding a jar of peanuts

Florida: You look like you need a drink

Utah: I turned off the TV today and made the kids play board games like it was 1955 and now I understand why so many parents were alcoholics 

California, after being asked to babysit Utah's kids for a bit: I like talking to kids, grown-ups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is

Florida: What is it?

California: coast horned lizard