𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐘 ♡ steve harrington

DEAR AMELIA

AMELIA HENDERSON MISSED BILLY HARGROVE. After months if his death, the girl was still holding on to anything she could find of him.

One of those things being cigarettes. The girl had only meant to buy a pack to see what it was like, but she didn't expect to have a couple a day. No one knew of course, she couldnt deal with the face Steve and Dustin would make if they found out.

She could almost laugh at the irony of her scolding Billy for having around two packs a day, and now she was sitting there drowning in her sorrows with the thing that kept her the closest to the boy.

Well that and his jacket.

The sun was only setting when Amelia decided to climb her roof and listen to her Walkman. But now as she breathed out another puff of her fifth cigarette, she realised it had become quite dark, yet the street lights in her neighbourhood somehow made it slightly brighter.

She reached into her, well Billy's jacket pocket to pull out her Walkman and paused Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears. She looked down and noticed a small peice of paper had fallen out of the pocket.

She picked it up and opened it, expecting it to be a receipt or something only for her eyes to widen when she spotted Billy's handwriting. She closed up the paper and sighed. I shouldnt read this, she thought.

She sat there for a moment before curiosity had gotten the best of her and she opened it back up. He's dead, hes not gonna come back from the dead to yell at you, she thought, convincing herself to read it.

dear amelia

I know I havent been the best guy in the world, especially to you. if I had a dollar for every time a kicked myself for what I did to you, well let's just say I'd have enough money to take you to a nicer fucking place than that shitty diner you love so much. what I'm trying to say is that i done some messed up shit because I've seen some messed up shit and ever since I moved here it's been different. you have been the only one that's treated me like an actual human being. not some pathetic asshole that cant do anything right, just a person. you remind me of my mum in that way, she was the only one who treated me with respect and decency.
you're the only person I know that can actually make me laugh. like a genuine laugh, not some fake ass bullshit that some girl said on a date. and the more I hang out with you, the more I start to notice the little things you do. like your eyes light up when a song you know on the radio plays. like how you can only see your dimples when you laugh. and your laugh aswell, your genuine laugh is loud that makes me laugh too, which is a good thing. a vein on your neck pokes out when your very angry, which happens rarely. and how you play with your hair when your nervous. and then after a while I started to notice all the feelings that came with it, like I'd see you and I'd get a weird fluttery feeling in my stomach when I see you. weird right? then I'd be watching you smile at the smallest things and suddenly I'd just want to kiss you.
but I also notice the way you look at steve. and I know you would never look at me the same way as you look at him. and maybe that's for the best, you deserve a Steve. not a billy, no one deserves a billy. especially not you. I could list a million ways of how Steve is better for you than me but I think the biggest one is that hes the better guy. hes a genuine guy who deserves a girl like you. I dont deserve a girl like you amelia. but I'm not worried, your never going to see this so why should I talk about it? why shouldnt I keep pretending that I feel nothing but friendship towards you? but it's fine, I'll get over you eventually. it's a little hard but it'll happen one day. but I guess for now I'll keep pretending. but I know you'll love Steve forever and I cant compete with that guy, I mean have you seen his hair? He may look like a douche but hes only a little douchy. I'm sorry for not telling you.

-billy

Amelia shoved the paper back in her pocket as she let out a sob before she covered her mouth, making sure no one could hear her.

A immense amount of guilt had overcame the girl in her 2 minutes of reading the letter. She held her head in her hands as she put out the cigarette and turned off her Walkman.

After everything they had been through why couldnt they save him? Her heart crushed her as she thought of all the times she hadn't noticed Billy's looks towards her. All the times she didnt catch him staring.

It absolutely shattered her.

Once she had calmed herself down a little, she climbed back through her bedroom window and shut it. Locking things behind her had become a habit at this point. Doors, windows, back door, windows that no person could come through.

She sat on her bed at shrugged the jacket off of her, throwing it across her room. She sat in her daze, still high from her cigarettes she just had. She noticed that her anxiety wasnt as bad as it was when she was high. That was probably the only plus she gained from the killer stick.

She stared at the picture of the two together that was sitting on her drawers. It was the two of them at Halloween whenever she was ultimately forced into a picture by Tina who said it was for future memories.

She remembered hating Billy then, only hearing bad things being spread around school of him which caused her to think the worst. She should've known all along that he wasnt a bad guy. He just had a bad life. And she felt a little peace knowing she made it a little better.

"I'm so sorry Billy."

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a/n:
to @mckennalomass for requesting this congrats you made me cry.
hope you enjoyed this little update because I certainly didnt
You can check out my Damon salvatore book "cherish"
or you can check out my other book "something" (Peter parker) If u want ;)
please leave more suggestions or questions!
thanks for reading! xo ♡