Serving the Commander

Confined and alone

Feeling him harshly breathing beneath your grasp knowing he's making it a point not to hug you back only hurt even more 'have I finally pushed him away for good? Does he hate me? Is the wedding off?' Feeling his hands rest upon your arms before peeling them away and stepping back staring with clear betrayal within his heart "I don't hate you (y/n) I could never...but..." clinching his fist the sound of blood dripping to the floor fills the deafening silence "why him...? Why do you show him mercy when he clearly only wants to hurt you? To hurt me. Don't you understand?" His bottom lip begins to quiver and the tone of his voice cracks "if I lose you..." stepping towards him again only for him to step back even further "you're not going to lose me Kylo...and I don't know okay?! I just...you were not there! You did not see how he looked! He was starving and looked so defeated! As much as I know you've never wanted to admit it, but I did love that man at one point!"

Intuitively knowing that only made the situation worse he tenses again, not saying anything while reaching for his helmet upon the table placing it over his face before marching towards the door "DO NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM. I'll return later, and don't even try because the key pad is broken if you disobey me and try to get out....don't come back..." letting out another little gasp before placing a hand over your heart feeling as if it's just completely shattered. Kylo watches for only a moment before forcing the hatch open again stomping out and slamming it shut behind him leaving you in the ransacked room confused, hurt, and alone.

Hours are spent worried and alone within the chambers the only thing keeping you sane was picking up the mess that Kylo had made, rehanging all the clothes and pushing the mattress back into its place along with making the bed nice and neat wondering if he'll even sleep beside you ever again 'why am I so stupid? Kylo's right, how could I possibly let him go again? I just...I want to believe there is good in James just like there is good in Kylo... I cannot help it I just want to show people kindness...but I really fucked up this time. Will things ever be the same again?'

After a while hearing some buzzing and banging from outside the door walking towards it checking out what's happening just as the hatch swings open and a few technicians are standing in front of the key pad replacing its wiring and screen, one of them is easily recognizable as the man James used to hang around. Knowing he recognizes you too after an awkward pause he finally speaks "oh, um we were given orders to replace the doors locking mechanism, but I wasn't aware someone was inside? We're you locked in? It's open now you can leave if you'd like?" Looking down the long empty hallway the only thing you want to do is leave and find Kylo but having no idea where he's at plus remembering what he said just before leaving, deciding not to chance it "um...no thanks I'm uh fine, did the leader send you to do this? Have you heard from him; do you know where he is?" The man stares at you for a moment before responding "not directly, he sent out an alert on my tablet. So, to answer your question...no I do not, sorry. Anyways we're finished up here you sure you don't want out? I was given strict orders to lock the room once finished and reset the passcode to something only the supreme leader can choose once he returns so there's no telling how long you'll be locked in here?" Sighing deeply knowing he has a point but refusing anyways "no I'm okay thanks though, I'm sure he'll be back soon..." the man shrugs before mumbling "suit yourself." While shutting the hatch doors again, hearing the metal insides lock tightly leaving you trapped and alone once again 'changing the passcode can't be a good sign...is that to keep me in...or to keep me out? I wish he'd come back...it's starting to get dark outside..."

Unable to wait any longer deciding it's probably best to go ahead and shower then get dressed for bed 'surely he'll be here soon...it's well past dark now...' after washing up and changing into pajamas then reluctantly slipping into the cold empty bed feeling incredibly sad that the spot next to you is hallow. Laying there for hours just staring up at the ceiling or out the huge window watching the snow fall feeling as if each minute is an hour long before finally falling asleep at some point, even still tossing and turning repeatedly jolting awake every now and then swiftly scanning the spot beside you hoping it will be filled with Kylo's figure only to continuously be disappointed.