Serving the Commander

She deserves the galaxy

*Kylo's view*

From the moment that her thoughts were projected into my mind I had instantly felt betrayed, how could she deliberately hide something like that? What followed after initially finding out was a blur, I hadn't been that angry in months not since the refusal from the resistance girl Rey, everything seemed to be so perfect, so happy, how could I have been so stupid to think something wouldn't happen? Something always happens, locking her away was the only thing I could think of to ensure her safety. Although she did not understand my reasoning, I did not need an explanation, why give her one when she deliberately chose to screw up to begin with? Had this sort of betrayal happened before I met her, before I had fallen in love, before she chipped away at my rough exterior the Kylo before wouldn't have hesitated, instead he would have simply eliminated both issues, her for being disobedient and him for starting the problem in the first place.

But no because I have allowed myself to fall for her...murder was not an option. I've already killed someone who meant a great deal to me...and that hadn't produce the results I was hoping for, killing (y/n) wouldn't have made me happy or more focused, if anything it would have made me angrier at those darker sides within myself for once again taking away something I love so dearly. Watching her suffer and recluse was excruciating, refusing her touch, sleeping away from her, ignoring basic human reaction, all of these things made sense at the time knowing she had to experience true loss before accepting that her actions do have consequences. Coming back to the room after a long grueling day searching for that vermin was only made worse knowing that I'd still have to pretend that the only thing in the entire universe I needed was the one thing I didn't want...her.

After a few days she finally stopped trying to grab my attention, stopped pretending to be asleep when I came back but instead actually remaining that way. Sure, she had not known I could tell she was faking it, but her thoughts were bombarding my mind, each night she would lie there begging for my embrace, pleading for my forgiveness. The strength it took to ignore her was one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I couldn't just let her think she had no repercussions, that aiding and hiding that fuck from me wouldn't go unpunished? If I had allowed everything to resume as normal would that have taught her anything or would it have cost me everything.

One of the hardest days was the dress fitting, the fact that she seemed disappointed that it was me accompanying her stung but was understood. When she reached for my hand it felt like knives stabbing into my heart, all I wanted to do was scoop her up into my arms pin her against the wall and kiss every inch that still belonged to me. But instead keeping my focus straight forward because I knew the moment my eyes locked with hers it was over, I wouldn't be able to resist any longer. Hearing the way she gasped at the dress simultaneously made my heart race and drop, at first thinking she didn't like it but of course that was foolish, she loved it plus knowing (y/n) she wouldn't have told me otherwise. What she didn't know is, the entire time I was able to see her from the reflection against one of the mirrors opposite the room, watching them prim and prime my bride until eyeing the way she looked at herself in the mirror. The dress was even more beautiful than I had ever imagined, and they replicated it so well from the art piece you would have thought I drew it from the final product not the other way around. Seeing her standing in that room everything else faded away as time began to slow down, watching as she ran her delicate hands over the fabric touching at the beading, lace, and tulle, the way her eyes lit up when she swayed in the dimly lit room making the dress sparkle upon each twist. She was gorgeous, far more beautiful than any woman I had ever seen.

Knowing in that moment that she deserved the galaxy...deserved to never feel pain again, never question if she was good enough, to know where she belonged and that she was mine....ignoring all instinct to hold her in my grasp, to place my lips upon hers, to promise that I'd never let her go...was nearly impossible. Especially after the women left and it was just us, the way she looked so defeated on such an important day, begging for my love, something I never wanted her to question. Finally holding her in my arms was everything I knew it would be, sparks of electricity, fire, butterflies, and fear, anxiety, and pain, before even realizing it my lips were almost upon hers eagerly taking their rightful place before catching myself and pulling back.

Oh how I wanted to kiss her, to taste her, to love her, but the thought of him...stealing her away...would pop into my mind only adding to the confirmation that I'll never be at peace again until that piece of shit is either dead or rotting within a darkened cell. I had not expected her response to be so hostile, so cold, finally having enough of my resistance must have driven her over the edge. Both of us screamed and yelled things we most definitely didn't mean while also opening up about things that should have been said all along, still her disdainful attitude was quiet the jab, it was now her refusing my touch, refusing me. Leaving her so upset was extremely hard, watching her lock herself away in the bedroom made me want to break the door down, force her to love me. A feeling I am sure she had been experiencing this entire time, but having it reversed upon myself was new and frustrating, no one had ever turned me down, especially not without major consequences.