Serving the Commander

Make her understand

*Kylo's view*

Laying awake thinking of her, the softness of her skin the enchanting smell of rose, the sexiness of her figure paired with the sweet smoothness of her voice. Turning to the side staring at the empty spot on the bed imagining her resting next to you, the overwhelming need to reach out and touch her, hand only finding the empty fabric. Snapping out of the delusions, getting ready for the day taking a quick shower before dressing and leaving. Before walking out, thinking of the soiled underwear lying in the bed, the thought crosses your mind to get rid of them, but what easier way to let her know you were aware than that.

After the morning meetings finding yourself thinking of her again, this time wondering where she is from what her likes and dislikes are longing to know everything about her. Her familiar soft voice sounds from behind you, turning staring at her taking in the beautiful red blouse she chose tracing the lace details along her silky skin before eyeing the pair of underwear slightly sticking out from the side of her hip, the excitement coursing through your veins as you walk closer. 'She found them she must know what I did.' Taking your helmet off placing her face into your hand feeling an instant spark sending shivers down your spine 'does she know how crazy she makes me feel.'

Leaning into her, mouth close enough to almost taste her telling her you know about last night, while telling her what she doesn't know about it also while slipping a free hand into her pocket bringing the underwear out into the open. Her face turns a bright red as she pulls the underwear from your hand rushing to leave quickly mumbling something about being inappropriate clutching your fist stopping her in her tracks. 'I know she must feel something for me, she has too. I must show her I can feel it and want it too.'

Striding up to her embracing her from the back, pushing her hair from her neck wrapping your arms around her frame pulling her into you. Expressing the want for her to stay and join you for lunch letting slip how she's constantly on your mind 'that was a mistake she doesn't need to think I'm obsessed.' Feeling her pull away, she says she is only your employee 'of course how stupid could you be to think last night was more than just a random act of foolishness. She could never care for you, you are a monster, a murderer. Evil.'

Informing her with a cold tone she can transfer if that is what she pleases, quickly turning walking away, feeling the small hand grasp your own freezing as she says she doesn't want to transfer and wants to be around you. The words escape her mouth traveling up around you in a swirl the fear and excitement tangled within them, the feeling of her little hand within your own is almost too much to bear. Telling her you will meet her soon, leaving before you do anything else to ruin the situation.

Walking down the hall you are met with general Hux, grumbling trying to turn the other way not wanting his bullshit to ruin the moment you just had. "Excuse me commander." He says chasing after you "commander, commander Ren! You are needed at once for an emergency involving an escaped TIE fighter ship." Turning saying "Hux now is not the time I'm busy." He speaks louder "sir you don't have a choice, your presence is required." Fists balled harshly replying, "this better be important you are taking me away from something far more valuable."

During meeting you are informed of a trooper escaping with a prisoner, something much more important than you had imagined it being. Taking all the focus forgetting about the lunch plans with (y/n) until it is too late, knowing by now she will have been long gone. Once finished, quickly rushing to the dining hall only to be met with the emptiness along with a broken wine glass topped with her underwear. Reaching for them knowing they were placed there deliberately as a big 'fuck you' tossing them into the fireplace slamming your fists down on the table before slinging everything off violently.

'There goes your chance, you dumb idiot why didn't you at least send someone to inform her.' Standing above the mess looking at the time, 630 pm knowing she could be in your quarters still, leaving heading that way to try and catch her. 'I must explain myself, as much as I wanted to spend time with her, I can't neglect my position the job must always come first. But I need her to know how badly I did want to be there.'

Walking towards the room looking up to see her marching in your direction, noticing her saddened expression and her puffy swollen eyes 'had she been crying...' trying to explain yourself but she wouldn't listen, watching as she walks away feeling as if a part of you is leaving with her. Back inside your room feeling the sting of not being welcomed with the scent of eucalyptus, before noticing how she strung the blankets back taking no care at all. 'No doubt you've pissed her off now, and she has every right to be.' "Dick move Kylo, dick move." Saying out loud heading to the bathroom.

Soaking in the chilly tub catching yourself picturing her sad expression with visibly hurt eyes feeling a deep pain within your chest, seeing how you have made her feel makes you hate yourself even more. 'She's so beautiful and delicate, I don't deserve her.' Laying in the bath until you are shivering from the now freezing water, rising heading to bed pulling your pillow close imagining it her tender frame nuzzling your head into it "(y/n) I'm sorry... please forgive me."

The next day staying in the room late hoping to see her so you could explain but she does not show, instead being met with Doris as she explains that you have lost someone close. Knowing that was a lie accepting that she does not want to be here, going about the day's as usual with her lingering on your mind constantly. Each day waiting, each morning met with disappointment as Doris walks in time and time again.

It's been a week since last seeing her, worried asking Doris "are you sure she's okay? It is her duty to show up for her scheduled shifts." Doris turning to you "my dear she is hurt, she says from the loss of a friend, but I've seen that kind of hurt, I've lived it. Someone has broken that dear girl's heart; I will inform her tonight that she must report for duty tomorrow sir." Knowing she is hurt only makes the  hurting worse 'how can I make this up to her?'

The next morning leaving early giving her the space she needs; later she does not bother asking if she is needed for anything else at this point knowing she does not want to be around you. Before dark returning to the room determined to show her you meant no harm and you did care, lining the room with rose petals leading to the bathroom.

This time preparing the bath for her making the water a hot temperature imagining that's how she likes it, adding the eucalyptus oil she used to place in your own and bubble bath while sprinkling the water with the remaining petals. Placing far too many candles around the bathroom setting a note by the sink. *(y/n) please enjoy this gesture of kindness, I swear I did not intentionally stand you up... I would never. Something important happened within the first order and I had no choice but to be present. This is not a plead to try again, just a simple act of kindness. Please enjoy I won't return until much later.* Leaving before glancing back hoping she accepts your apology.