Serving the Commander

Velvet rose

*Kylo's view*

Resting heavily, dreaming a multitude of images ranging from your childhood to training to becoming a Jedi master, to the first years working for the first order, then you dream of battle and enemy's. The terror of being killed the constant flashing of your dad's face as you murdered him, these dreams are a nightly routine.

A shift in the nature of the dreams as it's now a warm sunset seeing yourself standing in a field of roses, brushing your fingertips along the velvet tops of the delicate flowers plucking one out of the ground bringing it to your nose. The scent is so strong paired with the incredibly realistic feel of the soft Petals making you question if this is actually reality.

Suddenly feeling your hand brush against something just as soft as the rose but much more real bringing you out of sleep, opening your eyes disoriented seeing a figure leaning over you. Without hesitation swiftly grabbing the person slamming them onto the bed, once having the higher ground realizing it's only (y/n) staring back with utter fear strewn across her face. Harshly asking what the hell she's doing 'does she have a death wish?'

Looking at her delicate figure clutching the towel she said she was grabbing; noticing how truly fragile she is only making you aware how easily you could have really hurt her. Leaving her laying on the bed frozen in place, now going to the bathroom to clear your thoughts with a much welcomed cold shower. Afterwards noticing she is gone from your room, allowing you to dress in peace.

Once in the conference room slouching down into a chair placing your hands to your face, thoughts racing 'why did she think it was okay to reach over you like that. Doesn't she know how quickly she could have died?' The thought making you frown, you did not want to harm her she was only doing what you had asked. 'No, that was her mistake. If she died from her own foolishness it wouldn't have been your fault.' Thoughts now remembering how small and scared she looked staring up at you, in that moment wanting to reach out to her, bring her close show her you meant no harm. Not knowing why but the thought of accidentally killing her this morning is bringing you so much pain, you wouldn't have been able to forgive yourself, underneath this hard shell is a softer version of a man you once knew.

Just then hearing her soft voice speak up, raising your face to meet hers feeling a hot fire run through your veins. Eyes locking onto the small bruise left on her cheek, walking towards her pinning her against the wall trying to make a point as you touch the sore spot infuriated by her stupidity. 'She keeps putting herself into situations where she gets hurt.' Trying to prove it explaining how easily you could have killed her, without thinking raising your arm clenching your hand you begin to choke her the rage radiating out of your body. Feeling her small hands grasp your arm bringing your attention back to her face seeing that pure fear once again, releasing her watching as she falls to the floor. Warning her to take more precaution you leave, mostly to stop yourself from hurting her anymore... you are a monster after all. Hours go by all the while the image of her frightened face seared into your brain, you wanted her respect and loyalty but not her fear.

Heading towards your quarters walking inside going straight to the bathroom needing to destress. Opening the bathroom door seeing her standing by the tub with the bottom of her dress in her hands, stopping losing the breath in your lungs as you look from her delicate face down until you see her exposed legs.

A red hand print catching your attention crushes you, knowing you grabbed her hard but having no idea it would leave a mark 'if only she hadn't caught you by surprise' a great sadness washes over you before realizing it, you were kneeling before her reaching for the tender mark. Her skin smooth and beautiful twitches at the touch of your hand, standing looking up into her eyes expressing how you never meant to hurt her hoping she believes you. Before she has the chance to say anything you leave waiting to return until you have heard her leave.

Days turn into nights and nights turn into weeks, having not seen (y/n) for more than a few moments each day when she asks if you need anything else from her, each day dismissing her. Wanting to spend as little time around her as possible, you don't want to hurt her. Yet still finding her on your mind constantly, every hour of the day wondering what she is doing, where she is at, if she is safe... if she is happy. Having only just met this woman the strong need for her is overwhelming, only making you avoid her even more. Finding yourself wondering if she is avoiding you too.