Serving the Commander

Hand in hand with dark and light

*Kylo's view* ~(y/n)'s view~

***Sneaking away from her was hard but necessary, we didn't need any more bad luck after I had already seen the dress and was unable to control my...needs last night. The day went by quickly while trying to make sure every last final detail was perfect, and it was, everything was going smoothly until realizing Hux hadn't shown for report all day, but stressing over him was short lived when the same women that had helped (y/n) barged into my bunker forcing me to change while annoyingly fluffing and braiding my hair, once they were finished I almost ripped out the silly style but after looking at myself in the mirror I knew (y/n) would appreciate it. The clothes were heavy and embellished just as hers would be, after all having handpicked each ruby that would sparkle upon her dress and crown myself, knowing that her beauty is only matched with the best silk and jewels the first order could afford, nothing but the best for my empress. Finally after convincing myself I didn't look absolutely ridiculous, leisurely making my way down towards the balcony my heart began to race knowing the importance of this day and how much it means to her. All of it was a little nerve racking as I moved closer and closer to forever, at one moment having to pause allowing myself to rest against the cold metal wall closing my eyes tightly while letting my hand brush through the textured waves of dampened hair clinging against the back of my neck, trying to remind myself to breathe. 'In...out...in...out...you've got this...come on Kylo don't let fear take over, come on...' exhaling deeply reminding myself that I'm the Kylo Ren, what I want I get and what I want more than anything right now is her, and soon she'll be mine always, but for now I have remain calm I can't let her know my heart feels as if it could break apart my chest, that in this moment I've never been more afraid of anything. All the battles, all the fear, anger, agony, nothing compares to what I feel right now, I know this is what I've been searching for, what my heart has begged for since I was a child. But something keeps nagging at the back of my mind, pulling at my happiness, whispering heavily into my mind poisoning what should be the greatest day of my life, huffing heavily pushing the thought to the back of my mind where it belongs it begins to rest, quiet and yet somehow excruciatingly loud.

Arriving just before the sun was setting, slowly walking down the aisle, wondering if all of these people can see the obvious tremor in my gait as I take my place right below the blanketed roses standing next to one of the lieutenants who had been prepared to make the wedding official. Standing awkwardly looking down at the light snow glittering across the blackness of my robes just before they burst melting into the fabric, each flake is beautiful and unique something I had taken for granted the entire time I've been on the base...something I  would have never notice if it had not been for (y/n)...she's taught me to enjoy the simple things...to embrace more than just the darkness...inhaling strongly letting the icy air fill my lungs, the breeze so crisp it shocks my senses pulling me back into the moment steadily slowing my fluttering heart rate, finally I was ready. One by one the room finishes filling with various members of the order some faces I know and others were merely obligated to be here, the closer the time comes the more my anxiety begins to grow again, the darkness slowly makes it way back into my mind forcing me to wonder if she's changed her mind, if she's realized what a monster I am, saw me for who I truly am...saw the darkness within my heart...has she fled? Ran from the monster she's been conditioned to feel connected too...she's woken from her delusions, removed the rose tinted glasses, slipped from my grasp...will she ultimately leave me standing here like a fool...alone once again. Finally Hux, who looks rather flustered...takes the place beside me, not by choice of course...instead merely filling the position no other man offered to take, although the two of us mostly despised one another I wasn't about to stand here alone letting the order know just how far I've pushed nearly every person who's ever cared for me away...hopefully everyone but (y/n).

Interrupting the thought of her, he leans in whispering to my ear, replying quietly but with force "what Hux. Now's not really the time." Feeling the anxiety radiating from him, he stammers "you're...going to want to make time...sir...." Face immediately burning hot, anger soaring throughout my veins the words that leave his mouth have ruined everything, trying to remain calm hoarsely whispering back "what?! You were supposed to oversee that! What happened?!" the guests can tell the mood has thickened catching from the corner of my eye a few of them shuffling in their seats. Clinching my hands into fists, my voice cracks behind anger as I try to speak, to call off the wedding, everything must be halted, stopped, it can't happen this way, everything was perfect! Everything had to be perfect! And this...this is far from perfect...lifting my foot from the spot it's been locked into for the past twenty minutes, mind made up everything must... just then the prearranged music begins to play as her figure peaks around the corner immediately shutting down every muscle in my body suspending me in place, completely entrapped in her beauty watching in slow motion as she slowly begins walking towards me. ***

~~The sound of somber music begins as you step onto the red lined aisle, looking up through the veil Kylo's eyes locked directly on your figure nervously beginning to stride towards him making sure each step is precise and bold 'that's all I need is to trip and fall.' briefly peering down the aisles smiling at the mostly unfamiliar crowd only a few faces resembling the select group you could consider friends eyeing back at your beauty, Yasmine...Doris....Sola...and Kamira. The closer you get the more it becomes clear that somethings wrong, the way he is standing completely stiff both fists formed in tight little balls, his expression cold and blank. Brushing it off to nervousness, happily taking the spot next to him slowly reaching out for his hand, instantly feeling its cold clammy tremble, eyes darting towards his searching behind their darkened glaze for any signs of how he's truly feeling inside. Almost instantly upon placing the other hand atop his embracing the quivering palm, suddenly it stops shaking and his pale face begins to fill with color once more. As if snapping back from the super dark place he had thrown himself into, he finally sees you, really sees you and you can tell his heart rate begins to slow, can feel his grip loosen around yours and his shoulders relax. The darkness in his eyes slowly begin to fade the closer your hand gets to his cheek, reaching up softly brushing a few fingers along the lightly flushed skin assuring him with your touch that everything is okay you're here, you'll always be here...having started to wonder if he thought you weren't going to show or something, just as the faintest smile creeps over his face and his hand lightly engulfs yours bringing it down towards his lips tenderly they kiss at the curled centers of your knuckles, lingering those sweet pouty lips in place keeping his stare directly upon your cloaked eyes. Whether you were supposed to hear it or not, without speaking a single word the faintest leathery smooth voice slips into your mind  "she's everything I've ever wanted...I've spent my entire life searching for her...across a galaxy of light and dark... every moment has lead me right here...right to her...and I'll love her endlessly" ~~~

***Trying to concentrate as my bride makes her way down the aisle is useless the only thing running through my mind is panic, anger, frustration, and fear. How could Hux allow this to happen he only had one job today and he failed putting the entire wedding at jeopardy, putting everything to risk, my everything. Suddenly somehow she's right in front of me reaching out for my hand, the soft warm touch of her palm thaws my rigid fist, followed by the tender feel of her touch skimming across my jaw it finally brings me back to the moment, to what's most important right now, to her. Staring at her beauty the way the lace veil delicately covers her stunning features leaves me breathless, internally thanking the galaxy for bringing her to me every moment we have ever shared comes flooding back streaming on repeat until she speaks snapping me back once again. She's slipping a ring onto my finger while reciting her vows, telling me she'll never leave my side, her love for me will never die, looking up into my eyes she stares long enough to pry into my mind finishing the vows only I am to hear "Kylo...look around...look at our empire...this place...these people...they depend on us...feel deep within their core...within my core...within your own...I know you feel it too... the pull to the light...I see now why I was guided to you, there is good in you Kylo Ren and I can see it. You can see it, we both can feel it...this base is our home and these people are kind they will follow us no matter how we rule, you will turn to the light and I will be the one to bring you there. Don't be afraid, it all makes sense now...I've dreamt of our future, a place where happiness is forever, and your heart is whole once more. You can fight me as long as you want but now that I've made my home right here in your heart the light has already began to spread, Ben...you are everything and more and I'm here to show you why..."