Lord give me strength

who knows anymore

Quotes but it's really self indulgent

(First batch o' quotes: Ant beverage the musical

this one isn't a DC/Florida au bc the context would make that kinda weird)

Utah: Knock Knock, who's there? Happiness!

DC: No!

DC: Knock knock

Utah: :0

Utah: Who's there?

DC: I dunno, you have to open the door to find out

DC: [gremlin grin]

Utah: I don't think that's how knock knock jokes work

DC: Guess you'll never know

Utah: Oh... [pretends to open a door]

DC: [Jumpscares him]

New York: [does anything]

California: Yes! That's my husband!

Texas: Aren't you a little short to be a demon?

Florida, about to actually do his job: Aren't you a little old to be alive

California: We can hear you!

Florida: Yeah? Well, that was a soliloquy

California:

Florida: So you're the one who's being rude

New York: Whaddya want? We're not...like you

Florida: I know that New York

Florida: NO ONE'S LIKE ME

Florida: That's the problem

Florida: Hey guys?

California: Yeah?

New York: Hmm?

Florida: [flips them off] Fuck you guys [leaves]

Utah: Well black reminds me of a funeral

Utah: This is a business dinner

DC: Yeah? Well it could be both

DC: A toast, to my father's important business

DC: Also, one of your wine glasses is POISONED 

Utah: DC YOU GIVE ME THAT [Fake takes the glass]

Utah: [hesitation]

Utah: [fake throws it on the floor] smash

DC: [what the fuck]

DC: Who the hell are you?

Florida: Can you see me?

DC: Yeah? You look like a bloated zebra that the lions found but didn't eat because something was obviously wrong with it so it just rotted in the hot african sun

Florida: YOU CAN SEE ME

Florida: What uh

Florida: Brings you up here

DC: I'm gonna jump

Florida: NO

Florida: I mean uh

Florida: ✨No✨

DC: [Bitch]

Florida: You don't like your dad

Florida: I don't like mine

Florida: He's a demon

Florida: He is a literal demon

Florida: He's impossible

Florida: It's always, "Get a job!" "Why is your hair purple?" "I should've left like your mother"

DC: [What the fuck]

Florida: ASSASINATE 

DC: NO

Florida: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP LEAVING ME

Florida: Ok new plan

Florida: You're all gonna die

Nevada: Welcome to the family

Nevada: Son

DC: :)

Florida: 

Florida: Not buyin it

Florida: [gets a sword out] time to die

Florida: So good bye

Florida: Sayonara 

Florida: DON'T text me in the middle of the night saying "you up"

Florida: Because... ;-;

Florida: [sharp inhale] because 

Florida: NEW PHONE

Florida: [sigh]

Florida: WHO DIS

(Second au)

California: Send me an angel

California: The nicest angel you have

Florida: [laughing]

California: So-

Florida: [c r o n c h]

California: Did you just bite into a whipped cream can

Florida: [happy demon]

California, seeing a note from Florida: For FUCK'S SAKE

California: [slams down a marker] YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL SOMETHING EVERYTIME I FORGET SOMETHING

Florida: I don't, but it's fun

(Third au)

Florida: [trips over nothing, forgets his name, cries while chugging caffeine]

New York and California, completely ignoring their bosses: We want that one

California and New York, watching Florida do something stupid: What a dumbass lmao

Someone else: yeah lmao

California and New York: What the fuck did you just say about him

New York, about to go feral: I'm gonna do something stupid

Florida: I'm stupid, do me

Florida: [gets hurt]

Their bosses: Now you have to do your job :)

New York and California, who were one slip up away from going apeshit: oh really?

I have a few more aus but idk if I'll post them